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Is Intuitive Eating the Key to Better Health and Less Guilt?

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when it happened. One day, you were a kid, overjoyed when you got invited to a birthday party and could spend an afternoon not only playing, but also enjoying pizza, cake, and ice cream without a care in the world…and then one day, you were an adult, and categorizing foods as “good” and “bad,” as well as assigning guilt to your enjoyment of things like pizza and ice cream (which are obviously, in this topsy-turvy adult world, in the “bad” category). But is thinking of food that way actually helpful for your physical (and mental) health at all? Probably not – and if you ask those who follow an “intuitive eating” protocol, they would say that ditching those judgmental ways of thinking can free you from toxic guilt, allow you to fully enjoy your food, and even make you healthier. Sounds good, right? So what exactly is intuitive eating, and could it be right for you?

What Is Intuitive Eating?

caucasian woman biting into a green apple — *Intuitive eating helps you get in touch with your hunger cues, cravings, feeling full, and more.*

The first thing you need to know about intuitive eating is that it is not a diet – there is no counting or tracking, no meal plans, and absolutely no emphasis on discipline or willpower. Instead of focusing on these external things imposed by outside forces, this philosophy of eating tells you to listen to your own internal cues, and essentially reminds you that you – and only you – are the expert on your body and its hunger signals. There is no focus on numbers on the scales; in fact, intuitive eating completely separates your “healthy weight” from your actual health, which includes not only your physical health, but also your overall well being.

When following intuitive eating, you guide yourself towards food choices by getting in touch with your physical self: your feelings of fullness, your cravings, and how food makes you feel. The purpose of following an intuitive eating protocol is also to get you out of the dieting mindset and finally free yourself of the rules that tell you when, what, and how much to eat.

Basically, this philosophy reminds us that we were all born intuitive eaters: as babies we cried when we were hungry, ate till we were full, and then stopped; as children, we filled ourselves with what we needed that day, and didn’t question why we wanted three bowls of strawberries one day and just three crackers the next; and most often we ended up eating a variety of foods and getting what was required to grow up healthy.

According to intuitive eating advocates, it is only as we grow up, and as we learn the “rules” of eating (like cleaning our plates, not eating something because it is “bad” for us, or not eating even when we are hungry because we should be “dieting”), that we move away from the way we were born to eat. The purpose of intuitive eating is to move us back in that direction, and improve both our mental and physical health along the way. But can it really do that?

What Are the Benefits of Practicing It?

According to the philosophy of intuitive eating, the “rules” surrounding eating that we learn as we get older can set off a variety of harmful behavior, including yo-yo dieting, restricting, binging, emotional eating, and obsessing about food. The effects of all this are physical and psychological: for example, in terms of physical health, despite our country’s obsession with weight and clean-eating, obesity and chronic health conditions are continually on the rise. In terms of our psychological health, because we learn that certain bodies are more valued than others, and we are told that changes to the way we eat can make our body more or less valuable, we are faced with statistics like this: only about 20% of women feel “very” or “extremely” satisfied with their weight, according to recent research in the journal Body Image.

But it’s possible that intuitive eating can help. In terms of simple nutrition alone, there is evidence that following this way of eating can lead to healthier choices: as people reject restrictive food rules, they find that junk-food binges lose their rebellious appeal, and that nutritious foods (proteins, whole grains, vegetables) are more satisfying and make their bodies feel better. According to Evelyn Tribole, one of the authors who literally wrote the original book on intuitive eating, “More than 100 studies show that intuitive eating offers a multitude of health benefits.”

caucasian woman smiling with her hands up — *Intuitive eating leads to optimism, and motivation to exercise more.*

And these benefits are apparently not just physical: people who scored high on an Intuitive Eating Scale had higher body and life satisfaction and better coping skills, while people with low scores reported more eating disorder symptoms and less satisfaction with their bodies. According to a recent review of 14 studies, intuitive eating is also associated with:

Increased psychological hardiness
Increased optimism
More motivation to exercise for pleasure

So how do you begin to reconnect with, and feel more positive about, your body?

The 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating

Relearning to trust your body, and adopting body-positive behaviors, like exercising and eating in ways that actually make you feel good, and freeing yourself of strict weight-loss expectations might actually be easier said than done. But the way to begin, according to this philosophy, is to first learn to distinguish between physical and emotional hunger.

Physical hunger is the actual biological urge to replenish your body with nutrients, and includes the familiar sensations of a growling stomach, fatigue, and irritability, and can be satisfied with any food.
Emotional hunger is driven by an emotional need. Sadness, loneliness, boredom – any of these feelings can cause cravings for certain comfort foods, but eating them will not satisfy the hunger, it will usually only lead to feelings of guilt and self-loathing.

Easy enough, right? But the tricky part might be figuring out how to make eating more about satisfying the physical hunger in a positive, healthy way without triggering the guilt that eating for emotional reasons often does. To that end, Evelyn Tribole and her co-author, Elyse Resch, created the 10 key principles of intuitive eating. Again, there are no “rules,” no “wrong” or “right” here, just ideas to digest and incorporate into your life:

Reject the diet mentality – Unfortunately, most signs point to the fact that diets simply don’t work (one-third to two-thirds of weight is typically regained within a year, and almost all is usually regained within five years, and approximately 60% of people who diet gain back more weight than they lost). Not only do they often not improve your health in a sustainable way, but they can set you on a shame spiral. Intuitive eating tells you to stop looking for the “perfect” diet that will work for you.

Honor your hunger – Intuitive eating says that your body deserves to be properly fed; it also points out that adequate fueling is the only way that your body will function at its best. In addition, if you deny your hunger, you will be more likely to overeat, so learning to get back in touch with your hunger cues is vital.

Make peace with food – We’ve all been there: cutting certain foods out of your diets (we’re looking at you, french fries) means you only want them more, and can lead to bingeing. Making peace with your food means giving yourself the permission to eat all the foods you enjoy, so you can eventually reset your ability to moderate your eating.

