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The Ultimate Guide to Making Online Connections

When you were a child, it probably felt like it was easy to meet new people and form relationships. Whoever had a ball or the latest gadget to play with was a good candidate, and you could march right up to them and strike up a friendship. As an adult, though, making connections can feel a lot harder and more complicated, especially when our options for going out and interacting are limited. Feeling connected to others, though, is a vital part of our mental health, so what are we adults to do? Fortunately, with the internet, we have the world at our fingertips, literally. So, if you’re looking to meet new people, whether for romance or simply friendship, we’ve got the ultimate guide to meeting people online.

Meeting People, 21st Century Style

Connecting in the 21st century often revolves around the internet. In the United States, people spend, on average, over 2 hours a day on social media; in the last year, the total number of global social media users has surged by more than 10%. That’s a lot of people out there in cyberspace, looking to feel connected to others.

Social media is popular, but how about apps for meeting new people? Also popular, and only getting more popular: almost a quarter of all Americans say they have used an app (or website) to meet someone. Not only that, but more than half of Americans say that relationships started online are just as successful as those started in person. If all this sounds promising, then where do you start if you’re looking to make connections from your couch?

The Best Dating Apps

Looking for romance? Whether you want someone for some casual chats and meet-ups, or someone to get serious about, check out our picks for making an online love connection:

Although known for being used for hookups, Tinder is successful at making meaningful matches.

Tinder – Not exactly an under-the-radar pick, but it is one of the most popular dating apps, so it needs a mention. Tinder has a reputation for being hookup-heavy but it seems equally successful at making meaningful matches – after all, because it’s so popular, you’ll have a huge pool of people to choose from. To get started, you add a brief bio and picture, but once you start browsing dating prospects, you’ll only be shown their picture, age, and name – you then see a little bit more info about them and choose whether to “swipe right” to like them or “swipe left” to reject them. If you both “swipe right,” then you’ve made a connection and you can message each other. Tinder pretty much pioneered the “swipe right” or “swipe left” style of online speed dating, which a lot of people find fun, but others might find a tad superficial. They have recently added a video chat feature, but it’s only available in certain areas.

Hinge – Hinge bills itself as “the app designed to be deleted,” so they’re pretty confident that they’re going to help you find a match. It is true that they’re slightly less hookup focused – or at least, they give you the option to find out if that’s all that your matches are looking for, since you can immediately see what type of relationship they’re looking for. Hinge is generally similar to Tinder, but we think it’s more fun: you get to do your swiping when answering rapid-fire, interesting questions about yourself, and these questions seem to help find you deeper matches (as opposed to a brief bio). Their new “Dating from Home” feature makes them extremely dating-from-home-friendly.

Plenty of Fish – Tinder may dominate a lot of discussions about online dating, but Plenty of Fish has been around a lot longer. That means they’ve got a giant pool of people to choose from – over 90 million worldwide at last count. That’s a big selling point on its own, but Plenty of Fish also has all of the features you could want from a dating app – a Tinder-style swiping mechanism, ways to find matches near you, a test of your likes and dislikes, and questions about what you’re looking for in a relationship. The best part? Unlike other apps that have free and premium versions, Plenty of Fish is completely free.
Bumble – Bumble works in a similar way to Tinder, if even slightly more superficial – your profile consists of a short blurb and a max of 6 photos. Their twist is that, for mixed gender matches, women have to be the first to message the man, and they only have 24 hours after being matched to do so. If you’re a woman looking for a man and are tired of unsolicited messages, it’s a great option for you; however, if you don’t like initiating conversations, you might want to look elsewhere. Bumble has also recently added in-app voice and video chat functions.

The Best Platonic Apps

Here’s where you might start to think, okay, I get online dating, but can you really find platonic relationships online? Sure! Dating websites and apps have been around for what feels like forever, and now app developers are realizing that there’s a similar demand for finding new friendships. There are apps out there to meet people based on all sorts of criteria, so you’re sure to find one that works for you. Check out our top picks for meeting a new buddy:

BumbleBFF – This version of Bumble’s app is pretty much exactly the same as their dating app, except for platonic relationships. You add a brief bio, swipe right on people you’re interested in, and are given 24 hours to initiate a conversation with matches – the only difference is, any gender can strike up a conversation.

Friender – Another app where you swipe to find a friend match, but Friender lets you build a more detailed profile. So instead of getting random matches, you’re getting suggested matches that have at least one interest in common with you.

Peanut – A simple, yet genius idea – allowing women who happen to be moms find friends who also happen to be moms. Having a little one can feel isolating, and feelings of isolation can make postpartum depression worse, or vice versa: postpartum depression can amplify feelings of isolation. If you’re having trouble meeting like-minded moms, Peanut can get you back in the friend-making game. It’s not just for new moms: you can find matches based on multiple criteria, including the age of your children, so that you can easily navigate a mom date/playdate combo.
Atleto – If you’re looking to find a jogging or cycling buddy or a tennis partner, look no further than Atleto. This app is especially useful right now, when many people are looking to keep things safer by staying outdoors.

