What kind of thoughts are running through your head at night? When faced with difficulties in life, what’s your default mindset? And what does that little voice in your head – you know the one – pop up and say when you’re alone? If you have to admit that your thoughts, your mindset, and that little voice all tend to be negative, you’re not alone. We all get stuck in cycles of negative thinking, and there are actually reasons for that – as well as ways to help stop that negativity in its tracks.
Why Are We So Prone to Negativity?
Humans are pretty tough. We’re wired for survival, but sometimes our hardwiring has some not-so-great side effects. For example, constantly looking out for our survival has made us collectively pretty negative in our thinking. According to psychiatrist Grant H. Brenner M.D., FAPA, co-founder of Neighborhood Psychiatry, in Manhattan, “Our brain has evolved to survive, and has a bias toward threat detection.”
Since we’re wired to be constantly on the lookout for threats, we’re also much more likely to jump to using negative information than positive information to get our bearings and to inform our view of the world. In order to survive, you have to expect the worst, right? And that also means that even millions of years into our evolution, negative thoughts carry much more weight than positive ones. In fact, researchers say that we need at least five more positive messages than negative ones to change the direction of our thinking.
That means it’s super hard to break out of the cycle of negative thinking. We are more likely to look out for the negative so we can try to fight it or survive it, and then those negative thoughts are given more weight in our minds, and a negative mindset takes hold. Without a whole lot of positive messages to combat the negativity, we’ll be running on a constant loop of negative thoughts and memories.
And some people are just more prone to getting stuck in that vicious cycle. According to Dr. Brenner, “Having negative experiences in childhood, as well as adulthood, may strengthen, confirm, and/or create sticky expectations that the world is a negative place. Such expectations can come up as negative thoughts, which are defenses against disappointment and other reactions, as well as simply accommodating to the way the world really seems to be.”
How Negativity Breaks Us Down
If all of this negativity sounds exhausting (and familiar), it is – and it’s not just that. Being stuck in this all-too-common vicious cycle of negative thinking can have some pretty serious effects on us both psychologically and physically. The impacts of negative thinking can include:
Difficulties socializing – According to clinical psychologist Kristin Naragon-Gainy, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at the University of Buffalo, “Obsessing over a negative thought can become such a focus it can be difficult to engage with what’s happening in life. This can lead people to withdraw from who they’re with and what they’re doing, as well as push other people away. It can be harder to enjoy things because you’re more tuned in to what could go wrong; it can create friction with other people and fuel even more stress.”
Greater risk of cognitive decline – A study done by The Douglas Research Centre showed that obsessive negative thought patterns were linked to an increase in cognitive decline and aggregation of amyloid-beta proteins, a brain protein involved in Alzheimer’s disease. Another study on cynicism published in the journal Neurology found that high levels of cynicism led to a greater risk of dementia compared to those who were more trusting, even after accounting for other risk factors like age, sex, certain heart health markers, smoking status, and more.
Increased risk of heart problems – A 2009 study from the journal Circulation looked at data from nearly 100,000 women and found that the most cynical participants were more likely to have heart disease than the least cynical folks. The more pessimistic women also had a higher chance of dying over the study period, versus those who were more optimistic about humanity.
Chronic stress and its associated issues – Constantly thinking negative thoughts, and being stuck in that vicious cycle, can lead to chronic stress, which in turn could lead to a whole host of issues. Chronic stress can cause insomnia, a weakened immune system, gastrointestinal disorders, mental health issues like depression, weight gain, and even cardiovascular diseases.
So negativity gets you all of that, AND the just plain old crappiness of being stuck in a negative mindset. We hope we didn’t drag you down with the above; in fact, our purpose here is to try and turn things around! So let’s look now at breaking free from negativity and getting more positivity into our lives.
Stopping the Cycle of Negative Thoughts
Let’s be positive! Why? It feels good, and science agrees. Researchers who are exploring the effects of positive thinking and optimism on health are finding that positive thinking could have benefits like:
Increased life span
Lower rates of depression
Lower levels of distress and pain
Greater resistance to illnesses
Better psychological and physical well-being
Better cardiovascular health and reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease and stroke
Reduced risk of death from cancer
Reduced risk of death from respiratory conditions
Reduced risk of death from infections
Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress
So, difficult as it might be for us pessimistic humans, it’s time to put the brakes on the negativity, so we can improve our lives in lots of meaningful ways. But how can you stop the cycle of negativity? Try the following strategies:
Pay attention to your thoughts
Yes, we’re more likely to be negative, and that chorus of negative thoughts sometimes just seems like the background soundtrack to our lives. But the first thing you should do if you want to change that negative thinking is to stop trying to just push those thoughts away. Instead, listen to them and accept them, then question them and try to work through them in a constructive way.