Challenge the food police – While making peace with your food is all about giving yourself the physical permission to eat what you like, challenging the food police means giving yourself the emotional permission, and getting rid of the notion that food has judgment values attached to it. In other words, foods are not “good” or “bad,” and you are not “good” or “bad” for what you eat or don’t eat.

Respect your fullness – Your body will tell you when it is hungry, and it will also tell you when you are full. Listen to it!

Discover the satisfaction factor – Remember, part of healthful eating is getting pleasure out of the experience – you have a right to enjoy your food! Sit down, relax, connect with other people, eat things that taste good to you – you might find that it will take less food to satisfy you.

Honor your feelings without using food – Emotional eating is a way to deal with (or not deal with) your feelings, so find other ways to look after your mental health, like taking walks, talking to friends, journaling, or meditating. But remember, there should be no guilt attached to unwinding after a long day with splitting a pizza with friends or diving into some indulgent ice cream.

Respect your body – Intuitive eating definitely overlaps with the body positivity, or maybe even body neutrality movement, and encourages you to shift from focusing on criticizing the way your body looks to respecting it for what it can do. It might be difficult to shift your thinking in this way, but if you start by being kind to your body, instead of trying to punish it, and remember to always respect it (even if it takes time to love it) you’ll reach a point where you’ll make healthier choices both physically and emotionally.

Exercise – feel the difference – Again, the goal shouldn’t be to punish your body; choose a type of movement you enjoy, and, instead of focusing on calories burned and the weight loss aspects of exercise, think about the positive ways it makes you feel, like more energized, stronger, and more alive. This way, your body will get what it needs, you’ll feel good, and you’ll be less likely to over-exercise or avoid it altogether.
Honor your health – gentle nutrition – After you’ve spent some time healing your relationship to food with the principles above, you can start to focus a little more on your nutrition, and as you do, it might be helpful to think about what you can add rather than what you should subtract. In addition, gentle nutrition is all about taking the long view of your eating patterns: remember, one meal or snack won’t make or break your health – it’s all about enjoying your food and fueling your body.

When it comes down to it, a lot of us might need to focus more on how we’re eating as opposed to being obsessed with what we’re eating. So if you feel like you’re caught in a never ending, useless, and emotionally damaging cycle of dieting, it might be worth stepping back, reconnecting with your hunger cues, and moving towards a more respectful way of treating your body. It might just lead to an improved body image and quality of life!

How the “Mental Load” Is Dragging You Down and What You Can Do

We’ve all heard the jokes and seen the memes: adulting is hard. Yes, yes it is: getting yourself to work every day so you can pay your bills, doing taxes, grocery shopping – none of it is exactly fun. Maybe it all makes you long for the days when someone took care of all the important stuff for you, someone who not only helped you with what you needed to do, but kept everything organized, remembered where everything was, and did the worrying for both of you.

So what kind of magical being could possibly do all of that? Well, in many families, that burden falls on the mother of the house, who can often end up feeling burnt out, not just because of all the actual tasks she has to do (and there are a lot of them!), but because of what’s known as the “mental load” (also known as cognitive labor, worry work, or invisible labor) that goes along with having all of those responsibilities. All of this keeping on top of things can lead to mental and even physical issues for (usually) moms, so what can you do to keep yourself from drowning under the weight of the mental load?

What Is the Mental Load?

What runs through your mind as you try to fall asleep at night? If it’s fluffy sheep leaping through a meadow as you peacefully count them, we’re not talking to you – but if it’s things like taking mental inventory of how much toilet paper is left in the house, making a list of appointments to make for your kids, and trying to remember if you defrosted dinner for the next day, then you know exactly what the mental load is.

It’s the behind-the-scenes work of managing a household full of people; it’s the overseeing of everything; it’s being burdened with never-ending to-do lists constantly running through your mind – and it’s making you feel overwhelmed. You help with the homework, keep the kitchen stocked (while remembering what everyone likes, at least for that week), schedule everything (and somehow keep those schedules straight in your head), take those few extra minutes to check all the coupon apps to stay on budget, do the laundry, make any and all travel prep, know everything that’s going on your kids’ lives, and basically keep a running list of everything that needs to be done.

And, more than likely, if you’re nodding along to all of this, you’re a woman and a mother in a heterosexual partnership. For example, here are some eye-opening statistics:

A 2019 study found that women in heterosexual relationships tend to take on more of the cognitive labor. They found this particularly true when it came to anticipating the needs of others and monitoring progress.
Another 2019 study found that 65% of the moms who participated had a job, but 88% reported they were still the ones that primarily managed routines at home, and 76% said they were mostly responsible for maintaining regular household standards and order. And, according to a New York Times survey, 66% of women say they’re responsible for child care and 70% say they’re in charge of housework.
In one study, nearly 9 in 10 partnered mothers said they felt solely responsible for managing their families’ schedules; another study found that 72% of working moms feel that it’s their responsibility to keep on top of their kids’ schedules.
52% of working moms say they feel burnt out from staying on top of everything.
Roughly 3 in 5 working women say they think about household tasks while at work.
69% of working moms agree that household responsibilities create a mental load.

illustration of a woman on the phone, feeding a baby, while ironing a shirt. — *Studies show that about 69% of working moms agree that household responsibilities create a mental load.*

And just because division of labor has become more equitable in many households over the past few decades, doesn’t mean that the mental load has gotten any lighter; if anything, women are recognizing it more. In fact, according to Lucia Ciciolla, PhD, a psychologist at Oklahoma State University who has researched the impacts of invisible labor on mothers, “even though women may be physically doing fewer loads of laundry, women are realizing that they continue to hold the responsibility for making sure it gets done – that the detergent doesn’t run out, that all of the dirty clothes make it into the wash, that there are always clean towels available, and that the kids have clean socks. Women are recognizing that they still hold the mental burden of the household even if others share in the physical work, and that mental burden takes a toll.”