Tips for Getting Started

If you’ve decided to go the virtual route and try one of these apps, we think that’s a great first step towards making new connections, whether you’re living through a pandemic or just feeling like you need some help finding meaningful relationships. Hopefully, you’re online connections will turn into real life relationships – as you navigate that transition, keep the following tips in mind:

Just jump in and put yourself out there! Start a conversation, and keep it moving. You joined the app because you wanted to meet new people, so don’t start overthinking it now.
When you get matched with someone you like, try to move quickly from messaging through the app to a more synchronous way of communication, like video chatting. Texting is just not the same as talking to someone face-to-face (sort of)! You’ll get a better feel for whether you connect or not; in fact, according to one online dating app user, online “dates have been better than the ones in real life because we’re having to communicate more.”
When scheduling a virtual meet-up, make sure you have a way to keep it short. Give your match a small window of time when you’re free, and use that brief first “meeting” to get a feel for whether you want to proceed. If all goes well, then suggest you spend more virtual time together – try something low-stress, like watching a favorite movie online together, complete with commentary and similar snacks.
If you’re using apps to find dating partners, and you do choose to meet in person, remember that they might not look exactly like their picture in real life, especially if they haven’t been able to get a haircut for a while! Don’t let that cause stress the moment you meet, give yourself time to warm up to them.
Whether you’re in some form of pandemic quarantine or not, choose somewhere safe to meet – definitely in public, preferably outdoors. If there’s an outdoor activity that you especially enjoy, like hiking, suggest that as a low-stress meetup.

As the saying goes, adulting is hard. We’ve all got so much on our plates, so sometimes simple human-to-human connection can get put on the back burner. Or sometimes, it’s all we’re craving, but it feels hard to find ways to add more of it into our lives. Relationships are so important to our mental health – and with all of the technology available to us, there’s no excuse not to (virtually) get out there and meet people. So, if you’re ready to take the plunge, then get going!

How to Make the Most of “Me Time”

Sometimes you just need a mental health day. And sometimes you get one, and then have no idea what to do with all that “me time.” So you end up feeling guilty, unproductive, and more dissatisfied than when you started. If this sounds familiar to you, then maybe it’s time to examine why you end up feeling this way, and what you can do to counteract it. Sure, “me time” can be a time to simply veg out, but if you’re finding that mental health days aren’t improving your mental health, try to figure out exactly what it is you’re feeling. Maybe you’re feeling disorganized or disconnected, and a day scrolling through Netflix or social media isn’t what you need to get back on track. Whatever it is, you can plan out ways to make the most of your “me time,” so you can be ready to tackle whatever life throws at you.

If You’re Feeling Disorganized…

We all get that scattered feeling sometimes. It can really hit you when you’ve got down time, and are free to look around at the clutter surrounding you or obsess over all the tasks that seem to be piling up on you, and that you feel like you should be doing. If your mind is racing and jumping all over the place, and you’re trying to drown it all out with some binge watching, why not try instead:

Bullet journaling – If you’ve already got a bullet journal started, pull it out. If you haven’t started one, consider doing it now! This creative mix of planner and diary can be whatever you want it to be. You can choose to do anything from track your mental and physical health to plan meals, make shopping lists, and keep track of important dates. Working on your journal a little bit every day could go a long way in calming and focusing your mind.
Take the time to tackle some of your finances!

Doing some admin – Sounds fun, right? Maybe not, but it can calm you and give you a sense of accomplishment to tackle some non-intimidating aspects of your finances. Think of filing away all of those receipts and paperwork that fill up your drawers and wallet, setting some bills to auto-pay (after you pay them and check them off your list!), or even starting an easy budget with a user-friendly app.
Decluttering – You don’t have to go crazy and plan for a major overhaul of your whole house, but why not find an area of your bedroom, or a corner of your closet that you can easily reorganize? Pulling out things that you no longer use and donating them to charity can feel freeing- and can make at least a small part of your world look a little tidier and less stress-inducing.
Jotting it down – It might be time to get back to basics and start making some good old-fashioned to-do lists, but try using some specific techniques to make them less intimidating and more focused. Start your lists with the smallest, easiest accomplished task. Keep only one task at the top of your list at a time, and cross it off as you complete it, then move on to the next.

If You’re Feeling Disconnected…

How is it that we can live in a world where we are constantly connected but still sometimes feel so…disconnected? Scrolling through social media is not always the best way to bring yourself closer to your community or your network, or to humanity at large. Sometimes it just leaves us feeling like we’re missing out on something, or like we’re both isolated and overwhelmed at the same time. If you’re feeling this way, try…

caucasian woman sitting outside with her phone up to her face looking at it with a smile — *Call or video chat with your friend to catch up.*

Calling (or video chatting with) a friend – Sending a text or hopping onto social media are convenient ways to get a message across or superficially see what your friends are up to, but nothing can replace hearing the voice of someone you care about, with all of its emotional inflections.

Paying for a stranger’s coffee – Sick of spending your time “liking” the posts of hordes of faraway acquaintances? One small act of random, in-person kindness is a simple way to feel an instant connection to another human – a tiny, digital thumbs up has nothing on a real smile on someone’s face.

