mental health Archives - Page 3 of 6

How the “Mental Load” Is Dragging You Down and What You Can Do

We’ve all heard the jokes and seen the memes: adulting is hard. Yes, yes it is: getting yourself to work every day so you can pay your bills, doing taxes, grocery shopping – none of it is exactly fun. Maybe it all makes you long for the days when someone took care of all the important stuff for you, someone who not only helped you with what you needed to do, but kept everything organized, remembered where everything was, and did the worrying for both of you.

So what kind of magical being could possibly do all of that? Well, in many families, that burden falls on the mother of the house, who can often end up feeling burnt out, not just because of all the actual tasks she has to do (and there are a lot of them!), but because of what’s known as the “mental load” (also known as cognitive labor, worry work, or invisible labor) that goes along with having all of those responsibilities. All of this keeping on top of things can lead to mental and even physical issues for (usually) moms, so what can you do to keep yourself from drowning under the weight of the mental load?

What Is the Mental Load?

What runs through your mind as you try to fall asleep at night? If it’s fluffy sheep leaping through a meadow as you peacefully count them, we’re not talking to you – but if it’s things like taking mental inventory of how much toilet paper is left in the house, making a list of appointments to make for your kids, and trying to remember if you defrosted dinner for the next day, then you know exactly what the mental load is.

It’s the behind-the-scenes work of managing a household full of people; it’s the overseeing of everything; it’s being burdened with never-ending to-do lists constantly running through your mind – and it’s making you feel overwhelmed. You help with the homework, keep the kitchen stocked (while remembering what everyone likes, at least for that week), schedule everything (and somehow keep those schedules straight in your head), take those few extra minutes to check all the coupon apps to stay on budget, do the laundry, make any and all travel prep, know everything that’s going on your kids’ lives, and basically keep a running list of everything that needs to be done.

And, more than likely, if you’re nodding along to all of this, you’re a woman and a mother in a heterosexual partnership. For example, here are some eye-opening statistics:

A 2019 study found that women in heterosexual relationships tend to take on more of the cognitive labor. They found this particularly true when it came to anticipating the needs of others and monitoring progress.
Another 2019 study found that 65% of the moms who participated had a job, but 88% reported they were still the ones that primarily managed routines at home, and 76% said they were mostly responsible for maintaining regular household standards and order. And, according to a New York Times survey, 66% of women say they’re responsible for child care and 70% say they’re in charge of housework.
In one study, nearly 9 in 10 partnered mothers said they felt solely responsible for managing their families’ schedules; another study found that 72% of working moms feel that it’s their responsibility to keep on top of their kids’ schedules.
52% of working moms say they feel burnt out from staying on top of everything.
Roughly 3 in 5 working women say they think about household tasks while at work.
69% of working moms agree that household responsibilities create a mental load.

illustration of a woman on the phone, feeding a baby, while ironing a shirt. — *Studies show that about 69% of working moms agree that household responsibilities create a mental load.*

And just because division of labor has become more equitable in many households over the past few decades, doesn’t mean that the mental load has gotten any lighter; if anything, women are recognizing it more. In fact, according to Lucia Ciciolla, PhD, a psychologist at Oklahoma State University who has researched the impacts of invisible labor on mothers, “even though women may be physically doing fewer loads of laundry, women are realizing that they continue to hold the responsibility for making sure it gets done – that the detergent doesn’t run out, that all of the dirty clothes make it into the wash, that there are always clean towels available, and that the kids have clean socks. Women are recognizing that they still hold the mental burden of the household even if others share in the physical work, and that mental burden takes a toll.”

Taking Its Toll

So, no, you’re not imagining things. You not only have a huge amount to do, but you also have a huge amount to think about, and it’s dragging you down and burning you out. And when we say “burning you out,” it’s might be having noticeable mental and physical effects, like:

Anxiety and depression – Being overwhelmed is taking its toll on women: according to the CDC, 1 in 10 women, mothers included, experience symptoms of depression, and women are almost twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders. Feeling like you’re never able to step away from everything you’re juggling can cause symptoms of these psychological issues, or heighten them in people who are already prone to experiencing them.

Sleep deprivation – Sure, when you’re a new mom you’re going to be kept up at night by your baby, but for many women, problems sleeping can continue long past the newborn phase; in fact, 74% of moms have experienced symptoms of insomnia. The physical and mental demands of motherhood might end up keeping you up at night – add onto that the “mom guilt” that is might be playing on your mind, and you have a recipe for serious sleep deprivation, which can in turn lead to irritability, a weakened immune system, and feeling disconnected from your family.