Taking Its Toll

So, no, you’re not imagining things. You not only have a huge amount to do, but you also have a huge amount to think about, and it’s dragging you down and burning you out. And when we say “burning you out,” it’s might be having noticeable mental and physical effects, like:

Anxiety and depression – Being overwhelmed is taking its toll on women: according to the CDC, 1 in 10 women, mothers included, experience symptoms of depression, and women are almost twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders. Feeling like you’re never able to step away from everything you’re juggling can cause symptoms of these psychological issues, or heighten them in people who are already prone to experiencing them.

Sleep deprivation – Sure, when you’re a new mom you’re going to be kept up at night by your baby, but for many women, problems sleeping can continue long past the newborn phase; in fact, 74% of moms have experienced symptoms of insomnia. The physical and mental demands of motherhood might end up keeping you up at night – add onto that the “mom guilt” that is might be playing on your mind, and you have a recipe for serious sleep deprivation, which can in turn lead to irritability, a weakened immune system, and feeling disconnected from your family.

Memory problems – If you’re a mom, you’ve probably made a joke about “mom brain” at some point, maybe after you’ve misplaced your keys for the tenth time, or forgotten that your glasses are on your head…but you know what? It’s actually a real thing, and taking on the mental load of motherhood certainly doesn’t help improve it. The term for it is “postnatal depletion,” defined as a “physical and mental deterioration” that can occur from losing nutrients like iron, zinc, and B12 following childbirth – but because of the stresses of parenthood, this “depletion” can last for years. According to Suzie Welsh, R.N., MSN, “What happens over time is that mothers take on more of the mental work when raising children, thus leading to ‘mommy brain’ and easily turning into a more serious issue of postpartum depletion.” Women who experience this prolonged depleted state can end up with fatigue that sleep doesn’t help relieve, difficulty concentrating, and memory issues.

Headaches – How often have you said the words, “Mommy has a headache”? Probably three times more often than your male partner, unfortunately. Why are women three times more likely to experience headaches? Hormones, stress levels, anxiety, lack of sleep, and burnout all contribute to frequent headaches: according to Jaclyn Fulop, board licensed physical therapist, “Stress and the mental load of a mother can wreak havoc on the body, releasing chemicals causing the body to react, going into a state of fight or flight. The body cannot distinguish between an actual threat or the stresses of daily life. If this cycle repeats itself, it will affect the central nervous system and the brain causing pain signals in the body, which can ultimately lead to triggers in the body.”

Is There Anything You Can Do?

The mental load takes up space in your head, is a drag on your physical and mental health, and keeps you from doing things just for you – and we don’t just mean stuff you have to do, but stuff you – gasp – want to do. The only real solution is to take on less, but that can be far more easily said than done, especially for moms, who often have trouble asking for help. But remember, saying you need help is NOT admitting defeat, and taking time for yourself or letting go of certain worries is NOT selfish.

So, while there’s no one solution to this problem, there are some things you can consider to help lighten the load:

Set boundaries – What’s one of the first words your children learned? No! Now that you’re a mom, you might have to relearn that word, as well as learn to recognize and accept your limitations: you can’t take on everything.

Make time for yourself – As with all of these ideas, this one can also be tough; after all, you don’t want to make carving out “me time” just another source of stress. So, start small, with say 5 or 10 minutes a day during which you take a walk, meditate, read, or just breathe – anything that grounds you. That, plus adding in 20-minute power naps whenever you can, will also help to reduce headaches and feelings of fatigue.

Make technology your friend – Whenever you can automate something, do it! For example, put things like diapers or toilet paper on subscription, use grocery delivery services (yes, you’ll still have to order your groceries, but at least you’ll have that extra hour when you’d normally be at the store!), and set up automatic bill pay.

Talk to your partner – Notice we didn’t use the word “delegate” here. Having to delegate tasks is actually part of the mental load; as the artist EMMA explains in a viral comic explaining the mental load, “When a man expects his partner to ask him to do things, he’s viewing her as the manager of household chores. So it’s up to her to know what needs to be done and when. What our partners are really saying, when they ask us to tell them what needs to be done, is that they refuse to take on their share of the mental load.” So how do you approach this? Well, that could be a whole article in itself! But think about this:

- - Start the conversation by finding common ground; for example, you can say something like, “I know you value contributing equally to our relationship, and I think you may not realize I have more responsibilities that go unnoticed.”
  - Use “I” statements instead of “you” accusations.
  - Offer concrete examples of your mental load, including pointing out that delegating itself is part of the load.
  - When dividing up tasks, account for the tasks themselves and the invisible labor, and explain that you want to share the management of tasks, not just the tasks themselves.
  - Be careful of “gatekeeping,” or monitoring, criticizing, and worrying about the way another person does the things you normally do; trust your partner to get things done, and if it’s truly important to you that something gets done a certain way, explain why. Remember, you’ve probably internalized a lot of expectations about how your house should be run, so letting go can be hard – but can also be very freeing!

Ask for help in other ways – It’s ok to go outside of your own headspace and let other people in, and we’re not just talking about your partner. Talk with your friends who are moms; they’re probably feeling the same, and would most likely welcome a “me time” exchange, in which one day you let all the kids play at your house while your friend does something she wants to do, and vice versa. And remember, if symptoms of anxiety and depression are creeping in, don’t hesitate to speak to a mental health professional.

Do you recognize yourself in all of this? Trust us, we get it, and we know that the weight of the mental load can be overwhelming, and lead to burn out. That’s why it’s important to carve out time for yourself, as well as reach out to others to let them know that you just need some space to breathe. Being a mom (or a dad!) is a great joy, and also a lot of work, but you don’t need to lose yourself along the way.

Staying Single? You’re Not Alone and You Might Be Better Off

Ah, married life. It’s the natural state of affairs for humans, right? Pairing off for life is what we’re meant to do, have always done, will always do – or is it? Well, actually, monogamy is a relatively new thing as far as human history goes; as for being destined for it, throughout the last few centuries, most “experts” have pushed it as the best path to take, and more people than not have entered into matrimony – but that might all be changing.