Cooking something you love and sharing it with a friend – If you enjoy cooking, it can feel like a creative and productive act, especially if you share your finished product with someone you care about.
Volunteering – Nothing makes you feel closer to your community than giving something back to it. There are so many ways you can give back; even if you only have a few extra hours of “me time,” you can still find an organization that would be glad of your time.

If You’re Feeling Like You Need Some (Self) Love…

Sometimes having extra time on our hands can mean extra time to criticize ourselves. A mental health day can be whatever you want it to be – but it shouldn’t devolve into that! If you’re already the type that makes to-do lists and beats yourself up if you don’t check off every single thing on it every day, or if you’re staring in the mirror and tearing yourself down, then stop and take some time out to live in the moment and just enjoy you, yourself. Try:

Switching up how you get moving – If you’re the type that likes to blow off steam with crazy workouts, try slowing down with a yoga class and focus on breathing and feeling the strength of your body. If you’re more into the slow stuff, try a brisk, sweaty run and see how you feel – it might just invigorate you!

Pampering yourself – Sure, it’s cliched, but sometimes the best thing to do is to treat yourself. What does that look like for you? A mani-pedi? A new haircut and/or color? A massage? Buying something you’ve been saving up for but hesitating on? A simple ice cream cone, hopefully enjoyed with any guilt or other emotions attached to it? In fact, whatever you choose to do, surrender your senses to it and try to remove all feelings of guilt that may be attached to spending money or indulging in extra calories.

Enjoying the silence – Unplug. Turn off the TV. Read a book. Rediscover your love of listening to music.

Resting! – That’s right, there’s nothing wrong with taking a much-needed cat nap. Curl up, get cozy, read till you fall asleep, and feel like a carefree kid again.
Writing – Even if you’re not the creative type, try journaling about what you’re grateful for, or the positive impacts you’ve had on other people’s lives – trust us, there’s a lot of both!

Having some extra “me time” on your hands is a gift, even if it doesn’t feel like it these days! It’s easy, though, to feel paralyzed when you find yourself faced with this gift, and to end up feeling like you missed your chance to refresh and restore. Don’t get us wrong: you don’t need to fill every moment of your life with tasks, you simply need to find ways to add a sense of calm, joy, connection, or satisfaction with yourself into your life. If that sounds like a difficult task, then start with the simple things that we have suggested – you might just be able to add the mental health back into your mental health day!

New Year’s Traditions from Around the World

It’s official. New Year’s is cancelled this year. Ok, maybe that’s being a little overly dramatic, but so far we know that some of the most well-known American New Year’s traditions, like the Times Square ball drop in New York City, will be happening virtually this year, and crowds probably won’t be gathering anywhere. It looks like we’re going to have to find some new, quieter traditions to ring in 2021. What better way to start than by taking a fun look at how other cultures greet the new year? It might just cheer you up to know what Italians are wearing under their pants on January 1…that, and a nice, big glass of champagne.

statue of julius ceasar — *Julius Caesar was the one who started the New Year on January 1st in 46 B.C.*

New Year’s Origins

January 1 hasn’t always been the start of the new year. Julius Caesar was the one who started that in 46 B.C., and it ended up being the date that stuck, at least in the Western world. He instituted January 1 as the first day of the year, partly to honor Janus, the Roman god of beginnings, whose two faces allowed him to look back into the past and forward into the future. Romans celebrated by offering sacrifices to Janus, exchanging gifts with one another, decorating their homes with laurel branches, and attending raucous parties.

The ancient Romans were party animals, not resolution-makers. We can thank the ancient Babylonians for our habit of trying to better ourselves in the new year; they made promises, which sound like they were slightly easier to keep than our modern-day ambitions, like vowing to pay off debts or return borrowed farm equipment.

Fast forward to New York City, 1907. That was the first year of the iconic Times Square ball drop, which has happened almost every year since. This tradition has become so famous that it has inspired spinoffs, like a pickle drop in Dillsburg, PA and a possum drop in Tallapoosa, GA. But this year, the 12,000 pound, 12-foot diameter sparkly ball will drop without the crowds, so why not start a new tradition with your loved ones? Check out the following from around the world (or at least the parts of the world that celebrate on January 1) – maybe you’ll find one that strikes your fancy, or maybe you’ll create your own crazy combination of your favorites!

dark purple grape bunch — *In Spain, they eat 12 grapes at midnight.*

Spain

In Spain, New Year’s revelers eat exactly 12 grapes at midnight, one on each stroke of the clock. This tradition goes back to the 19th century, when vine growers in the Alicante area came up with the idea as a way to sell more grapes toward the end of the year. It might have been a commercial ploy, but it caught on, and you’ll still see most people in Spain eating grapes for luck in the New Year.