Memory problems – If you’re a mom, you’ve probably made a joke about “mom brain” at some point, maybe after you’ve misplaced your keys for the tenth time, or forgotten that your glasses are on your head…but you know what? It’s actually a real thing, and taking on the mental load of motherhood certainly doesn’t help improve it. The term for it is “postnatal depletion,” defined as a “physical and mental deterioration” that can occur from losing nutrients like iron, zinc, and B12 following childbirth – but because of the stresses of parenthood, this “depletion” can last for years. According to Suzie Welsh, R.N., MSN, “What happens over time is that mothers take on more of the mental work when raising children, thus leading to ‘mommy brain’ and easily turning into a more serious issue of postpartum depletion.” Women who experience this prolonged depleted state can end up with fatigue that sleep doesn’t help relieve, difficulty concentrating, and memory issues.

Headaches – How often have you said the words, “Mommy has a headache”? Probably three times more often than your male partner, unfortunately. Why are women three times more likely to experience headaches? Hormones, stress levels, anxiety, lack of sleep, and burnout all contribute to frequent headaches: according to Jaclyn Fulop, board licensed physical therapist, “Stress and the mental load of a mother can wreak havoc on the body, releasing chemicals causing the body to react, going into a state of fight or flight. The body cannot distinguish between an actual threat or the stresses of daily life. If this cycle repeats itself, it will affect the central nervous system and the brain causing pain signals in the body, which can ultimately lead to triggers in the body.”

Is There Anything You Can Do?

The mental load takes up space in your head, is a drag on your physical and mental health, and keeps you from doing things just for you – and we don’t just mean stuff you have to do, but stuff you – gasp – want to do. The only real solution is to take on less, but that can be far more easily said than done, especially for moms, who often have trouble asking for help. But remember, saying you need help is NOT admitting defeat, and taking time for yourself or letting go of certain worries is NOT selfish.

So, while there’s no one solution to this problem, there are some things you can consider to help lighten the load:

Set boundaries – What’s one of the first words your children learned? No! Now that you’re a mom, you might have to relearn that word, as well as learn to recognize and accept your limitations: you can’t take on everything.

Make time for yourself – As with all of these ideas, this one can also be tough; after all, you don’t want to make carving out “me time” just another source of stress. So, start small, with say 5 or 10 minutes a day during which you take a walk, meditate, read, or just breathe – anything that grounds you. That, plus adding in 20-minute power naps whenever you can, will also help to reduce headaches and feelings of fatigue.

Make technology your friend – Whenever you can automate something, do it! For example, put things like diapers or toilet paper on subscription, use grocery delivery services (yes, you’ll still have to order your groceries, but at least you’ll have that extra hour when you’d normally be at the store!), and set up automatic bill pay.

Talk to your partner – Notice we didn’t use the word “delegate” here. Having to delegate tasks is actually part of the mental load; as the artist EMMA explains in a viral comic explaining the mental load, “When a man expects his partner to ask him to do things, he’s viewing her as the manager of household chores. So it’s up to her to know what needs to be done and when. What our partners are really saying, when they ask us to tell them what needs to be done, is that they refuse to take on their share of the mental load.” So how do you approach this? Well, that could be a whole article in itself! But think about this:

- - Start the conversation by finding common ground; for example, you can say something like, “I know you value contributing equally to our relationship, and I think you may not realize I have more responsibilities that go unnoticed.”
  - Use “I” statements instead of “you” accusations.
  - Offer concrete examples of your mental load, including pointing out that delegating itself is part of the load.
  - When dividing up tasks, account for the tasks themselves and the invisible labor, and explain that you want to share the management of tasks, not just the tasks themselves.
  - Be careful of “gatekeeping,” or monitoring, criticizing, and worrying about the way another person does the things you normally do; trust your partner to get things done, and if it’s truly important to you that something gets done a certain way, explain why. Remember, you’ve probably internalized a lot of expectations about how your house should be run, so letting go can be hard – but can also be very freeing!

Ask for help in other ways – It’s ok to go outside of your own headspace and let other people in, and we’re not just talking about your partner. Talk with your friends who are moms; they’re probably feeling the same, and would most likely welcome a “me time” exchange, in which one day you let all the kids play at your house while your friend does something she wants to do, and vice versa. And remember, if symptoms of anxiety and depression are creeping in, don’t hesitate to speak to a mental health professional.

Do you recognize yourself in all of this? Trust us, we get it, and we know that the weight of the mental load can be overwhelming, and lead to burn out. That’s why it’s important to carve out time for yourself, as well as reach out to others to let them know that you just need some space to breathe. Being a mom (or a dad!) is a great joy, and also a lot of work, but you don’t need to lose yourself along the way.