According to Dr. Naragon-Gainy, “When people try to push negative emotions away, they unintentionally grow stronger. Practice noticing the thought without jumping to judgment.” Dr. Rachel Goldman, PhD, a psychologist and clinical assistant professor at the NYU School of Medicine, says to then interact with those thoughts so you can challenge them: “Observe your thoughts. Ask yourself if this thought is helpful? What purpose is the thought serving you? How does the thought make you feel?”
Know your negativities
What kind of Negative Nancy are you? Your negative thoughts probably fit into one or more of these categories:
Jumping to conclusions, or making negative assumptions about what others are thinking or how events will turn out
Catastrophizing, or always assuming that the worst possible outcome will happen
Overgeneralization, or applying what happened in one experience to all future experiences
Labeling, or saying you’re “bad” at something
“Should” statements, or thinking in terms of what you “ought” to be doing
Emotional reasoning, or assuming that something is true based on your emotional response to it
Personalization and blame, or taking things personally, even when they are not personal
Similar to the above step, once you’ve identified your negative thoughts, you can accept them for what they are: thoughts and NOT facts.
Reframe your thinking
Let’s take an example of one of the types of negative thinking from above, and look at how you can shift your mindset. If, for example, you find that you’re constantly using “should” statements, which are often unrealistic demands that you place on yourself, and can lead to a spiral of guilt and negative thinking, reframe those sentences without the “should.” If you’re thinking, “I should start eating healthier,” try to think instead, “I can start eating healthier today by…” and offer yourself a solution. Or, if you’re thinking “I should stop thinking this way,” try “I’m having anxious thoughts right now. What’s a more likely explanation for this? And what would I say to my best friend if they were in this situation?” The whole point is that once you recognize your patterns of negative thinking, you can try to shift to a more constructive way of thinking – and it can work for most negative thoughts (jumping to conclusions? Again, ask yourself what the more credible explanation is!)
Do some exercises
We were about to say, no, we don’t mean getting outside and taking a jog, but actually, yes: get your body moving. Those endorphins will help boost your positivity levels! Ok, now that you’ve done that, let’s talk about some other techniques you can try that might help you to break out of the cycle of negativity. We know we said that you need to recognize your negative thoughts, and not just push them away, to really change things, but once you know how to do that, you can work on banishing those thoughts with strategies like:
Allowing yourself time with the thought – Give yourself 5 minutes to ruminate on your negative thought, then take a break from it and move on with your day.
Imagining a literal stop sign – “This kind of visualization—of a literal diversion—can help move your attention away from negative thoughts,” Dr. Brenner says.
Trashing negative thoughts – It might sound silly, but it can be effective to write down your negative thoughts (again, recognizing their existence), and then crumpling or ripping up the paper and throwing it in the recycling bin. According to a 2012 Ohio State University study, people who wrote down negative things about their bodies and then threw them away had a more positive self image a few minutes later, compared to those who kept the papers with them. “However you tag your thoughts—as trash or as worthy of protection—seems to make a difference in how you use those thoughts,” says study co-author and psychology professor Richard Petty, PhD.
Distracting yourself – Listen to music, go for a walk, imagine a positive memory, call a friend. According to Dr. Brenner, “Switching to another task where you can get absorbed in something more efficacious helps build self-esteem and give you a realistic positive reappraisal.” Some experts even recommend pausing when the negativity hits and focusing your brain on something that requires concentration, like imagining all the aisles in a grocery store, or all the books on your bookshelf, which can help train your brain to move away from negative thoughts, and could end up lifting your mood.
Being kind to yourself – When negativity creeps in, take a moment and show yourself some love. According to Dr. Brenner, “Giving yourself a compassionate pause can serve as a distraction, an interruption, and a way to change the activity of brain networks,” And, even if you don’t feel comfortable at first giving yourself positive affirmations like, “I’m doing the best I can,” try it: studies show, over time, that compassion-based practices, can help a great deal to change the way the brain responds to negativity by reducing self-critical thinking and anxiety. Another way to be kind to yourself? Try focusing on your strengths when you start to think negative thoughts about yourself.
Spending time with more positive people – Avoid perpetually negative people when you can, or at least be aware of what habits might be rubbing off on you.
We can’t all be positive all the time – in fact, as we’ve seen, we’re all much more likely to be dwelling on the negative than skipping down the street, blissfully happy. The key is recognizing that negativity is a cycle, and facing those negative thoughts head-on, so you can be happy – as you deserve to be! Remember, it won’t be easy, and it will take time, but you can break out of the vicious cycle of negativity by trying some of the techniques above. And let us know: what triggers your negative thinking, and how do you get out of those thought patterns?