An explosion of studies and surveys on singles and the single life in the last few years have shown that there are currently more single people in the U.S. than there have ever been, and these singles aren’t the sad, isolated individuals that they have often been portrayed as or assumed to be. In fact, if you’re staying single, you’re not only in good company, but you’re also probably happy about it, and enjoying some possibly unexpected benefits of choosing to fly solo.

The Power of One

caucasian woman in a pink robe moving butter in a pan with a wooden stick — *Studies show that about 42% of adults choose to live without a spouse or partner.*

When it comes to demographics, single people have never been a more powerful group than they are now. Think about this: in 1950, around 22% of the adult population was single, but now? According to recent Census data, nearly 118 million U.S. residents are divorced or widowed or have always been single (up from almost 116 million just the year before); that’s more than 45% of all Americans aged 18 or older, and we’re heading steadily towards at least 50% of the population being unmarried.

Not only that, but a study from the Pew Research Center predicts that by the time today’s young adults reach the age of 50, about one in four of them will have been single all their life. And people aren’t just staying unmarried, they’re also choosing more and more to live alone, with 42% of adults living without a spouse or partner, up from 39% last decade.

“It’s become legitimate and viable to be single for a long period of time,” says Eric Klinenberg, sociology professor at New York University. “That’s never been the case before.”

Marriage No Longer Equals Adulthood

There was a time that marriage was considered a major (if not the main) step into adulthood; in fact, in decades past, many young adults (especially women) left their parents’ home only when they got married, and most young people were not considered fully “grown up” if they had not yet settled down with a spouse. But those perceptions have dramatically shifted: according to a recent Census Bureau report, a full 55% of participants said that getting married was not an important criterion for becoming an adult, while 95% said that getting an education and having full-time employment was at least somewhat important.

Who’s Getting More Action?

Here’s a (not so) fun fact: according to researchers who have analyzed survey data from the last three decades, the average person now has sex around nine fewer times per year than the average person in the early ‘90s. Sure, the fact that there are more single people out there with less daily opportunity for sex might have something to do with that, but it turns out that the decrease in frequency was more pronounced in married (and divorced) people, compared to people who had always been single.

When it comes to who’s having more sex in general, that’s up for debate, with some data actually pointing towards single people winning out. But considering that married couples have greater access to regular sex, it’s not bad that married couples have sex on average 1.2 times per week, unmarried couples who live together have sex 1.6 times per week, people who aren’t in a steady relationship have sex 0.6 times per week, and singles who are dating regularly have sex 1.1 times per week – almost as often as married people.

Married Life, Healthy Wife?

Conventional wisdom has told us for ages that the married state means better health; after all, what can be better for you than having someone at home to support you and look after you? Well, three studies done in 2017 have raised some serious questions about who is actually healthier: single or married people?

One study of almost 80,000 older American women concluded that those who got or stayed married gained more weight and drank more than those who stayed single or got divorced; in fact, the women who got divorced ate healthier, got more exercise, and had smaller waists than the married women!

Another 16-year long Swiss study found that married participants reported worse health than their unmarried counterparts, while a study conducted in the U.S. by sociologist Dmitry Tumin found that, among 12,000 men and women studied in multiple scenarios and with different variables, almost none of the people who got married reported being healthier.

The Feel Good (About Yourself) Factor

silhouette of a woman with her hands out and head facing up with a sunset in the background — *Studies also show that singles lead very well-rounded lives, and prioritize themselves more.*

Our society often links finding a mate with a boost to our self-esteem, reasoning that “having someone” makes us feel better about ourselves – but turns out this is not necessarily the case for everyone (or even most people). In a recent study in Germany on the link between romantic relationships and self-esteem, researchers Eva C. Luciano and Ulrich Orth concluded that “Beginning a relationship improves self-esteem if and only if the relationship is well-functioning, stable, and holds at least for a certain period (in the present research … one year or longer).”

Not only that, but people whose relationships lasted less than a year ended up with lower self-esteem than when they started, and even those who got married and stayed married showed no signs of having higher self-esteem than did unmarried people.

And other studies show that, in practical terms, we really don’t need marriage to feel good about ourselves or to be fulfilled; it’s been proven that singles lead very well-rounded lives that aren’t focused on one relationship. Says Eric Klinenberg of his research findings, “It turns out, people who live alone are actually more likely to volunteer in civic organizations than people who are married,” he says. “They’re also more likely to spend time with friends and with neighbors. And of course they’re a big reason that there’s so much activity and vitality in the public areas of cities today—they’re not people who are self-involved, sitting on the couch just buying things on eBay. They’re really a crucial part of modern social life.”

Flipping the Script on What Women Want

One stereotype about women that has really persisted over the years is that women are the ones who are yearning to be married, to settle down and raise a family, and who can’t possibly be happy if they don’t find love. Men have traditionally been seen as more likely to value their independence, be adventurous, and have things other than romantic relationships to give their lives meaning. But this new spotlight on the lives of single people might finally be bringing us one step closer to getting rid of those stereotypes, and recognizing that single women often remain that way by choice and have the same – if not stronger – ambitions than men do.

For example, one recent study of over a thousand single younger adults found that both men and women felt that being single benefited their lives, with 79% of men and 83% of women agreeing. And the women’s strong opinions didn’t stop there – the survey found that the women, more often than the men:

Felt that being able to focus more on their career was a benefit to being single, as was the potential to make more new friends
Chose to stay single to prioritize themselves and their own needs
Said they valued independence, adventurousness, and their own space
Felt more empowered by being single

Looks like it’s time to update our understanding of how young singles – especially young women – want to live their lives.

The Single Life Is Like a Fine Wine

Young people might have other ambitions than those involving finding a partner, but what about older folks who have remained single, or become single later in life? How happy are they as they age? Well, one study of adults ages 40-85, conducted over nearly two decades, found that, as they got older, single people became more satisfied with their lives, and that partnership status became less relevant to loneliness over time.