Greece

For people in Greece, it’s onions and pomegranates that shine on New Year’s. Some Greeks hang onions on their doors as a symbol of growth for the New Year (onions are recognized in Greek culture for their seemingly endless ability to plant their roots and keep growing), and some smash pomegranates against their doors just after midnight on New Year’s Eve. In ancient Greek mythology, the pomegranate symbolizes fertility, life, and abundance, and so the fruit has come to be associated with good fortune in modern Greece. The story goes that the number of pomegranate seeds that end up scattered is related to the amount of good luck to come.

Italy

If it’s a fertile new year you’re looking for, look no further than an interesting tradition upheld by the Italians. In Italian culture, the color red is associated with fertility, and Italians wear red underwear on New Year’s in the hopes of conceiving in the new year (so, maybe not all Italians wear red underwear on New Year’s…)

Russia

New Year’s is one of the most important holidays of the year in Russia. There, it is a New Year’s Eve tradition to write your wishes for the new year on a piece of paper, then burn that paper with a candle and drink the ashes of the paper in a glass of champagne. Maybe there’s no better way to make your dreams come true than by literally internalizing them…

Estonia

If you find that ringing in the new year works up an appetite, you may want to try celebrating like the Estonians. They believe that eating a lucky number of meals ( 7, 9, or 12) on New Year’s Eve will give them the strength of that number of men in the coming year. And if you can’t stomach all those meals (or if you’ve already retired your post-Christmas cookie sweatpants), don’t worry: it’s also common to leave some food behind for any ancestral spirits who may be hanging around.

silhouette of a person with a traveling suitcase rolling behind them — *Columbians walk around the block with an empty suitcase.*

Colombia

Here’s a tradition that might strike an especially powerful chord with you this year. At midnight on New Year’s Eve in Colombia, those suffering from wanderlust take a lap around their block carrying an empty suitcase. The lap sometimes turns into a race with friends and family, with the winner thought to be rewarded with opportunities to pack their bags and travel in the new year. Here’s hoping.

The Netherlands

On New Year’s Eve, the Dutch eat fried balls of dough known as Oliebollen. Nothing odd about that – except maybe for the reason behind it. They are believed to have first been eaten by Germanic tribes in the Netherlands during the Yule, the period between December 26 and January 6. Why? To keep the Germanic goddess Perchta, from cutting open their bellies – because of the fat in the oliebollen, her sword would slide off the body of whoever ate them. Appetizing.

Brazil

In what is probably one of the more visually appealing traditions on this list, Brazilians litter the ocean with white flowers and candles each New Year’s Eve. These lovely offerings are meant for Yemoja, a water deity, who can give blessings for the new year. If you find yourself at the seaside on New Year’s Eve, then you can partake in another Brazilian tradition: jumping head-on through 7 waves at midnight and making 7 wishes while you do it. Don’t forget to wear white, though, as well as colored underwear underneath (just make sure to check what each color means – and leave your bashfulness at the door!)

Chile

Chileans have a wide range of New Year’s traditions (their underwear color of choice is yellow, and you get extra points if you wear them inside out, or if they were a gift ), but one you may want to try before you die is spending the last night of the year in a cemetery. This relatively new tradition may seem unusual or even depressing, but it’s meant to bring a sense of peace at being reunited with lost loved ones.

two cups on a table, one of them broken. — *Denmark saves dishware to smash on friend’s doors.*

Denmark

Although this year’s festivities may require less cleanup in a lot of the world, they’ll be as messy as ever in Denmark. There, Danes save up their unwanted and chipped glasses and dishware all year so they can smash it against the doors of their friends and neighbors on New Year’s Eve. It’s not clear why – some say it’s a sign of letting go of any ill-will and anger as you move forward into the new year – but one thing is clear: the more smashed ceramic and glass you have in front of your house on New Year’s Day, the more popular and lucky you can feel.

However you choose to celebrate the coming of this new year, we hope you do it safely, and as surrounded by loved ones as possible (even if it’s via the power of the internet!). We also hope that you get all that you’re wishing for in the new year, whether it’s travel, a gift of new yellow underwear, a chance to cathartically smash your old dishes, or just the time to stuff yourself with greasy doughnuts. Happy New Year!!

Keeping The Spice In Your Life As You Age

Are you finding that life isn’t as…sweet as it used to be? How about salty? Or sour? You’re not imagining things – as you age, your sense of taste actually starts to decline, like your eyesight or hearing. This phenomenon can feel like another annoying part of getting older, but your declining sense of taste can actually pose risks to your health – not to mention that it can affect your quality of life. There are ways you can push back against a diminished sense of taste, and we’ve got tips for putting the pleasure back into your meals.

The Science

We are born with around 9,000 taste buds, each one a bundle of sensory cells that sends taste signals to the brain through nerves. Some are attuned to sweetness, some to saltiness, some to bitterness, etc. But after age 50, the number of taste buds you have decreases, and the others begin to shrink, so your sense of taste becomes markedly less intense.

There are multiple possible reasons for this change in the quantity and quality of your taste buds, and for the change in your sense of taste. First, scientists believe that, while taste buds are generally good at regenerating (think of how quickly you can recover after burning your tongue!), their ability to regenerate themselves decreases with age.