You’ve worked your whole life, saved some money, gotten past the days of iffy credit, and hopefully, you’re feeling good about that! All of that means you’re pretty smart when it comes to your finances, but unfortunately, it also makes you the target of a wide range of financial scams that prey on seniors, because you have money in the bank and good credit. Sure, scammers might also target seniors because they think older adults are easier marks, but that doesn’t have to be true. You can make it a point to be aware of the most common scams floating around out there, and outsmart the scammers – and we can help!
Financial Scams by the Numbers
Older adults who have been taken in by financial scams are definitely not alone, or in a tiny minority: these scams happen all the time. In fact, incidences of fraud are rising, especially since scammers are just so much better at it these days, and can mimic legitimate communications from family members, tech support staff, and government employees.
These scams are leading to a lot of money lost, not to mention a lot of suffering and embarrassment. It’s important to know just how widespread this problem is, so you can be vigilant and avoid it happening to you. So before we get to the specific scams to look out for, check out these numbers:
Senior citizens lost almost $1 billion in scams in 2020, according to an FBI report released this month.
A total of 105,301 people over the age of 65 were scammed, with an average loss of $9,175, and almost 2,000 older Americans lost more than $100,000 in 2020, according to the same report.
There was a 47% increase in fraud and identity theft reports from 2019 to 2020.
The older you are, the more money you are likely to be scammed out of: in a 2019 report, those who were 70 to 79 suffered a median loss of $600, and for those over 80, the median loss was $1,600.
Those are some scary statistics, but they prove that there are a lot of unscrupulous people out there making some serious money off of unsuspecting older adults. That means it’s important to know how they’re doing it, as well as what kind of scams they’re trying to pull.
How Do Scammers Operate?
We want you to be prepared in case a scammer comes knocking at your door (or more likely, calling or emailing you), so let’s break down the most common ways that scammers will try to get you to part with your money. According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), scams targeting older adults are most often carried out through:
Phone calls – 16,000 cases reported a loss, with a median cost of $1,500.
Online theft – 10,000 cases reported a loss, with a median cost of $395.
Consumer-initiated contact – 6,000 cases reported a loss, with a median cost of $300.
Email scams – 4,000 cases reported a loss, with a median cost of $500.
Mail fraud – 1,000 cases reported a loss, with a median cost of $1,800.
So it appears that, while online scams are very common, phone calls are still the medium of choice for many scammers. In fact, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) estimates that there are nearly 2.4 billion robocalls made each month. You need to be aware that scammers often use your local area code or the numbers of government agencies to make them look legit.
That means it’s important to verify any phone calls, not to mention emails and letters, that request any personal information or money from you. It’s also important to know exactly what kind of stories scammers are cooking up.
The Most Common Scams Targeting Seniors
So what types of fraud are older adults most likely to fall prey to? Let’s take a look at the specific types of scams that are raking in the cash from seniors. Again according to the FTC, the top scams are:
1. Online shopping scams
While older adults reported less actual money lost to online shopping scams (an average of around $129 per person) than to other types of scams, this seems to be the most common type of scam. In fact, online shopping surpassed tech support in 2019 as the top fraud type older consumers lose money to, probably because of the rise in online shopping during the Covid-19 pandemic. And the amount of money lost is no small amount: people over 60 reportedly lost at least $14 million from online shopping scams last year.
How to avoid this scam: Only make purchases through trustworthy sites, and be skeptical of any sites offering prices that seem too good to be true. Read reviews about companies on third-party sites, and make sure you check that the site you’re buying from isn’t a slight modification of a well-known brand. In addition, NEVER agree to a sale with a vendor who requires an unconventional payment method, like a money order or wire transfer.
2. Computer tech support scams
With this type of scam, someone will contact you, or a window will pop up on your device, telling you that you have a virus or other tech problem, and that you need to contact them for help resolving the issue. They will then ask for money for services that aren’t needed, or even for remote access to your computer. This scam is so successful with older targets that in 2019 alone, tech support scammers stole $24 million from victims over 60.
How to avoid this scam: The first thing to remember is that major tech companies, like Apple or Microsoft, will generally NOT contact you in this way. The best thing to do in these situations is to simply close the window or ignore the person contacting you, and NEVER allow remote access to your computer unless you know exactly who you are giving access to (ie, you have directly contacted your tech company).
3. Imposter Scams
Now we get to the good old-fashioned “someone pretending to be someone else” scams – but often, nowadays, with a technological twist. These types of scams led to the second highest amount of financial loss for older adults, around $61 million in the aggregate.
Imposter scams can come in many forms, including:
Family imposter scams, in which a scammer pretends to be a member of your family and asks for urgently needed help. This sounds like a crazy scam that no one could possibly fall for, but these scammers are very sophisticated and can hack into email accounts or create fake profiles.