6 Tips to Mentally Prepare for This Year’s Back to School

Each year, as summer draws to a close and Labor Day approaches, parents and children across the country brace themselves for one big day: the first day of school. Mixed emotions hit everyone: excitement, anxiety, relief – there might even be some tears, whether they come from nervous little ones or parents overwhelmed with bittersweet emotion (or joy!). But this year, on top of all of this, we have to deal with something none of us have any roadmap for: returning to school after a worldwide pandemic shook up everything, including our education system, last year. Some children have already been back to in-person learning, and some haven’t, but all will probably need a reminder on how to mentally prepare for their big day this year. So how can you, as a parent, help your child get ready to climb those schoolhouse steps again?

1. Talk It Out

silhouette of a woman and a child talking on a bench — *Talk with your child about the new school year and any anxiety they might have.*

Normalizing open communication with your children is always a good idea, but is especially important when a big change or transition is coming up – and, for some children, a return to in-person learning (or the start of a full year back at school after a changeable pandemic year) will feel huge. Knowing that they have someone to talk to is critical for children (and teens, even if it seems like they’re just going to grunt in response!), so don’t be afraid to talk openly with them about their feelings. To get the lines of communication open:

Start with a family meeting well before the first day of school – Give your children a safe space to share what’s on their mind, as well as get in touch with and organize their own feelings about their return to school, well before school starts. Remember to keep it balanced, and ask about what they’re excited about and looking forward to, not just what they’re worried about. You might even find that the fears you think they have are more a reflection of how you’re feeling.

Keep communication going with daily check-ins – Quick, regular conversations that happen every day in the car, at the start of dinner, or before bed will help establish a consistent time for children to discuss what is going on in their lives, and will keep up the process of normalizing talking about their feelings.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself – Remember, this past year has been stressful for the whole family – including you! – so you might need to talk to someone, too. You need to take care of your own mental health in order to be there for your children, so don’t hesitate to reach out to a parent support group or a therapist.

2. Start a Routine Early

As chaotic as children can seem, they actually thrive on routine: it helps them feel like things are predictable, under control, and can even help foster a sense of responsibility in them if they are active parts of making their day run smoothly. For many children, last year was very disruptive to their normal routines, and it might take time for them to get back into the rhythm of things, especially if they will be returning to in-person learning for the first time this fall. But having a morning routine that starts the day in a peaceful way, as well as an afternoon routine that involves homework, activities, getting ready for the next day, and a reasonable bedtime, will be very important to get your children back on track, so start planning well before school begins and try:

Focusing on sleep – Consider making bedtimes and wake-up times 10 minutes earlier each day as the first day of school approaches.
Trying things out – Have a trial run of your daily routine for a week before school begins, remembering that everyone might still be getting used to commuting and being where everyone needs to be at a set time!
Get the kiddos involved – Getting your children involved in helping with the daily routine can give them a feeling of ownership over it, which can also help ease their anxieties. For younger children, give them a chart with pictures and stickers to help them map out their day; for older children and teens, try to encourage independence by giving them their own calendar or daily planner, and asking them to prep each evening for the next day by picking out clothes, packing their lunch, or setting their own alarm, for example.

3. Create a “New School Year Resolutions” List

Last year was completely unprecedented for most people, which means that the goals and expectations that your children had for their school year (and that you had for them) might not have been met – and that’s ok! This past year and a half has been about getting by as best we can, and it will take time to get back into a relatively “normal” way of life, so don’t expect things to change overnight – routines, socializing, sleep cycles, everything will need to be adapted.

What you can do is set realistic expectations, and allow your children to do the same, while still encouraging them to be excited about the year ahead and the upcoming chance to get back on track. To this end, you can ask them what their “new school year resolutions” list looks like: for example, they might want to introduce themselves to one new person this year or get weekly assignments done a day earlier than they used to. Just remember to keep it lighthearted and simple!

4. Get Practical

illustration of a woman with her hand on a boys head and the boy had a speech bubble with a virus in it — *Talk to your children about what to expect in school with the Covid-19 virus, and the possibility of wearing a mask.*

Just as having a predictable routine can be reassuring for children, knowing what to expect practically from everyday situations can also be helpful in easing anxiety and combating stress. Little things that might not seem that important to you, like knowing the layout of their school, or having their daily schedule broken down for them, can really give them a sense of grounding and familiarity that should make the transition a lot smoother.