Another major factor in loss of taste is actually the age-related decline of another sense: your sense of smell. Much of your ability to taste foods is intimately related to your ability to smell those foods. Your taste buds can detect a handful of tastes, but your nose can detect thousands of smells. As you age, olfactory nerve endings and mucus production in the nose may also decline, weakening your sense of smell – and your sense of taste.

There are many other reasons that you may be experiencing a change in your sense of taste, so it’s a good idea to talk to your doctor if this is happening to you. Some of these reasons include:

cigarette lit with ashes flowing from it — *Heavy smoking contributes to loss of taste buds.*

Side effects of certain medications
Infections
Head injuries
Dental problems, such as gum disease, ill-fitting dentures or inflammation
Radiation therapy for head and neck cancers
Chemotherapy
Dry mouth
Heavy smoking
Vitamin deficiencies
Bell’s palsy
Sjogren’s syndrome
Neurological conditions like Alzheimer’s disease and Parkinson’s disease

The Risks

Losing your sense of taste can be more than just an inconvenient part of aging – there are certain risks associated with a diminished sense of taste. For example, since salty and sweet sensations are usually the first to be affected, you could start unknowingly oversalting your food. This could pose a problem, especially for seniors, because consuming too much salt can lead to high blood pressure, which can affect your heart.

Losing your sense of taste can also mean losing interest in your food, which could pose a risk beyond simple weight loss. You might end up missing out on vital nutrients because certain foods no longer taste the same to you. On the other hand, you could consume the wrong things, such as spoiled food or foods that contain harmful ingredients.

The same goes for drinking – you may end up consuming water that is less than ideal. Researchers at Virginia Tech found that, as people age, they’re less likely to detect chemicals such as iron in their drinking water. Certain compounds give your water a metallic flavor that you’ll have a harder time detecting as you age, which puts you at risk for overexposure to iron and copper – a possible risk factor for Alzheimer’s disease. Instead of switching to wasteful bottled water, however, look for a high quality water filtration system to combat this problem.

What You Can Do

Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do to reverse loss of taste. In most cases, it’s just a natural part of aging. First, speak to your doctor to rule out any of the conditions mentioned above. Next, try a few of the following things to up your enjoyment of your meals:

Make meals more social – You’re more likely to eat bigger, more nutritious meals if you make it a point to eat with others. If the weather is nice near you, invite friends for an outdoor meal. If you have extended family that you are currently seeing, then try to make regular meals with them a part of your routine. Consider also extending your circle to include other seniors around you, and join in on community meals and potlucks.
Up the herbs and spices (but not the salt!) – You don’t need salt to boost the flavor of your food – try turning up the spice levels instead. Add more sweet, fresh basil to Italian dishes, citrusy cilantro to Mexican or Asian dishes, pungent oregano to Greek food, warm cinnamon to North African-inspired dishes, or curry, turmeric, garam masala, or any number of spices to Indian dishes. You can also experiment with flavored vinegars, oils, or add herbs like dill to your rice, orange juice to your sweet potatoes, and lemon to your fish. The possibilities are endless!
Heat up food so that it is the right temperature.

Heat it up (or cool it down!) – Food tastes better when it’s the right temperature! If you’re eating a meal that should be served piping hot, or chilled to perfection, make sure you’re eating it that way. A little temperature tweak could be all it takes to make a meal more palatable.

Try something new – Be adventurous! Try a new cuisine, or exciting new recipes. Even if you feel set in your ways when it comes to your palate, consider taking tried and true and ingredients and preparing them in new ways.

Find your favorite meal – Listen to your body! If you wake up ravenous and have always loved a hearty breakfast, then make that meal a focal point and really savor it. If you’ve always loved to relax after a long day and eat a big dinner to satisfy your end-of-the-day hunger, then focus on dinner and make it a big deal. Figure out when you’re hungriest and make the most of it!

The side effects of aging can range from annoying to downright dangerous – and losing your sense of taste is no different. It can be tough to relish your food as you age – and to get the nutrients you need – but by taking a few simple steps, and really focusing on your favorite meals, some delicious ingredients, and some (safe!) social time, you can continue to stay healthy, happy, and well-fed.

What Do Your Food Cravings Really Mean?

What’s your go-to food vice? Do you have a sweet tooth? Is salty and crunchy that really gets you going? Or maybe every day is different, and you find yourself rummaging around for whatever snack it is that you simply must have right now, instead of reaching for all that healthy food you’ve prepped for yourself. Food cravings are real, and can be powerful; in fact, in a recent study in the journal Appetite, 97% of women and 68% of men reported experiencing food cravings. And, unfortunately, these cravings are often for the least nutritious foods. So what is it that’s causing you to need those chips or to have cookies on the brain? Is it your body telling your something, or is your brain playing tricks on you?