Government imposter scams, which can take the form of scammers impersonating officials from the Social Security Administration, the IRS, or Medicare. They might ask for your Social Security Number, saying it has been compromised or used in a crime, or they might even tell you that you are eligible for more benefits. Or, some scammers might try to intimidate you and tell you that you owe more in taxes, and that you are facing jail time if you don’t send money.
How to avoid these scams: Just as big tech companies will not usually contact you, neither will government agencies. If they do initiate contact, it will usually be with an initial official letter. They will NEVER ask for your SSN, credit card number, or other personal information over the phone. If you receive phone calls trying to intimidate you into giving this type of information, hang up immediately. Verify any emails or letters you receive by contacting the agency they purport to come from directly.
4. Romance Scams
This type of scam might not be the most common, but it generally ends in the most money lost per person scammed. In 2020, total reported losses to romance scams hit a high of $304 million, making them the leading cause of fraudulent financial loss across all age groups; people over 60 lost around $84 million. And while older adults are the least likely to fall victim to this type of scam, they had the highest median loss from this type of fraud, at $9,475.
This type of scam has tripled in the number of incidences in the last few years, and you can probably guess why: the rise of online dating. Yes, dating sites/apps can be a great way to meet people, but they can also be an easy way for scammers to operate, with perpetrators creating fake profiles, shying away from meeting in person (with Covid being a great excuse), and eventually asking for money or gift cards.
How to avoid this scam: Never send money or anything of value to anyone you haven’t met, period. You can even try doing a reverse image search of someone you’re chatting with, so you can see if they are using a stock photo, or an image of someone else.
5. Sweepstakes Scams
This type of scam led to the third largest amount of money lost for seniors, at around $50 million in the aggregate, or around $1,000 per person scammed. Sweepstakes scammers will generally contact you via phone, email, social media, or even the mail, congratulating you for winning a big prize – but you will be required to pay certain “fees” or “taxes” so that the money can be released to you. They might even issue you a check, which will be rejected after a few days, during which time your scammers will collect the “fees” that they say you owe them.
How to avoid this scam: Remember that almost all true sweepstakes are “no purchase necessary” (except for the lottery, for which you purchase a ticket, but they will never ask for money for you to claim your prize).
What to Do if You’ve Been Scammed
If you’ve been the victim of one of the above scams, or of any other type of scam (there are so many!), you might be both distressed and embarrassed, so much so that you might want to pretend it never happened. And you wouldn’t be alone: numbers show that a huge amount of older adults don’t report scams, especially if they’ve lost money.
But reporting these crimes can be helpful to others, and you might even be able to recoup some or all of your losses. If you’ve been scammed, contact:
The Better Business Bureau
The Federal Trade Commission
The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center
You can also contact your bank or credit card company to stop any payments, or work something out to get your money back.
The bottom line is: scams can happen to anyone, and they seem to be happening more and more, and in more and more sophisticated ways, to older adults. So if it does happen to you, it doesn’t mean you’re gullible, and you shouldn’t be embarrassed – you should take back control, report the crime, and make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else (and get back that hard-earned money)!
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it’s clear that, after the few years we’ve had, we need this time to focus on our psychological well being. But here’s the thing: a lot of the talk surrounding mental health lately has been centered on young people, and while that is an extremely important topic, we need to remember that there is no age limit on mental health issues. In fact, older adults can be hit especially hard in this area. So, for this Mental Health Awareness Month, we’d like to remind everyone of that fact, and restart the conversation about mental health and aging with some important facts.
1. Mental Health Issues in Older Adults Are More Common Than Many People Think
We have a rapidly aging population. It’s projected that by 2050, we’ll have leapt from 900 million people over 60 to around 2 billion! And we have to start recognizing that all of these millions of older adults need to have their mental health needs addressed in the same way that we address their physical needs. Why? First of all, mental health is incredibly important: we know that good mental health contributes greatly to an overall feeling of well-being. But on the other hand, untreated mental health disorders in older adults can lead to diminished functioning, substance abuse, poor quality of life, and increased mortality.
Second of all, mental health issues are very common among older adults – maybe more common than many people think. According to the CDC, around 20% of adults over 55 (or 1 in 5) experience some sort of mental health concern, with other studies putting that number at 1 in 4 adults over 60. The most common issues are depression, cognitive impairment, and anxiety. Depression and dementia are the most common, affecting 5% to 7% of the population over 60. Anxiety follows as a close second, with the World Health Organization (WHO) reporting that it affects 3.8% of older adults. Considering the size of the older population, these numbers are pretty concerning.
2. Mental Health Issues Can Lead to Physical Issues
To pick up on a point from above, mental health and physical health go hand-in-hand, especially among older adults. Physical issues, like reduced mobility or chronic pain can lead to mental distress, and older adults with physical health conditions such as heart disease have higher rates of depression than those who are healthy. But, this is a two-way street: untreated depression in an older person with heart disease can actually lead to worse outcomes. In fact, studies show that treatment programs for depressed elderly patients suffering from cardiovascular disease and other major illnesses usually take longer than normal and are less successful.