In addition, be frank with your children about the safety measures that they can expect to return to this year, especially if they haven’t experienced in-person learning in the time of Covid. Try to reframe any negativity surrounding these measures into a more positive light, reminding them that whatever your school district is doing (masking, distancing, putting up partitions, etc), just means that they school is helping them do what they need to do to keep themselves healthy and back in school where they belong!

5. Be Proactive About Mental Health

Whether or not your child has already been back to in-person learning, they might still be feeling the effects of the pandemic on their mental health – after all, this was a collective trauma that we all experienced, and children have not been immune to the depression and anxiety that many of us have been suffering from. We still don’t know what the long-term psychological effects of this past year could be, so as your children head back to school this year, you’ll need to check them for more than just lice or signs that they’re being bullied. Look for signs and symptoms that something is not quite right, like:

Isolation
Irritability
Low mood or energy
Difficulty sleeping
Lack of enjoyment in normal activities
Excessive concerns about safety
Lack of motivation

When in doubt, talk to someone about your concerns, whether it’s a school counselor or your pediatrician – it’s ok to have a low threshold for getting help right now, since we are in uncharted waters!

6. Be Positive

Being positive about the upcoming year is probably one of the best ways to get your children ready for back to school! We get it, keeping a sunny outlook is not always easy, but remember that your children will always be tuned into you and your reactions, and will follow your lead. Try to engage in self-care that will help you focus on the good things for the upcoming year, and share that positivity with your children.

If your children are having trouble getting back into a routine, or are resistant to going back to school, remember that all of this has been tough on them, and they might also need more positive reinforcement. Praise them often for making good choices and fulfilling responsibilities, and build things into their lives that “reward” them for their hard work and give them a much needed break from any anxiety they’re feeling, like time at the park with you or other activities they enjoy.

Last school year was like no other we’ve ever experienced, and we still don’t know exactly what this upcoming one will look like. What we do know is that things have been tough on everyone, including our children, so we all need to work a bit harder this year to make the transition back to school a little easier. But with the tactics above, and a sense of optimism and hope, we can all get our lives back on track and our children back to where they need to be!

Can You Be TOO Healthy?

You can never be too healthy, right? Well, that depends. If we’re just talking about getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, and getting your daily dose of exercise, then sure, there’s no arguing with that. But, for some, what starts as a well-intentioned and enthusiastic desire to eat a healthy or “clean” diet and stay fit can turn into an unhealthy obsession. This unhealthy obsession can become so intense that it can turn into an eating disorder, known as orthorexia, or orthorexia nervosa.

What Is Orthorexia?

Shockingly, it is estimated that at least 30 million people in the United States suffer from some form of eating disorder. While most people have heard of eating disorders like anorexia nervosa or bulimia, orthorexia might be less familiar to some. The term, from the Greek “ortho” meaning “right,” “orexia,” meaning “hunger,” and “nervosa meaning “fixation” or “obsession,” was coined in 1997 by Dr. Stephen Bratman to describe the obsession with healthy eating he had begun to see in some of his patients. What sets it apart from other eating disorders is that it’s not generally about quantity of food, but rather quality. While those suffering from orthorexia might also be looking to maintain a certain weight, and there could be some crossover between anorexia and orthorexia, the main goal is not always weight loss or management.

Orthorexia is currently not recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (DSM-5) as an official eating disorder, but the medical community is recognizing it more and more, as it is becoming clear that it is a serious issue for some. And it’s not surprising that this type of eating disorder has become more common. Our society’s fixation on being perfect, fueled by a social media filled with influencers showcasing their “healthy” lifestyles, can end up reinforcing an obsession with healthy living in those who might be more prone to orthorexia.

So how do you know if your healthy lifestyle is going too far? Here are 8 warning signs that you could be dealing with orthorexia.

1. You Obsess Over “Healthy” Eating

The problem with recognizing orthorexia is that it can start in a much more subtle way than other eating disorders, like anorexia. It starts with the intent to lead a healthy lifestyle, but it can spiral out of control. You become obsessed with and extremely focused on the quality and nutritional content of your food, specific ingredients that you use, or health trends that you follow. Full-blown orthorexia will begin to interfere with your social and work life.

2. You Have Unrealistic Expectations Fueled by Social Media

While not all orthorexics follow “healthy lifestyle” advocates on social media, many can be unconsciously influenced by the expectations that are all around us. You might find yourself comparing yourself to others who seem to lead the “perfect” lifestyle. Just as many people dealing with other types of eating disorders might be chasing an ideal (and often unattainable) “perfect” body type, if you’re dealing with orthorexia you may look to others to point the way towards the “perfect” diet and lifestyle.