The findings were clear-cut, but experts can only speculate as to why older singles were so satisfied, suggesting that older singles experienced less stigma, were able to do big things that their married peers weren’t doing, experienced more personal growth and a sense of freedom, or even that the lack of predictability in their lives could mean more exciting possibilities. Whatever the case, it looks there’s one more stereotype we can do away with: that of the lonely, older unmarried person who deserves our pity – they might be having more fun than any of us!

Hey, nobody is knocking married life – after all, there are millions of happily married people out there! But we should certainly give the same respect to the single life, and acknowledge that there are also people out there making the choice to focus their lives in different ways – and they are no less happy, healthy or fulfilled!

Seniors: Don’t Become the Victim of Utility Scams!

As we head into late summer, and start dreaming of crisp fall weather and pumpkin spice, it’s worth remembering that summer hazards are still around us in full force. That includes things like the risks of heatstroke and sunburn, but also the chance that your area could be hit with a natural disaster like a major storm or wildfire. Natural disasters like these can not only cause damage and devastation to your property, but they could also wreak havoc on your access to utilities like electricity, gas, water, and phone lines – and, as if that weren’t bad enough, there are scammers out there impersonating utility company representatives who could try to take advantage of you when you are at your most vulnerable. Remember, though, while these scams increase following natural disasters that affect people’s power and water, they can happen at any time, so be ready by knowing how to identify scammers – and how to handle them!

The Scams

It’s depressing to think that there are people out there who will lie to make a quick buck, and especially depressing that they tend to do it to older people during difficult times, but it’s something you need to be aware of. Information from organizations like the Better Business Bureau (BBB), the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), and FEMA point to the fact that incidences of utility scams dramatically increase after natural disasters, and these organizations urge people (especially seniors) to know scammers’ tactics, what to do when confronted by a possible utility scammer, and the general do’s and don’ts of dealing with any sort of utility company issues.

Emily Wu, an attorney for the FTC, gives an overview of what to look out for: “Scammers know severe weather may have shut off your electricity, heat, and water, and might pose as your utility company. They might call to say that they’re sorry your power went out and offer a reimbursement, but first they need your bank account information. They might email you to say that there’s an error in their system, and you have to give them personal information so they can turn your gas on again. They could even threaten to leave your utilities shut off if you don’t send them money immediately. But those are all lies.”

Let’s take a closer look at what you should be watching out for, and specifically how these scammers might try to contact you:

At Your Door

illustration of a person with a yellow tie through the door peephole — *Some scammers will come to your door asking for immediate payment.*

Scammers might go the old-fashioned route and come to your door, so be very suspicious of anyone who doesn’t have an appointment or who shows up if you haven’t contacted the utility company for assistance. They might ask for immediate payment, or even for access to your home so that they can try to steal items or your personal information; they might offer some of the following excuses for needing to come inside:

They need to check, repair, replace, or reset something inside, like your water or natural gas pipes, electrical wiring, or appliances, and might use scare tactics to get access.
They are offering a free service, like an energy “audit,” an “efficiency inspection,” or a water quality/pressure test.
They claim there’s a major gas leak or other serious issue in the area and they need to check your home.

Again, whatever you do, do not let anyone in who you are not expecting – any legitimate utility workers or representatives will make an appointment in advance, or will at least provide you with proper ID when they speak with you.

On the Phone

Utility phone scams are another common problem, and usually involve scammers trying to get payment of some form or your personal financial information. They might:

Demand immediate payment and threaten to disconnect your service if they don’t receive it, and they will often require that the payment be made in a specific way, like with a prepaid card. Utility companies will never require this type of payment, and will also send you one or more disconnection warnings first.
Call asking for payment, and give you a phony account or routing number to use to pay your bills, and will ask that you give them your financial info.
Tell you that you have “overpaid” on your last bill and have a reimbursement coming to you, but you need to give them your banking information so that they can deposit the funds.
Offer you an “express service” after a natural disaster, so that your power/water/gas is restored more quickly – but only if you pay an upfront “reconnection fee.”

Via Technology

Scammers these days have more than just these traditional tactics to fall back on; they might also try to contact you via:

Text message – Known as “smishing,” short for SMS phishing, scammers will send out texts that look like they’re from a utility company, and that ask for personal information that they can use for identity theft purposes. Your utility company will probably never ask for information this way, and will certainly never contact you via text message unless you’ve opted into that service. When in doubt, contact your utility company directly if you’ve received a text from them.

Email – Utility scammers can easily obtain your email address and send messages about errors in their system, or other technical issues that they need your personal information to resolve. Some scammers will even cleverly create a “bill” from your utility company and send it to you via email; this bill will often direct you to a bogus website that will steal your personal information.

The Do’s and Don’ts

All of this might sound a bit overwhelming, and a lot to worry about, but don’t worry! There are some specific things you can do (and not do!) to avoid being taken for a ride by utility scammers. Here are your basic do’s and don’ts of dealing with utility companies or problems:

Do:

Only use the phone number provided on your bill to contact your utility company if you are behind on a payment or have received a message from them. Never use a call back number from an unknown source, and always verify that every message comes from them.
Know how your utility company deals with customers; for example, they will never ask for personal information over the phone, and they will not simply cut off your service without advance warning.
Thoroughly question anyone that comes to your door or calls you and claims to be from your utility company – ask them for ID, their employee number, and for any specific information they can give you about your account.
Notify your utility company if you suspect you’ve been contacted by a scammer.
Tell your neighbors to be on the lookout if you suspect there’s a scammer making the rounds in your area.

Don’t:

computer mouse clicking action with a circle around it — *Do not click on any links in your email or text messages.*

Provide personal or financial information to anyone who comes to your door, calls you, or emails you – ever!
Use questionable payment methods to someone claiming to be with your utility company, including gift cards, cryptocurrency, prepaid cards, or wire transfer.
Get scared or allow yourself to be bullied! Scammers will threaten to immediately cut off your service, but your utility company will always send you multiple notices, as well as a date when they might cut off your service if it comes to that.
Let anyone into your home if you don’t have an appointment, haven’t requested help, or haven’t received advance notice from your utility company; even then, make sure to check their ID, and contact your utility company if you’re unsure.
Click on any links sent to you via text message or email unless you’re 100% sure they are from your utility company.