Mental health issues like depression can affect older adults physically in other ways, too. Depression can lead to overeating and obesity or, can even cause a significant loss of appetite and lower energy levels, sometimes resulting in a condition known as geriatric anorexia. Older adults with mental health issues could also end up with insomnia and memory loss, which is bad in itself, but can also lead to more accidents around the house or on the road.
3. Mental Health Issues Can Develop Later in Life
While some older adults with mental health issues have been living with them for their entire lives, some develop these concerns later in life. Mental health can deteriorate after a stroke, or even after a diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease, cancer, arthritis, or diabetes; some medications can also cause changes in mental health. Not only that, but the changes brought on by getting older, or declining health, can cause some older adults without a history of substance abuse to begin abusing medications, alcohol, or drugs.
4. Depression Is Often Overlooked in Older Adults
Conventional wisdom says that young people tend to experience mental health issues more often than older adults, and that might be true, but it’s also true that older adults seek help less often than young people do. And not only that, but according to the CDC, “Older adults are often misdiagnosed and undertreated. Healthcare providers may mistake an older adult’s symptoms of depression as just a natural reaction to illness or the life changes that may occur as we age, and therefore not see the depression as something to be treated. Older adults themselves often share this belief and do not seek help because they don’t understand that they could feel better with appropriate treatment.”
In fact, according to some studies, primary care physicians fail to diagnose depression 50% of the time, and only half of older adults who discuss specific mental health problems with a physician receive any treatment.
Think older adults don’t die by suicide at the same rate as younger people? You’re right: older adults actually have the highest rates of suicide of any age group. To be more specific, people aged 85 and over have the highest suicide rate of any age group, and those aged 75 to 84 have the second highest, with men dying by suicide more often than women. Not only that, but older adults’ suicide attempts tend to be more lethal: for people 65 and older, there is one suicide for every four attempts, compared to one suicide for every 20 attempts for all other age groups.
6. There Are Signs to Look Out For
While mental health issues can develop later in life in people who had never been previously diagnosed with them, they generally don’t come out of nowhere. Aging brings with it a lot of changes, both in physical condition and in life circumstances, and these changes can become risk factors for mental health issues. Risk factors can include things like:
Physical illnesses that can affect emotion, memory, and thought
Poor diet or malnutrition
There are also warning signs to look out for that can mean things aren’t quite right, like:
Change in sleeping patterns (not enough sleep or oversleeping)
High stress levels or constant worrying
Suicidal thoughts
Trouble feeling positive emotions
Unusual ideas or behaviors
A need or dependence on drugs and alcohol
Feeling hopeless or giving up
Constant headaches and pain
Anger and irritability
Engaging in high-risk activities
If you or a loved one are experiencing the above, you should speak to your doctor or a trained mental health professional as soon as possible – and don’t be put off or told that what you’re feeling is a normal part of aging! As we’re about to discuss, we need to be doing more for the mental health of older adults.
It is important to seek help if you are experiencing mental health issues before it gets worse.
7. We’re Not Doing Enough
While adequate social and emotional support is associated with reduced risk of mental illness, physical illness, and mortality, we’re just not doing enough to keep older adults in tip-top mental shape. Unfortunately, the older people get, the less likely they are to say they receive the social and emotional support they need, according to the CDC. Their studies show that adults aged 65 or older were more likely than adults aged 50–64 to report that they “rarely” or “never” received the social and emotional support they needed (12.2% compared to 8.1%, respectively).
And, again, our health system is dropping the ball on this, with far too many older adults not being adequately diagnosed, cared for, and treated. Consider these shocking statistics:
Primary care physicians fail to diagnose depression 50% of the time.
Only half of older adults who discuss specific mental health problems with a physician receive any treatment.
Researchers estimate that up to 63% of older adults with a mental disorder do not receive the services they need.
75% of older adults who commit suicide have visited a primary care physician within a month of their suicide.
This is an unacceptable state of affairs, especially when studies show that 80% of older adults recover from depression after receiving treatment that includes both psychotherapy and antidepressant medication. Mental health issues are not a normal part of aging, but they are treatable, we just need to do more to raise awareness in older adults and those who care for them.
So this Mental Health Awareness Month, take the time to check in with yourself and your loved ones, make sure you know the risks and what to look out for, and stay as social and active as possible to keep yourself in a good mental state and connected to what and who you love. And if you or a loved one are struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out to a trusted professional and get the help you need and deserve. Growing older has its challenges, but you have the strength to face them head on, with a little help if needed.