Let’s Get Physical

Cravings may seem simple: you really, really want some chocolate because, well, you just do. But scientists and nutritionists acknowledge that food cravings are actually pretty complicated. No one really knows exactly why we crave what we do, and how our brains and bodies are interacting with each other when we become focused on wanting one particular food. Some nutritionists believe that, while there is a psychological element to food cravings, the exact food you’re laser-focused on might be telling you that your body is missing something. For example, if you’re craving:

Salty food, some nutritionists will tell you to put down the chips and pick up the water. Seems counterintuitive, but being dehydrated could be behind your desire for sodium. Your hydration and electrolyte levels can get out of whack for a lot of reasons: illness, exercise, alcohol consumption, or even chronic stress. “Our body naturally craves fluids and salty foods to help replenish the electrolyte balance that can easily get unbalanced,” says registered dietitian Tracy Lockwood Beckerman. Her answer to salty cravings? Foods that are naturally high in salt like crunchy carrots and celery, or adding some quality Himalayan salt to your veggies. Plus, keep your water bottle at hand and sip all day long!

Sweet food, you could have another type of imbalance. “We crave sugar in response to imbalanced blood sugar levels,” says registered dietician Amy Shapiro. “As they go up cravings subside, but as they come down our body craves more.” Blood sugar imbalances can happen for a lot of reasons, including not eating enough, and eating too many starchy foods and not enough protein and healthy fats. You could also be tired or stressed if your sweet tooth is acting up: your body might be trying to get you to reach for a surefire energy burst. Nutritionists who believe that there’s a physical cause behind sugar cravings will tell you to eat satisfying, balanced meals, grab some naturally sweet foods like squash, dates, coconut, and grapes. You should also get enough rest and try incorporating calming some exercise, like yoga, into your daily routine.
Caffeine, the reason is pretty clear. You’re exhausted. That, or you’ve formed a habit and your body has come to expect a caffeinated drink at a certain point everyday. But some nutritionists will also tell you to look to your iron levels if you can’t seem to shake the caffeine cravings – symptoms of low iron levels include fatigue and weakness. To break free from your caffeinated prison, first try reaching for a different morning beverage, and then try eating iron-rich foods like beans, shellfish, spinach, quinoa, tofu, and broccoli.
Chocolate, then you’re just normal, right? Just kidding! It is true, though, that chocolate cravings are very common, especially among women. While many scientists believe that this strong desire is a conditioned response (no real link has ever been found between PMS and chocolate cravings, for example), some people believe there are physical reasons behind it. “Chocolate is high in both sugar and fat and can be craved for a multitude of reasons including a sugar fix, hunger, caffeine craving, habit, stress, or if your body is in need of magnesium,” says Beckerman. If you feel like there’s a physical reason behind your chocolate craving, one option is to reach for a healthier food that’s high in fat and sugar like an apple with almond butter, as well as to eat balanced meals and snacks to help you maintain energy levels and keep your cravings from taking control. You can also try eating magnesium-rich foods like avocado, beans, almonds, tofu, fatty fish, and even a bit of dark chocolate. Remember, it’s ok to indulge your cravings, especially if you’re not doing it every day, and if you’re eating dark chocolate, which is lower in sugar.

All in Your Head?

While the idea that strong cravings for a certain food are linked to certain deficiencies has been around for a long time, many scientists now think that the brain may actually be more to blame than the body. After all, not many Americans are eating diets without enough sodium, or are dangerously low on magnesium. In fact, more studies are now showing that cravings are linked to our feelings about food.

different MRI scans of a head with different areas glowing in red and orange — *MRIS showed that when people were spoken to about their favorite treat, their brain lit up the same way it would for an addiction.*

To take a closer look at this idea, let’s take a quick look at some science. In a recent study in the journal Psychology and Behavior, healthy young men and women were put on a diet that met their nutritional needs but was, well, boring, to find out what cravings they would report. Unsurprisingly, the subjects experienced stronger and more frequent cravings than normal, usually for foods high in fat, salt, sugar, and calories. Their desire for certain foods seemed to be linked more to habit and restriction.

In fact, there is more evidence that strong cravings are all in our heads, so to speak. In a study published in the journal NeuroImage, researchers used MRIs to investigate which areas of the brain are involved in food cravings. Participants were given a nutritional drink (so that they weren’t hungry during the test), and then asked to think about the taste, smell and texture of a favorite food to prompt a craving. Once they were all fired about their favorite treat, they were given an MRI, which showed that the same part of the brain involved in drug addiction lit up. These are: the hippocampus, which is important for memory and helps reinforce reward-seeking behavior; the caudate, which helps us to form habits, including food-related ones; and the insula, which contributes to the emotional connection between food and cravings.

Scientists, nutritionists, and dieticians believe that hormones and memory also play a part in our cravings. Eating enjoyable foods stimulates our hormone receptors, and we need more and more of it to continue feeling good – again, similar to how our brains handle addiction to other things. In addition, memories and emotion are strongly tied to our reactions to food. Just think about how you feel when you smell freshly baked bread, see an advertisement filled with Christmas cookies or holiday chocolates, or even step inside a movie theater and smell the familiar smell of buttery popcorn.