There’s no doubt about it: it stinks that there are people who are slimy enough to prey on older adults – and it makes it especially heinous that they often do so during the worst of times, like after a natural disaster. But remember that utility scams can happen at any time, they just get more frequent after these events, so always remain vigilant, and follow the tips above to keep yourself out of trouble!

Falling Back in Love with Travel: Top Getaways for the Fall

Remember traveling? You know, that thing we used to do that involves moving ourselves to a new location and enjoying it? All right, maybe you’re already out there racking up the miles, but some of us might be a bit rusty when it comes to exercising the old travel muscles! Well, if you’re ready to dust off your suitcases and start adventuring again, but are unsure where you want to hit first, we’ve got some ideas to get you moving – and there’s no better time to do it than the fall. Many places have great weather, some are quieter, less touristy, or cheaper, and others are just plain spectacular, so check out your options and get ready to do some serious vacation planning!

We’ve broken down some great choices for autumnal vacations into different categories, but remember, some destinations might be cheaper, quieter, and at their most beautiful in the fall!

For Those Seeking Beauty Right Here in the U.S.

North Adams, Massachusetts – The Berkshires have so much to offer year round, and the fall is an especially spectacular time to enjoy the natural beauty of this region. Take your car, or rent one, and drive the 63-mile Mohawk Trail, which culminates in North Adams, the “smallest city in the state.” Don’t be fooled by that name, though, this town has plenty to offer, including the country’s largest contemporary art museum, the Massachusetts Museum of Contemporary Art.

West Virginia – While this state doesn’t often pop up on the world’s list of tourist destinations, there are parts of it that are absolutely beautiful in the fall, and the weather is still mild enough there to enjoy being outdoors. Consider, for example, checking out Fayetteville, where you can take part in outdoor activities like rafting, fishing, hiking, and biking, as well as see some amazing scenery and fall foliage at the New River Gorge. Another gorgeous option is Harpers Ferry National Park, which is just an hour from Washington D.C., and offers plenty of hiking and water sports, as well as unparalleled views of the Blue Ridge Mountains.

Moab, Utah – Foliage not your jam? Fall is the time to finally check the Southwestern U.S. off of your bucket list! Fall means milder weather (instead of the heat-stroke inducing weather in the summer!) and beautiful sunsets, and there’s no better time to take in the unreal rocky landscapes at places like Arches National Park. There’s plenty to do all around Moab, from checking out prehistoric sites to water sports, so you’ll be entertained visually and otherwise. Can’t get enough of the awe-inspiring Southwest? Other national parks to put on your list include Bryce, Zion, Canyonlands, Grand Canyon, and Antelope Canyon.

Acadia National Park, Maine – Serious about your fall foliage? Then you need to head to this national park, which has some of the most amazing colors, and a beautiful, rugged coastline, as well as some great trails, kayaking, and paddling (if it’s not too chilly yet) – it even has a free bus that loops around it!

Great Smoky Mountains National Park, Tennessee – While there’s hiking galore to be had here, this popular – and spectacularly colorful – national park also has foliage spotting for those who prefer to do it from a car window. You can drive the scenic six-mile Roaring Fork Motor Nature Trail, and, if you’re still in the less-outdoorsy mood, head over to Dolly Parton’s theme park, Dollywood!

For Those Seeking Deals

Barbados – While you might be thinking, “Wait, the Caribbean in the fall? Isn’t that hurricane season?,” the island of Barbados is actually located at the Caribbean’s easternmost edge, so there is a lower risk of being hit with a major storm here, although you’ll probably get some passing showers each day. But that just means that Barbados is lusher and greener than islands like Aruba – and the best part is that prices are much lower than usual during the fall at most resorts here.

Upper Peninsula, Michigan – New England’s got some spectacular fall foliage, but the towns there can often have spectacularly high prices to match. A great, probably quieter, and almost definitely cheaper, alternative is the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, which has beautiful foliage in early October, as well as lighthouses, 300 waterfalls, and 100 miles of trails and views. It also has casinos, if you’re into that kind of thing!

Canada – If you head to parts of Canada, like Montreal, in the fall, you’ll find the beauty and charm of old-world Europe, with a much more budget-friendly price tag in this season than in the summer. Great museums, shopping, and parks await you there, but if you’re looking for something more rustic, consider Nova Scotia: taking a trip to Old Town Lunenburg feels like stepping back in time to an 18th century village, and you’ll enjoy some of the freshest seafood you could imagine. You’ll also find various Oktoberfests in this province, as well as beautiful fall foliage. If you’re closer to the West Coast, you can also consider a trip to Alberta – the weather there in the fall is very mild, and a mountain park like Waterton Lakes is a serene and beautiful place to soak up the autumn sights.

For Those Seeking Fewer Crowds

Yosemite National Park, Wyoming – Have you always wanted to see the famous geyser, Old Faithful? Well, so have millions of other people! But if you skip the summer months, you’ll also beat the worst of the crowds and will actually get a look at all the fabulous geothermal features that this spectacular national park has to offer. You might also have a better chance of catching a glimpse of some of the nearly 70 species of mammals (like bison, moose, elk, bears, and wolves) that live here: the elk begin rutting in September, while bears and other animals start coming out as the season progresses. Here’s a tip: save some money by staying somewhere outside of the park.

Cape Cod – Ever wonder how many human bodies you can fit on a beach? Just check out Cape Cod in the summer! But if you’re not a die-hard beach bum, why not check out this lovely area in the fall? Wander in peace along the Cape Cod National Shoreline, checking out its 60 beaches, cycle one of the many trails, or do a tour of the lighthouses, museums, or mansions dotting the landscape. Bonus: everything is cheaper in Cape Cod in the fall!