What position do you sleep in? Do you feel cozy curled up in the fetal position, or do you like to sprawl out on your back? Whatever your preference, did you know that your favorite sleep position can actually have a big impact on your health, and even your appearance? For example, if you’ve noticed more back pain, or even more wrinkles recently, your sleep position could be to blame.
The Impact of Different Sleep Positions on Your Health
Research suggests that more than 60% of people sleep on their side, around 40% sleep on their back, and fewer than 10% of people sleep on their stomachs. These different sleeping positions can have certain effects on your health, and while it might not always be possible to control how your body moves when you’re asleep, you should be mindful of these effects.
When settling yourself into bed, consider this:
Sleeping on your stomach can reduce snoring and help with sleep apnea, but it causes you to bend your neck and spine in abnormal ways. Not to mention, sleeping in this position can also reduce blood flow, which can lead to waking up with numb limbs, and even eventually lead to nerve issues.
Sleeping on your side is great for reducing heartburn and snoring, but it can cause neck and shoulder pain. It can also increase the appearance of wrinkles, because sleeping this way causes you to push your face against your pillow.
Sleeping in the fetal position is good for circulation, but if you bring your legs too close to your chest, this position can cause stiffness and soreness. This position can also create a curve in the spine, and lead to a sore back.
Sleeping on your back can increase snoring and aggravate sleep apnea symptoms.
Which Position Is Best?
Out of all the positions mentioned, sleeping on your side is probably the best one for most people, because it allows you to keep your spine in a neutral position. With that being said, as we have already pointed out, you don’t have much control over how your body moves when you’re asleep, so the best thing you can do is to place pillows that can help you stay in proper alignment. If you sleep on your:
Stomach, place a pillow under your hips to lift the lumbar area of your back.
Back, place a pillow under your knees to align your spine.
Side, place a pillow in between your knees.
Your sleep position plays a role in your health and how you look. As you age, you’ll inevitably have to deal with aches and pains and wrinkles, and the last thing you need is to make these issues worse just because of the way you sleep. You might not be able to train yourself to sleep in a different position, but there are other solutions, like pillows that will not only give a good night’s sleep, but will also help improve your alignment and even overall health.
Hey – are you okay? It’s a question all of us get asked a lot, probably almost as much as “How are you?” And both of these little, innocent questions can seem much bigger if you’re going through something that’s making you feel “not okay.” So this Mental Health Awareness Month, we want to talk about the questions that are meant to be caring and/or simply polite, but can end up being endlessly awkward. So, if you’re not actually “okay,” how can you respond to these questions in ways that either:
Don’t open up wounds that you aren’t prepared to discuss with that particular person OR
Convey that you aren’t, in fact, okay, and begin an open discussion about what’s going on and what you need?
It’s OK to Not Be OK
First things first: we want to be really clear that it’s always okay to not be okay. We have all been through a lot the last few years, with fear, loneliness, and uncertainty creeping into the lives of even people who considered their mental states solid as a rock before 2020.
But it doesn’t have to be the recent pandemic, or even any major life event, that has you feeling anxious and/or depressed. Both of these are incredibly common issues that affect millions of people, so you are certainly not alone. In fact, anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18.1% of the population, every year. Major depressive disorder (MDD) affects more than 16.1 million American adults, or about 6.7% of the U.S. population age 18 and older, in a given year, and persistent depressive disorder (PDD) affects approximately 1.5% of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year. And those are just some of the mental health concerns that affect people every day, and that can be made worse by difficult patches in life.
So yes, it’s okay to not be okay, but it is important to get help if you’re struggling. It takes courage to share that you aren’t okay, and that you need help, but insisting that everything is fine when it isn’t will only make things worse. So talk to a trusted professional, someone who you feel safe opening up to.
But if you are going through a time in your life when you’re struggling, it might be the smaller everyday interactions, the ones that seem less consequential, that might begin to feel difficult. So let’s look at how you can navigate those situations.
Steps for Dealing with THE QUESTION
If you know you’re going to have difficulty answering the questions “Are you okay?” or “How are you?” with some polite small talk, think about the following strategies:
1. Think about who you want to have this conversation with
Just as it’s always okay to not be okay, it’s also okay to not want to discuss your mental state with everyone who inquires, no matter how well-intentioned they might be. In fact, if you are going through a very difficult time, it can make things feel even more emotionally draining, or prolong a grieving process, if you’re constantly being asked “Are you okay?”
Some of the people asking you this are curious (and they can be politely assured that you will be fine if you’re not ready to satisfy their curiosity), and others need to reassure themselves that they are doing their part to “be there for you.” You can be honest with them that you are indeed going through a difficult time, but it’s okay for you to talk about other things for now.
But there are other people who you can open to when they ask about your mental state, people in your life who have the right skills to provide emotional support, and an empathetic ear. These people don’t even have to be in your immediate family or your closest circle of friends, but if they’re ready to offer their optimism and empathy, or constructive ideas if that’s what you need, they might just be the right person to lean on.