Ways to Keep Cravings in Check

salmon cooked with a slice of lemon on it and vegetable medley next to it on the plate. — *Eat a well balanced meal full of proteins and fiber to help with cravings.*

So how do we beat cravings? The answer to that can be as mysterious as why we’re craving something in the first place. But there are lots of strategies you can try, from ways to feed our bodies to ways to trick our brains.

Satisfy yourself – As we noted above, eating a satisfying, nutritious, and varied diet full of protein and fiber can help to ward off cravings – and is always a good idea in general! In addition, you might want to add some of your most-often craved foods into your diet, in moderate amounts. You don’t want to surrender more often, or your brain might step in and form an unhealthy habit, but if you are always suppressing your cravings, you could be doomed to failure.

According to Professor Susan Roberts of Tufts University, “Pick the [unhealthy foods] that you love and have [just] them, not a wide variety. And then have them occasionally, not all the time. The best thing is to have a similar flavor that addresses the cravings, but in a food that is more satisfying. Our hypothesis is that cravings are maintained by the neurological reward that you get from ingesting a lot of calories. So when you have a lower-calorie, more slowly digested food, the metabolic stimulus that maintains the craving is reduced.” For example, try some high-fiber cereal mixed with melted chocolate, or a low-sugar granola or trail mix that has pieces of chocolate in it.

Picture it – Have you ever noticed that you lose focus when an intense craving hits? Studies have shown that your cravings can interrupt your cognitive function, so try to beat your brain at its own game: visualize a vivid image and you’ll use the same part of the brain that’s involved in cravings, and you might just be able to keep it in check.
Stop and smell the roses – Remember the smell of popcorn at the movie theater? Smells are strongly associated with memory, and when we smell something we associate with something good, we want it again. If this is what is triggering your cravings, you can try smelling something else that is pleasant, but not food-related – studies have shown that this reduces cravings.

Get moving – Other studies have shown that getting some physical exercise when a craving hits helps to lessen your desire for that food – plus, you’ll be doing double duty for your health!

Relax – It’s easier said than done, but reducing stress can go a long way towards reducing unhealthy cravings. Studies have found that women who are under stress are more prone to cravings for sweet foods than those do not report feeling stressed. Try adding a mindfulness or meditation practice into your day, starting a journal, doing yoga (or any other form of exercise!), or even just reaching out and connecting more with loved ones.

Start new habits – Sometimes we get used to picking up that order of fries or a sweet, iced drink on the way home, or when we settle onto the couch, we just automatically pick up that bag of chips. Habits are easily formed and not so easily broken, but it can be done. Try taking a different route home or going for a walk through the park instead if you’re out; if you’re at home when cravings hit, make it a habit to text a certain friend when you sit down, or change up the order of your evening – try jumping in the shower, for example.

Food cravings are more complicated than they seem. All the science seems to be telling us that our brains and bodies are working together when these cravings hit – and it can feel like they’re both working against us! But now that you know what might be going on behind your undeniable urge to eat chocolate or french fries, you can use the strategies provided to try to stay on a healthier course. Of course, don’t forget to have that piece of chocolate cake now and again – and really, really enjoy it!

Negative Feelings About Retirement? How to Deal with Those Unexpected Emotions

Retirement. For some, it’s something they’ve been looking forward to for half of their working lives; for others, it’s a necessary evil that they learn to live with. However you felt about retirement before taking the plunge (or being pushed off the edge), you might find that your feelings change as you start to settle into your new lifestyle – you might even find that some unexpected emotions begin to crop up. This is totally normal; after all, retirement is a huge life change! Know that you are not alone in dealing with these issues, and know also that you can find ways to deal with them, and get on the road to a more fulfilling retirement.

A New You

When you were younger, you may have had an idealized view of retirement, or thought of it in a more 20th century way: it’s just something that you do when you hit a certain age. The truth is, retirement is complicated. There are multiple reasons why we do it, both positive and negative – and researchers have found that it’s usually a combination of both. Dissatisfaction with work could be mixed with a desire to spend more time with loved ones, or doing the things that you truly enjoy. You could be forced into retirement because of health issues, or a restructuring of your company.

Whatever brought you to this point in your life, though, you have to recognize that, in some ways, you may feel like your identity is shifting when you’re no longer working at a long-held job. Sometimes changing our perspective and feeling like a new version of ourselves is liberating and positive, but sometimes, as for many retirees, it can lead to a confusing tangle of emotions. Some people may even experience a delayed reaction: Elizabeth Mokyr Horner, PhD, of the University of California, Berkeley, found that some retirees experience a “sugar rush” of well-being and life satisfaction directly after retirement, followed by a sharp decline in happiness afterwards.