Crested Butte, Colorado – When many people think of beautiful Colorado mountain towns, they think of Aspen – but when you think of Aspen, you should also think of big crowds and a huge price tag. Here’s an idea for a getaway that is definitely more relaxing, and probably a bit easier on the wallet: Crested Butte. This isolated town in the heart of the Rockies also happens to be stunningly beautiful in autumn and is a great place to enjoy hiking, mountain biking, and world-class fishing, if that’s your thing! A bonus is that the Ohio Pass, which takes you from Gunnison to Crested Butte, is one of the most colorful autumn routes in the state.

Machu Picchu, Peru – No doubt this a real bucket list choice, but if you’ve been longing to get to this 15th-century Incan citadel, fall is actually the time to do it. Sure, it’s the rainy season, but you’ll find a lush landscape, as well as far, far fewer crowds and much cheaper rates. Just remember to check for availability on your visit to the site, as it does tend to book up year round.

For Those Seeking Ghostly Fun

Sleepy Hollow, New York – If you love all things creepy, head to Sleepy Hollow, NY, the setting of Washington Irving’s The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. This village really comes into its own around Halloween, when you can take lantern-lit tours of the cemetery, get really spooked by a full-on “haunted experience,” or take more family-friendly haunted hayrides.

The Island of Janitzio, Mexico – The Day of the Dead (November 1) is celebrated all over Mexico, so you really can’t go wrong choosing any part of this country if you’re looking to get in on the festivities, but one of the most famous celebrations takes place on the small island of Janitzio in Lake Pátzcuaro, located in the Mexican state of Michoacán (directly west of Mexico City and below the state of Jalisco).

For Those Seeking a Far-Flung Getaway

Bavaria, Southern Germany – For a true fairytale getaway (almost literally), jet off to Bavaria in southern Germany, famed for its Alpine forests (which make it like the Vermont of Europe in fall) and breathtaking castles (hence the fairytale aspect), like Neuschwanstein Castle, Linderhof Palace, Nuremberg Castle and the Burghausen Castle. If you’re looking for a more relaxed visit, skip the crazy crowds of Oktoberfest; many of the tourists will be drawn there, so the roughly 25 castles and Alpine trails will certainly be quieter than in the summer.

Greece – Beautiful weather, smaller crowds, and wine and olive harvesting make fall the perfect time for a once-in-a-lifetime trip to either the mainland of Greece (the streets of Athens will be so much quieter!), or a beautiful island, where you can relax and swim in the Aegean Sea far into the season.

Thingvellir National Park, Iceland – Iceland might sound frigid, but actually autumn in this part of the world is still relatively mild (although you’ll definitely needs to pack your sweaters), and the days are still long, and once you pass mid-September, you have the chance to see the spectacular aurora borealis dancing in the sky. While you can’t go wrong beauty-wise with any of part of Iceland, Thingvellir National Park is especially breathtaking, and is home to the largest natural lake in Iceland, Lake Thingvallavatn, as well as Gullfoss, also known as Golden Falls, sometimes referred to as Iceland’s version of Niagara Falls, and Strokkur geyser, which sits in the middle of a geothermal field surrounded by bubbling springs. Prices are also better at this time of year, and the flight is a relatively short 5 hours from New York.

Northern U.K. – The weather will probably be pretty brisk in this part of the world, but parts of the United Kingdom, like the Scottish Highlands and Snowdonia National Park in Northern Wales offer stunning scenery in the fall. In the Scottish Highlands, the rivers and lochs reflect all the fabulous copper and gold hues of the hillsides – check out Perthshire for some wonderful walks, as well as the tallest hedge in the world! Snowdonia National Park includes Mount Snowdon, the highest mountain in Wales, and is a popular destination for “ramblers.”

Well, we could absolutely go on and on – the list of amazing places to travel in arguably the loveliest of seasons is endless. But the above is a good start – there’s something there to please everyone – from castles to foliage to ghosts to geysers. It’s up to you to choose (good luck!) and get yourself back into that thing we call traveling – happy trails!

Meeting Financial Milestones: What REALLY Matters

Staying on top of your finances is hard, and not just because it can involve a whole lot of math. It’s hard because we’re creatures who are actually built to live in the present, and we’re just not biologically wired to plan ahead or to save. According to Dr. Brad Klontz, a certified financial planner and financial psychologist, “It’s why we were able to survive as a species. We’re actually wired to enjoy the moment now and to consume as much as possible.”

So it sounds like we’ve got a reason why it might be so hard to stick to our financial goals, but not really an excuse; after all, being financially responsible at all stages of our adult life is in our own best interest! And consider this: a recent survey by TD Ameritrade found that between 60% and 68% of respondents aged 40 to 79 would advise their younger selves to start saving money much earlier in life. The question is, then, how can you get yourself to focus on your finances and make smart choices that will help you save for things you need and want, as well as lead to greater security (and more fun!) in your retirement?

Well, you can start by thinking about some of the financial milestones that many experts say you should be hitting as you go through each decade of life. But that’s not all: remember that there is no hard and fast rule for the way everyone’s finances are going to look at each stage, so it’s important to relieve yourself of the stress of comparing yourself to others, as well as look at some more creative, yet practical, ways to get you to your financial goals.

What Are Some Traditional Financial Milestones?

When financial experts talk about how to set yourself up for future success, they sometimes lay out financial milestones to aim for as you move through different stages of life, so that you have some concrete goals to motivate you. For example:

In your 20s:

- - Create and stick to a budget
  - Save 3-6 months worth of expenses just in case
  - Pay down some debts, starting with higher interest ones (like credit cards), and then moving on to lower interest ones, like student loans
  - Start investing while you still have time on your side to grow your money
  - Try to have half of your annual salary saved by the time you’re 30

In your 30s

- - Think more seriously about your retirement savings. Many financial experts recommend putting aside 15% of your pre-tax salary towards savings; if that’s too difficult for you, contribute as much as you can, adding 1-2% each year.
  - Try to invest in real estate
  - Set up more specific savings accounts that are right for you, like a 401k, IRA, Roth IRA, or college savings accounts
  - Get a life insurance policy as another financial safety net for your family
  - Aim to have twice your annual salary in savings by the time you’re 40

In your 40s

- - Try to have 4 times your annual salary saved
In your 50s
- Pay off as many debts as you can as you approach retirement age
- Make sure you are investing the maximum amount into your retirement account every year
- Reduce the level of risk in your investment portfolio
- Aim to have 6 times your annual salary saved

Should You Stop Worrying About Keeping Up?