2. Consider the intentions of the person asking
Consider who is asking you if you are okay before answering, so you know if they are genuine or not.
Similarly to thinking ahead of time about who you want to open up to, when confronted with the actual questions “Are you okay,” “How are you,” etc, it’s okay to take a beat and consider the intentions behind the question. First of all, who’s asking? Are they someone you are close to, someone you believe truly cares about you? Or are they a more casual acquaintance who’s just asking the question in a polite, automatic way?
If you determine that this is not someone who you would trust with your intimate secrets, or even if you just don’t feel comfortable opening up, it’s okay to simply be polite and indicate with your answer that you’re not really up for talking about things on a deeper level. Try responding with something like:
I’m hanging in there, thank you so much for asking. How about you?
Ugh, we’re all going through tough times, right? How about we talk about some good stuff?
Life is tough, but so are we, right? What’s going on with you?
(If they still persist) You know, I’m just processing some stuff right now, and I’m not really ready to talk about it, but I appreciate your concern.
On the other hand, if the person asking is really asking, and they are someone with whom you’re willing to share your emotions, don’t be afraid to reach out. You can simply say, “Actually, it’s been a really tough week. Would you be up for talking about it with me?” You might find that you can be relieved of some of your heavy burden, if only for the time that it takes to get coffee together. Or you might even come away with some new ideas and a new outlook on how to get further support.
3. Think about how answering will affect you
As we’ve said, these little questions can really take their toll, for a variety of reasons. Being asked them can feel like a reopening of wounds, or being asked them might make you feel like it’s just so obvious that you’re not okay. You might even worry that opening up will be a burden on the people asking. So step back, take a breath. Remember, you don’t have to answer everyone with a bearing of your soul, and those who you do want to open up to are your support system, and are asking you out of genuine concern.
But what about the people in between? Those asking out of concern, and with whom you want to open up to to a certain extent, but who you might not always want to tell all the details? There’s a way to find a balance.
4. Set boundaries
How do you find that balance? Remember that it’s great to have multiple people you can open up to when you feel you need to, but that you won’t always want to open up fully to everyone all the time – and there are ways you can express that to these people in your life. For example, if you start feeling like a friend that you’ve opened up to is now constantly walking on eggshells, asking you “Are you okay? How are you?” in a certain way, you can tell them that not every conversation you have has to be so heavy. Let them know how much you appreciate them being there for you, and you will take them up on their offer of support when you need it, but for now it’s totally okay for you to talk about all the little things you’ve always talked about as friends!
And on the subject of setting boundaries, remember also that you can set boundaries in the conversations that you choose to have. For example, if the person you’re talking to tries to hijack the conversation and steer it towards their solutions or wants to make it all about “fixing” your problem, and you’re not ready for that, it’s okay to tell them that right now you just want to vent. Kindly tell them that you appreciate them wanting to help, but really all you need/are ready for right now is someone to listen – and maybe further down the road you might want to discuss how to move forward.
5. Don’t take unhelpful responses personally – and find someone that IS helpful
So maybe you’ve chosen not to answer that “Are you okay?” or “How are you?” with polite chit chat, and you’ve told the truth – you’re not okay. And the person asking is completely unhelpful, uncomfortable, or brushes you off – that can feel devastating. But remember that their response is no reflection on your needs. They are still valid, it’s just that that person was perhaps not in the right place to respond to your needs, or maybe has something going on in their own life. Don’t let their response shut you down; it’s important to let someone else know you’re not okay, and continue to look for the help you need until you get it.
There’s no question about it: life can be tough. But so are you! That doesn’t mean, though, that you need to go it alone. If you’re “not okay,” please don’t hesitate to reach out to someone you trust and take the first step in the process of healing.
Retirement can be great, but it’s not for everyone. Some people just thrive on the sense of purpose or the social engagement that being in the workforce gives them – and the extra money to fund the fun stuff in life doesn’t hurt, either! In fact, if you’re at retirement age, or heading there soon, and are still working or want to work, you are very much not alone. Just consider these stats:
A 2019 survey found that 27% of respondents who were currently planning their retirement planned to work at least part-time later in life, and of those who were already retired, 19% were working part-time.
In 2014, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) reported that approximately 40% of those aged 55 and over were working or actively looking for work. That number was predicted to grow by the end of 2024 to 41 million people over the age of 55 (with 13 million in that group over the age of 65) engaged in the labor force.
The U.S. Census Bureau reported that in 2015, there were 4.6 million men and 3.7 million women in the labor force who were over 65 years old. A total of 5.3 million full-time workers were 65 or older.