3. You Judge Others

Your obsession with your own “healthy” lifestyle might lead you to judge how the people around you choose to eat and live. You might even begin to avoid certain people and situations if they don’t live up to your standards. This is another way that orthorexia can interfere with your personal and social life: you might tell yourself that you are “better” than other people and use that as an excuse to isolate yourself.

4. Your Lifestyle Takes Up A Lot of Your Time

thought bubble made up of a cracked egg white and yolk. — *Orthorexics will spend a lot of time thinking about food, and prepping meals.*

The personal, social, and work aspects of your life can also end up getting pushed to the side as your “healthy” lifestyle takes up more and more of your time. You might spend excessive amounts of time thinking about food, planning and prepping meals, or even cleaning your food or researching your chosen lifestyle and the “rules” surrounding it.

5. You Avoid Food You Haven’t Prepared Yourself

As with most eating disorders, much of orthorexia is centered on control. If you’re dealing with orthorexia, you will have a genuine desire to have control over all aspects of your food and health, which means you might begin to avoid eating food cooked by other people, or going to restaurants. This can further take a toll on your social life, make you even more isolated, and maybe drive you deeper into your obsession.

6. Your Food Elimination Goes Too Far

There’s definitely no shortage of influencers and ads out there perpetuating fear-based thinking about certain types of food. If you’re dealing with orthorexia, you might take all of that to heart and become so anxious about certain ingredients, types of food, or food groups that you begin to cut them out of your lifestyle completely. In an effort to cut any “unworthy” foods out of your life, you will probably obsessively check labels and take further control over food prep to make sure that everything meets your rule-based lifestyle.

7. Your Eating Habits Control Your Emotions

As you become more obsessed with your “healthy” habits, your emotions will become linked to how strictly you stick to your own self-imposed “rules.” You might experience mood swings, jumping between anxiety, shame and self-loathing if you don’t live up to your strict standards, and euphoria if your lifestyle is going well. And, if depression and anxiety become bigger parts of your life, you might go to more extreme lengths to get that feeling of euphoria.

8. You Begin to Have Physical Symptoms

Orthorexia may not be as recognized as other eating disorders, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t take a serious toll on your body, as well as on your mind. Enough obsessing, eliminating, restricting, and rule-creating and you could eventually start to experience the physical signs of malnutrition. These include:

Feeling more fatigued, colder, or weaker than usual
Weight loss
Taking longer to recover from common illnesses and viruses

We don’t currently have any accurate statistics on how many people are suffering from orthorexia, for a number of reasons. But that needs to change. As we are bombarded more and more with images of how we “should” be living our lives and what it takes to be perfectly “healthy,” many of us could find ourselves dealing with some form of an eating disorder, like orthorexia.

This disorder can wreak havoc on your mental and your physical health, and it should be taken very seriously. If you see yourself in any of the warning signs above, please talk to a trusted professional.

Mental Health Insurance For Children

Children’s Mental Health Awareness Week is February 1st – 7th, and we want to take this time to focus on the mental health of children. The CDC estimates that approximately 1 in 5 children are dealing with mental, emotional, or behavioral disorders, and unfortunately only 20% receive care. Untreated mental disorders and mental illness in children can lead to dropping out of school, substance abuse and even suicide. Early diagnosis and treatment are vital for avoiding these outcomes, so finding a comprehensive health plan is an important step towards keeping your children safe and healthy, both physically and mentally.

A Growing Problem

Mental health claims have been on the rise since 2017. The pandemic has been making the problem worse, and even causing an increase in suicides. Children have been just as affected as adults by current events: they are now glued to screens for school, and are dealing with increases in cyberbullying and anxiety. Being isolated in their homes could be the reason behind a sharp increase in mental health crises among children. In fact, the CDC has reported that, from March through October of this year, the share of mental health-related hospital emergency department visits rose 24% for children ages 5 to 11, and 31% among adolescents ages 12 to 17, when compared to the same period in 2019.

ACA Mental Health Coverage

All Affordable Care Act (ACA)- approved health plans must cover essential mental health benefits, including:

Screening for mental health conditions
Behavioral treatment
Mental and behavioral health inpatient hospital services
Pre-existing mental and behavioral conditions
Substance use disorder treatment

The Mental Health Parity Act of 1996 requires that insurance coverage cannot have more restrictive requirements for behavioral health coverage than it does for physical health like medical and surgical services. This means that you or your child can seek treatment such as group therapy, psychotherapy, and medications to help treat mental health issues in the same way that you would seek treatment for a physical ailment.