All of the above is a lot to think about, and some of the figures might have you feeling a little stressed, or some of the goals, like investing in real estate, might have you worrying about whether you’re “keeping up” with everyone around you. And you know what? Not everyone agrees that your financial journey has to go in a certain order, or has to look the same for everyone.

Take, for example, Paula Pant, a financial podcast host, writer, speaker, and media commentator on financial independence and real estate investing. She feels that one of the things that actually keeps people in debt, and keeps them from building their net worth, is focusing too much on the idea that you should have certain things by a certain age, and that making financial decisions based on what people expect you to do next is not actually helpful to getting what you want from your money – and out of life.

According to Pant, “…[P]eople think that money management is about money. It’s actually about life, you make the life decisions first, and then you use the financial planning piece, the money management piece to execute around that. Where people often go wrong is by doing those steps in reverse, by letting money govern their decision-making, rather than letting life be the leader. You know, I can’t answer for you what you deeply want.”

She advocates for thinking about what you really want, as well as not comparing yourself to others: “It’s natural to compare, but it’s not healthy,” according to Pant. “Imagine if we all started comparing our weight to one another? That is a recipe for some unhealthy thinking and unhealthy behavior because weight is not even a good way of knowing anything about a person anyway. And when you reduce a person’s weight to just a number and then start making comparisons, it leads to very unhealthy thinking. And yet we do that with money all the time.” Stressing about money and comparing yourself to where others are in life is not going to help your financial health (and could be detrimental to your actual health). So, before you put yourself on a super strict budget (like you might unhelpfully put yourself on a strict diet if you were comparing your weight with another person’s), consider these creative, yet very practical, ways to stay on track to meet your specific money goals.

Ways to Get Where You Want to Go

Paula Pant, as well as some other financial experts, aren’t focused on robust retirement savings as the one and only financial goal to work towards, or even just the traditional route of saving for a house, college, and retirement; they allow for other lifestyle goals that you might want to add into the mix. That being said, whatever your financial goals are, you still need money to get there, and it will take some work on your part to make sure you’re able to fully fund everything you want and need in life, now and in the future. So what are some suggestions for reaching your goals? Here are two that you might not have thought of, but that make total sense and can be applied in very practical ways:

The “Afford Anything” tradeoff – Paula Pant’s philosophy is based on the idea that we all have a limited amount of time, energy, attention, and money, so we have to constantly make decisions about how we want to spend those resources – and when it comes to money, it effectively means that if you spend money on one thing, you don’t have money for the other thing. Makes sense, right?

asian woman and man in wedding outfits hugging in the forest. — *Making an emotional connection to your finances, such as saving up for a wedding, will help you with reaching your financial goals.*

So the first step becomes, as we talked about above, thinking about what you really want and need to save for. Pay off debts, put aside necessary funds, but also make your goals for how you want to live your life, and make your money work for you by brainstorming everything you want/need money for. After all of that, do the math to see if and how you can realistically make it all happen. Pant gives an example of how this can work: She says, let’s say you want to pay for a wedding and an extended “mini retirement”: “All right—wedding, $10,000…your six month trip, a little mini sabbatical mini retirement—you’re going to budget $15,000 for that, right. So start putting dollar figures towards each one of those and then put an ideal date, on each one of those goals. And then from there, it becomes a simple division problem, right? If you want $15,000 to travel and you want that trip to start 15 months from now, that’s going to be $1,000 a month. Right. And so you then start kind of dividing out how much money you would need to save every month in order to reach each goal. And what’s going to happen is that the savings rate is going to add up to an unrealistic, astronomical figure, but now you can look at every goal and its timeline. You’ve divided that out in terms of what that means per month. And now that you know that you’ve got two choices—eliminate or extend. The two E’s. So which of those goals are you going to eliminate? And then which ones are you just going to extend out the timeline so that you’d have to save a smaller amount per month on your way towards that given goal.”

Make an emotional connection to your money – This one might sound a little weird, but hear us out – there is an actual study that backs this up! Dr Klontz, the financial psychologist we quoted above, conducted a study that found that people’s savings skyrocketed by 73% when they got fully and emotionally engaged in what they were saving for. Similar to what Paula Pant says, the point is that saving is just too difficult when it’s not for something that you really care about right now, or if you can’t actually picture what you’re saving for. And people who advocate for this theory of saving money mean that literally: keep an actual picture in sight that reminds you what you’re working towards, or create a digital board that you can keep adding to to get you excited about saving. It can be something small like a trip, or even your retirement; for example, you can have a picture of a couple in a hammock happily enjoying their retirement by the beach if that’s your long-term goal!

This more creative way of looking at your financial planning can then lead to more practical solutions. Once you’ve done your research about what you want, and have your picture in front of you, start the process of figuring out how you’ll get there: let’s say you need $5,000 for a dream trip and you’re giving yourself 5 years to plan. That means you’ll need to save $1,000 a year, so you’ll have to break that down to a weekly or monthly amount that you need to put aside, and make the necessary adjustments to your budget.

Financial planning and budgeting are probably not your idea of a good time (or maybe they are! Who are we to judge?), but they are necessary to take you where you want to go in life, and they don’t actually have to be as dry and stressful as you think. Remembering that financial milestones and money goals might look different for you than for others, and remembering that it is ultimately you who gets to choose where you want your savings to take you can help keep you on track for both a comfortable retirement and a fulfilling present!

Tag: healthy lifestyle