So does all this mean that having a side gig is the new retirement? Maybe: it all depends on what you want out of your golden years. But if you’d like to spend some of your free time in retirement getting back out there, now is a great time! Let’s look at why, and how you can start the search for something that’s right for this chapter of your life.
The Great Resignation
Seniors now have more of an opportunity to get back in the workforce if they wanted to.
We’ve often heard (or experienced) that finding a new job when you’re of a certain age can be tough. Unfortunately, agesim is still a major issue in our society; some employers have been unwilling to see past age, and see instead the valuable experience older employees have to offer.
But there’s something going on that might actually be turning that on its head: the so-called “Great Resignation” that started during the Covid-19 pandemic could be the opportunity that older job seekers need to give them a leg up. According to Kerry Hannon, author and career expert, “It is a fantastic time for someone over 45 or over 50 to get back in the market. Employers are grappling with finding workers who have experience that can hit the ground running. They’ve been going for a bunch of months now without filling positions that they really need.”
Just how great is this Great Resignation? An average of 3.98 million people quit their jobs every month in 2021, and numbers out of the BLS from January of this year showed a record-breaking number of people quitting their jobs in November of 2021. 4.5 million people, or around 3% of workers, walked off the job that month. And even if things are leveling off, job resignations are still up 23% above pre-pandemic levels, and employers are looking to fill the over 11 million vacancies in the job market. In fact, they’re scrambling to bring in workers by offering better working conditions: for example, employers in the private sector have raised hourly pay by about 5% in the past year, according to federal data.s
All of this is good news for anyone who wants to get back into the job market. So if you’re an older job seeker itching to take advantage of these opportunities, how should you get started?
Starting Your Job Search
You’ve got enthusiasm, experience, and wisdom – now you just need to get yourself out there! Try the following tips, geared especially towards all of you more mature candidates.
1. Let Employers Find You Online
If you’re interested in getting back out there, the first thing you need to do is let employers know you’re looking – and these days, that means heading to LinkedIn and creating a profile. LinkedIn is buzzing with activity these days with all of the employers looking for candidates, so if you’re looking for a more skilled or professional position, this is a great place to start.
You might think that the world of social media automatically puts older adults at a disadvantage, but with a professional site like LinkedIn, you’ll have an advantage: you have lots of experience and lots of different facets of your life to put in your profile. Make sure you highlight all of this, so employers can see the full package that they’ll get if they hire you!
2. Find Employers Online
Once you’ve gotten yourself out there in the digital world, stay online and check out some job search websites to see if there are any openings that appeal to you. You can look at some general sites, like Indeed, or you can also head to some senior-specific sites, like:
Retirementjobs.com
Rent a Grandma (specializes in work for nannies, caregivers, chefs, house care helpers, pet sitters, tutors and personal assistants)
Seniors4Hire
Workforce50.com
AARP Job Board
SecondAct Work
Jobs 4.0
3. Refresh Your Skills
Try refreshing your skills so you can succeed in the ever-changing markets.
They say you should never stop learning, right? Taking some time to learn some new skills (or brush up on what you already know) is always a good idea, but it’s especially important if you’re looking to get back into the job market. Try an online class in a new technological skill, or even checking out a local community college – many have low-cost tuition for older adults. You can update your computer skills or knowledge about technology, and while you’re at it, any other skills you may want to update.
4. Get Back into Networking
In addition to all of your experience and wisdom, you’ve also got the advantage of having a lot of contacts, so check back in with them to see if anyone is hiring or knows someone who is. And even if you already have a pretty big network, you can always expand it. Consider joining (or rejoining) a professional organization in your field, or attending a conference with someone who’s still in the workforce. And don’t forget about getting on LinkedIn!
5. Consider Fast-Growing Fields
Not married to a job in any one particular field? Then familiarize yourself with the fastest growing job markets, where you’re most likely to be welcomed as a valuable addition. For example, looking for positions in the health care, social services, and hospitality industries, just to name a few, could mean better odds of getting your foot in the door.
6. Try Temping or Volunteering
If you’re having trouble landing exactly what you want, or are looking to start slow or small, consider temping or volunteering. Temping is an easy way to brush off your skills and ease yourself back into work if you’re a little rusty, and you’ll be making a little money while you do it. Volunteering is also a great idea: while you won’t be earning anything, you will be getting the pick-me-up of doing something you care about, while also gaining skills and meeting contacts.
If you’ve reached retirement age, nobody is going to blame you for wanting to take some time to go lie on a beach (or in a hammock, or on your couch) for a while (or forever) and just relax. You’ve spent a long time in the rat race! But if you find the calm of retired life just isn’t for you, and you decide you want to get back out there, we’re all for that, too – and now is a great time! Employers need people like you, and would be lucky to have the benefit of your years of experience, so if you’re curious what’s out there, take a look. You might just find your second act!