Employer-Based Coverage

paper in folder that says employee benefits package with a highlighter — *Employer coverage must have mental health health benefits, and you can check exactly what is covered in your summary of benefits.*

All employer-based plans must comply with ACA requirements for mental and behavioral health, including parity protection laws. If you have employer-based coverage, look at your plan’s summary of benefits to see what level of coverage you have for mental and behavioral health. If you find that your plan does not provide enough coverage, you can opt out of your employer’s plan and choose to purchase an individual health insurance plan instead.

You can also ask your employer about Employer Assistance Programs (EAPs), which can include mental health counseling and support. Some programs are available at no cost, and some employers might cover the fees if their health plan does not.

Individual Coverage

The ACA Marketplace or private insurance plans are great options for affordable coverage that meets your medical needs. All plans comply with ACA regulations on mental and behavioral health coverage, and it is possible to find a plan that offers more coverage or has lower copays if you speak with an EZ agent.

Unfortunately some families cannot find mental health care because of lack of providers in their area, or some cannot afford the cost of services. If you come to EZ, one of our agents will check each available plan’s network of doctors and medication costs to find a plan that is affordable and meets your needs. We will work with you to find an in-network mental health provider close to your area, and we will make sure that your medications are covered under your plan’s formulary. To get free instant quotes, simply enter your zip code in the bar above, or to speak with an agent, call 888-350-1890.

Superbands: How Supporting Mental Health Can Be Music to Your Ears

Trends in music come and go, but some things never change. Kids will always find ways to be cruel to each other, it will always be tough to be a teenager, and music will always have the power to heal and bring us together. Jessica Villa Sikora, founder of the nonprofit and online community Superbands, can attest to all of those things. When she was in her darkest places as an adolescent and young adult, she turned to music and the community surrounding it to heal her – and now she is trying to help young people in similar positions.

picture of jessica villa holding a cup of coffee up to her face — *Founder of Superbands, Jessica Villa*

“I Felt So Lost, Helpless, and Alone”

Everyone has been a middle schooler, so it is easy to understand the beginning of Jessica Villa Sikora’s story. When asked about the origins of her nonprofit, which seeks to support young people struggling with mental health issues, she paused, and laughed: “Well, middle school and high school girls are, um, quite mean.”

What she can look back and laugh at now was deadly serious at the time, though. She – like many of us – felt like she didn’t fit in at a new school, was shy and anxious, and was bullied mercilessly. She faced feelings of inadequacy, compounded by feelings of ingratitude to her immigrant parents, whom she felt had sacrificed so much for her to have a comfortable life in the US. For their part, they didn’t understand her struggle, and Sikora felt like she couldn’t talk to them about the bullying or the depression that was beginning to cloud her life. And so her downward spiral began.

What you might also recognize about Sikora’s story, unfortunately, is where her story goes next. Not only is bullying all too common – about 1 in 5 students report being bullied – but so are the mental health issues that Sikora began to experience as a young teenager. Almost 17% of young people aged 6 -17 – or 1 in 6 – experience mental health disorders, and that is just the number of people who are diagnosed. Among those, only around 50% receive treatment, and the average delay between the onset of mental health symptoms and treatment is 11 years. For many, help can come too late.

Depressed and anxious, Sikora began self-harming and attempting suicide before she even hit the age of 18. “I felt so lost, helpless, and alone,” she said, “and I didn’t know what I could do to ‘make myself better’.” Like many young people facing mental health issues, she was afraid to speak out, and was among the number who go undiagnosed and slip through the cracks. “My parents didn’t want to ‘waste’ money on therapy,” she said. But luckily, Sikora had something to lean on, something that became a way to “cope with my inner demons”: music. She found strength in a feeling of community, and eventually, within herself, and things began to turn around.

when words fail, music speaks written in front of a guitar piece — *“I pulled myself out of my depression based on looking forward to things, and on seeing the friends I made at concerts.”*

“It Was My Safe Place, My Escape”

Jessica Villa Sikora feels lucky that, despite her lack of support and treatment, she was able to pull herself out of all that, as she says. She’s very lucky, indeed. Sikora could have ended up another terrifying statistic: suicide is the second leading cause of death among Americans aged 10 – 34. So what helped her? “There was one thing I relied heavily on every moment I wasn’t in school – one thing that my parents would spend money on,” said Sikora. That thing was music.

Every day at school for Sikora was “a countdown to the next concert, the next album release. I pulled myself out of [my depression] based on looking forward to things, and on seeing the friends I made at concerts.” She found a community of “other weird Jonas Brothers [her favorite band] girls,” and the “weird” girls sitting next to her went from being “people I didn’t even know” to lifelong friends, who gave her a sense of belonging and have remained in her life – she’s even gone to their weddings.