What this all means is that you have to look after your psychological well-being just as you would your financial well-being in retirement. You can start by examining the unexpected negative feelings you may be experiencing, and trying to find some creative ways to combat them.

black and white picture of an older caucasian woman with her face in her hands — *Some people will experience a sense of loss as to who they are once they leave their job.*

A Sense of Loss

What you might be experiencing: As we touched on above, people often link their job with who they are, so you may experience a sense of loss – or even grieving – when you retire. In fact, according to Deana Arnett, senior planning consultant at Rosenthal Wealth Management Group, people “get their identities wrapped up in what they do for a living, and once that’s gone, if there’s not something else there to fill the space, that’s when the depression and dissatisfaction kicks in.” Retirement can also mean the loss of the daily interactions and challenges that were part of your life everyday for many years, and losing those can add to the sadness you feel.
What you can do: The key here is finding and accepting support. This could come from family and friends, a church or religious organization, a therapist, or a support group. Connecting with new people or places can go a long way, especially when combined with reconnecting in meaningful ways to the people and places you already love. You can also try getting creative and writing or journaling about your feelings of loss, or making a memory book.

Guilt

What you may be experiencing: This one may not have been on your radar, but many retirees actually end up feeling guilty in many ways after they retire. “It seems to be a mix of guilt over good fortune (being able to retire comfortably), shirking duties (no longer having to work or be productive), spending money that may be needed for the future (not adequately appreciating money available), and having access to benefits (like Social Security and pensions),” according to Steven M. Albert, PhD, a professor in the department of behavioral and community health sciences and chairman for research and science at the University of Pittsburgh Graduate School of Public Health. “It may also involve a kind of survivor guilt – making it to this point intact and with resources, unlike others less fortunate.” You might also feel guilty if you aren’t somehow “making the most of” every second your work-free day.
It’s okay to splurge a little without feeling guilty, you just have to budget wisely!

What you can do: First of all, give yourself a little grace. You don’t have to spend every second engaged in some sort of meaningful pursuit, or chasing adventure. It’s ok to spend some days binge watching and not bungee jumping!

Next, if you feel guilty every time you splurge on takeout with your spouse or friends, be proactive. Talk to a financial planner and do an honest, thorough assessment of your finances. Figure out where you can cut or move funds around. Invest wisely. And, if you’re feeling unproductive and uncomfortable about money, there’s no rule saying you can’t look for a part-time job to fill some of your time.

Finally, if your good fortune suddenly seems like a burden, get out into the community and volunteer! We’ll look at this option a little more closely below.

Remorse

What you might be experiencing: Are you wondering “did I do the right thing?” Buyer’s remorse can be real when you retire, especially if you ended up retiring before you thought you would. Or maybe your remorse is more about what could have been: maybe you feel like you missed an opportunity for career advancement somewhere along the way, or that you didn’t set your financial goals high enough.

What you can do: If it’s buyer’s remorse you’re suffering from, you might simply need a change of perspective. Yes, you gave up working – but did you get something back in return? For example, maybe you have an elderly parent who will no longer be around in 5 years, or grandchildren that are at an age when hanging out with grandma is still the best thing ever. That certainly won’t last! There are pros and cons to everything, and retirement is no different – so try to focus on the pros.

On the other hand, if you’re spending your time going over and over in your head what might have been, or what you might have done wrong, then it’s time to move forward. If you feel like you have unfinished business with someone from your working life, try to work it out with them. If you wished you had somehow “done more,” try signing up for classes and furthering your education, or again, look into part-time work. Life doesn’t end at retirement!

Dissatisfaction

What you might be experiencing: Many of us have an idealized view of retirement, but you may end up having your bubble burst. You may simply feel dissatisfied with your retirement: According to Candy Spitz, LCSW, a board-certified life coach at Unlimited Paths based in Church Falls, Virginia, “Sometimes people think, ‘This isn’t what I thought it would be’.”
What you can do: First of all, don’t think about retiring from something, think about retiring to something – a new life, with a new perspective, and new opportunities. If you take away a big part of your life – your career – you need to fill that space. As mentioned above, further education or part-time jobs are great ways to embark on something new.

Another excellent option is to volunteer, which was also one of our ideas for combatting feelings of guilt at your lack of productivity, or at your good fortune. A recent study in the Journal of Aging and Health led by Eva Kahana, PhD, of Case Western Reserve University, found that people living in retirement communities reported higher levels of life satisfaction and fewer depressive symptoms if they were involved in volunteering.

Not only can volunteering boost your mental state, but it can also increase your physical health. Researchers have found that older adults who volunteer 200 hours over the course of a year are less likely to develop hypertension than non-volunteers. According to psychologist Sheldon Cohen, PhD, “Volunteering may increase feelings of purpose and meaning in life, and commuting to volunteer sites and activities may also increase physical activity, therefore decreasing hypertension risk. All of these have the potential of improving cardiovascular health.” So if you’re feeling bored, cooped up, and lacking in purpose, volunteerism might be just what you need to get your heart pumping.

The bottom line is, whatever you’re feeling now that you’re retired, it’s normal, and it’s ok. Your life has changed drastically, and you’ll need an adjustment period. Take time to grieve if you need to, find a good support network, and look for what makes life meaningful to you, whether that’s giving back to your community, finding a second chance career, or returning to old passions and hobbies. Your fulfillment will look different from someone else’s, and no one can tell you how to be happy. If you want to binge watch, go ahead! You’ve earned some downtime. And if you want to go bungee jumping, more power to you – just be safe out there!

Tag: healthy lifestyle