So where does her story go from there? To a place we can only hope that it goes for any young person struggling with mental health issues. The quiet, bullied girl who had found community in music also began to find strength in herself. “By senior year [of high school], the girls who bullied me kind of grew up. I went to college, moved to campus, made new friends. [I realized] you can be literally anyone you want to be, so I told myself I’m not going to be the shy girl anymore and pursue the things I’m passionate about. You know, you attract the right kind of people when you start to figure out who you really are.”

“Every Time I Feel Like Giving Up, I Think: They’re Watching Me!”

After college, the once shy and anxious Sikora had big dreams about becoming a high-powered CEO. Philanthropy was not even something on her radar. She moved home after college to figure out her next move, and there she saw that her 13-year-old sister had become exactly like her: obsessed with music. Watching her sister, and reliving the pain of her own adolescence, she realized she didn’t want her sister – or anyone else – to go through what she had gone through. That’s when the idea for Superbands came to her – she wanted to create an online community to give struggling young people the same sense of belonging through music that she had found.

your song isnt over written with a heart rate — *“But the universe kept telling me to keep going.”*

When Sikora put the idea out there to the world of the internet, she was astonished to find herself with thousands of followers overnight. People were sharing their stories and telling her how much they needed her idea to work. What had begun as a tentative idea now seemed to be something she had to do: “Oh my god, I can’t not do this now,” she thought when she read all of the harrowing stories of teenage pain.

So she began building her online community, working through “trial and error, honestly…I ran everything through Google.” She thought many times, “Forget this, this is taking up too much of my time and money. But the universe kept telling me to keep going. The manager of the Jonas Brothers began following me on Instagram! Now, every time I feel like giving up, I think: ‘they’re watching me!’” And just when she was going to quit once and for all, the Jonas Brothers announced a reunion tour. She told herself it was a sign, and she kept going, promising herself one more year to try. After she went to the Jonas Brothers reunion tour concert in 2019, she felt a renewed sense of purpose.

A new idea hit Sikora after that concert: “I pivoted and didn’t give up on the idea of the online community, but now we want to bring teens and adolescents to concerts so they can have a night to remember when life gets hard and things suck. Then they’ll have these memories to hold onto, just like I had. I decided I wanted to turn it into a sort of ‘make a wish foundation,’ but in a mental health and music way. I’ve dealt with this invisible illness, and I thought: ‘what if we could give them one night away from it all?’”

So, in March of 2020, Superbands officially became a 501c3 nonprofit organization, and Sikora began doing the hard work of making that dream a reality. Then the unexpected happened: the COVID-19 pandemic hit, and concerts everywhere were cancelled. Sikora was disappointed, but she is ever-resilient in face of challenges: “Life is really what you make of it,” she said. “Rather than sitting around and being sad, this means that music execs are sitting home with time on their hands, too…So I started reaching out to them, putting all of my time into that, using this time to build connections, and they have been very receptive. So now I’m getting things into place to start making wishes come true.”

“I’ve Just Figured Out Who I Am”

Even with the setback of the pandemic, Superbands isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. The online community is still thriving, and Sikora is thrilled that everyday she can see the reach that her group has, as members interact with each other and repost content. And now, there are over 700 people on the Superband’s waiting list, hoping to have their dreams of seeing a concert or meeting their favorite band a reality, and Sikora has ideas for how to make that happen as quickly as possible. “Maybe the first event will be a virtual one,” she suggested. “Then we won’t just be changing one person’s life, but we could be throwing 3, 4, 5 people on a Zoom chat and quickly and easily changing all their lives. If we could partner with a large donor, they could easily pay the fees for meeting the person, and change someone’s life.”

Sikora is impressively dedicated to making this all happen, and excited about the prospect – it’s easy to see that she genuinely wants to make a difference, no matter how big or small. “If we can make one person’s wish come true, and then it falls apart, at least we can say we changed one person’s life,” she said. But what about her life? How has it changed as her story has progressed from that of a troubled teen to the head of a nonprofit?

“I’ve learned to pull myself out of my comfort zone – you have to just go after what you want, if you want to connect with someone, reach out to them. I’ve also learned to pick myself up when I fall down and have changed the mentality of being afraid – I’ve gotten better at giving myself a little bit of grace. I’m still trying to figure life out, but that’s ok, more than anything I’ve just figured out who I am.” We could all use a little bit of that “grace,” and use it, like Sikora, to try to make a difference in the lives of others.

If you’d like to help, you can donate to Superbands here. For mental health resources, check out Superband’s excellent list here. Most importantly, never forget what it felt like to be a young person, and lend an ear and assistance whenever you see instances of bullying or recognize the signs of mental health issues.

Support Your Employees’ Mental Health, Support Your Business

There’s more to healthcare than just physical health. Annual check-ups and care for injuries or illnesses are important, but so is managing stress, anxiety, and other mental health concerns. You can offer your employees a group healthcare plan that emphasizes both of these aspects of their well-being. Doing this will not only have a positive impact on your employees’ lives, but will also help keep your business running smoothly.

Stress & Anxiety in the Workplace

african american woman sitting with her elbows on her knees and her hands together on her forehead. — *More than 70% of workers say that stress and anxiety interferes with their lives.*

It won’t come as a surprise to any employer that working can sometimes equal stress, and even anxiety. But there are some concrete numbers that may surprise you. Around 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. suffer from some form of mental illness in a given year, close to 60% say they are suffering from “burnout,” and more than 70% of workers say that stress and anxiety interferes with their lives.

According to the Anxiety Disorders Association of America (ADAA) 2006 Stress & Anxiety Disorders Survey, employees said that stress and anxiety most often impacts their:

workplace performance (56%)
relationship with coworkers and peers (51%)
quality of work (50%)
relationships with superiors (43%)

These numbers should sound an alarm for you. Stress at work affects job performance, negatively impacts the culture of your workplace, and can also spill over into your employees’ outside life. They may have troubling sleeping, difficulties with their relationships, and may even end up suffering from depression.

A Culture of Silence?

There is hope. Almost 90% of employees who get help for mental health issues report feeling better about their job, more productive at work, and less likely to take time off, according to a study in the Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine. But before that relief can come, they need to be able to ask for help. Is your workplace a safe environment for expressing anxiety and talking about stress? It might not be.

Many employees are not comfortable speaking to their employer about their stress or other mental health concerns. Again according to the ADAA survey, only 40% of employees whose stress was getting in the way of their job had talked to their employers about it. Of those who did speak to their employer, only 4 in 10 reported being offered some sort of help.

It is up to you as an employer to make sure that your employees know they can ask for help if they need it. They also need to know that they will be listened to and offered some sort of help. One way you can do this is by normalizing mental health care: make clear that you take your employees’ mental health seriously, and make your mental healthcare plan as comprehensive and accessible as your physical healthcare plan.

Make Mental Health a Priority

caucasian man sitting in front of a laptop with mental health related words on the screen. — *You can find a plan that offers good mental health services for your employees.*

Employees need to feel safe and comfortable asking for help at work, but they also need practical ways to access that help. Fortunately, it’s much easier nowadays to prioritize mental health care. To show your employees that their mental health is a priority, you can

Offer them an ACA-approved healthcare plan. Simple, right? You were going to offer them this benefit anyway, and mental health coverage is actually one of the 10 essential benefits that must be covered under all of these plans. Make it clear to your employees that these benefits are included, and give them all relevant info on how to access the included services.
Look for mental-health specific add-ons. One of the fastest growing and most popular “extras” you can add to your employee health plan is an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). EAPs offer, among other things, a number of helpful mental health services at no cost to employees, like in-person or telephone counseling. Adding these programs may cost you a little bit extra, but they are worth it: you are showing your employees that you care about their mental health – and you are keeping your workforce healthy and productive. You are also protecting them against future stress-related physical illnesses that could end up costing more in the long run.
Try out well-being apps. While these digital benefits don’t replace therapy, they are easy to use and a great supplement to other mental health care benefits, especially for younger employees.
Add telehealth options to your plan. While apps can be fun, quick, and easy, some people prefer to speak to someone directly. Offering telehealth options removes some of the barriers of seeking in-person counseling or therapy.
Make your workspace a mental health-friendly place. If you have a workplace wellness program, don’t just focus on weight-loss goals or quitting smoking, focus on mental well-being, as well. Even if you don’t have one of these programs, you can still do small things to reduce stress in your workplace like offering yoga classes, having a meditation room, or even just encouraging break times that allow employees to get outside and walk together. These small steps obviously will not treat mental illness, but they will help to relieve stress and will also show that you care about your employees’ mental health.

Mental illness, stress, anxiety – all of these things are steadily increasing in our complicated world. Unfortunately, for most people, work is just another part of the problem. However, you can be the kind of employer who takes these issues seriously, listens to your employees, and offers them the help that they need. Make mental health a priority in your workplace, and you will find yourself with a happier, healthier, and more productive workforce. If you need help finding the right healthcare plan with the right mental health coverage, come to EZ.Insure. We’ve got the answers that you’re looking for, right now, for free. You can start by simply entering your zip code in the bar above to get a quote, or call 888-998-2027 to speak to an agent.

Tag: mental health