healthy lifestyle Archives - Page 19 of 54

Taking Control of Your Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is one of those things that we kind of started to make light of during the pandemic – you know, saying how we finally had an excuse to cancel our plans, and stay home and avoid the “peopley” outside world. But if you’re living with social anxiety disorder (SAD), even more mild versions of it, you know that the discomfort of it and the disruption to your life that it can cause are very real, and aren’t all that funny. You’re not just shy, or introverted, and you don’t need to brush off any symptoms you might be experiencing, but you do need to recognize it for what it is. The first step is speaking to your doctor or a mental health professional, but you can also take steps to help get your social anxiety under control and make things a little lighter in your life – and now’s the time, as we start to come back together after so long apart!

What Is Social Anxiety Disorder?

illustration of person's head with people all around it — *Social anxiety will interfere with your everyday life and relationships due to the fear of social interaction.*

It’s generally pretty common to feel nervous in at least some social situations, like a first date, or if you’re giving a presentation at work – even parties where you don’t know anyone but the host can be daunting for people who consider themselves extroverts. Social anxiety, however, is more than butterflies in your stomach in nerve-racking situations: it’s an intense feeling of self-consciousness, or an irrational fear that you’re being scrutinized and judged by others, and it can actually interfere with your everyday life and relationships, especially if it leads to avoidance of social interaction.

When you have to do things like interact with strangers, make eye contact, or initiate a conversation, you might get hit with any number of symptoms if you’re struggling with social anxiety. Many of them will be all in your head, otherwise known as cognitive symptoms, like:

Fearing situations where you don’t know other people
Worrying that you will be judged by others
Fearing that you’ll be embarrassed or humiliated
Thinking that others will notice your anxiety
Dreading upcoming events weeks in advance
Expecting the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a social situation
Analyzing your “performance” and picking out flaws in your interactions after a social situation

Other symptoms are displayed in your actions; these are behavioral symptoms and can include:

Avoiding social situations
Leaving or escaping from social situations
Using “safety behaviors” that help you avoid certain situations

Like we said, butterflies in the stomach can be normal, but social anxiety has different physical symptoms, like:

Blushing
Profuse sweating
Trembling hands
Muscle tension
Racing heart
Feelings of detachment from yourself
Nausea or diarrhea

These symptoms can be intense enough to lead to full-blown panic attacks and a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder, but remember, you might be still struggling with some form of social anxiety even if you aren’t diagnosed with full-on SAD, or if your symptoms are mild. So, in addition to medication and therapy (if those are appropriate for you), what are some things you can do to help relieve your symptoms, and begin to feel more at ease in the world?

Work on Your Skills

They say practice makes progress, right (well, we prefer the kinder version of the saying, since there’s no such thing as “perfect”)? And that includes working on your social skills! It might feel a little silly to sit down and think about how you’re going to tackle what seems to come so naturally to other people, but it can be really helpful to plan ways to make progress in your communication skills. For example:

Struggling with social anxiety often goes hand-in-hand with lacking assertiveness, so try out saying “no” in situations that require it, and by using “I” statements to communicate your needs to others.
Notice how you non-verbally communicate with others: are you standing with arms folded, shrinking into yourself? It can be hard to own your space, but try to be aware when you’re closing yourself off physically, and then try a more relaxed stance, so you can look – and feel – more confident and approachable.
When it comes to verbal communication, start small by getting used to jumping into conversations using the old, “Oh are you talking about X? I saw that too!” and then practicing listening and asking open-ended questions. Finally, try opening up and sharing more stories about yourself so others can get to know you!

Let It Out

Social anxiety can make you retreat into yourself, so it’s important to find a release, both physically and emotionally. Start by practicing being aware of how your anxiety affects your breathing: is it quick and shallow? If this is the case, slow down and breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth in counts of 3, until you’ve calmed your breathing, and can return to the normal rate of 10-12 breaths per minute.

Finding an emotional release might feel harder, but the solution is simple: you need to tell someone about your social anxiety. Speak to a friend or family member, and help them to understand what you are going through; having someone who you feel is “on your side” can be a huge relief. The bonus is that they can gently remind you that many of the things you are worried about have been greatly magnified in your head, and, as an outside observer, they can assure you that you aren’t being judged the way you often feel you are.

Challenge Negativity

And speaking of magnifying things in your mind, if you’re dealing with social anxiety, you’re most likely misinterpreting the facial expressions and other reactions of people around you, and adding a negative spin to them. In fact, you’re probably engaging in two very negative thought patterns:

Mind Reading – You might assume that you know what everyone around you is thinking about you, and you’ll put it all in the worst possible light as you project your anxieties onto others.

Personalizing – You might interpret other people’s behaviors as being related to you; for example, if someone is yawning, you might assume that you are boring them, or if they don’t respond to a message right away, you might assume that you have done something wrong and they are upset with you.

The best way to deal with these negative thoughts is by first figuring out the situations that trigger them, and then taking a step back and asking yourself questions to challenge them. For example, what are some other explanations for the yawning or the delayed reply that don’t have anything to do with you? There are always alternative explanations, so think of this before you jump to any negative conclusions!

Take a Chance on You

Avoidance is easy when you have social anxiety, and the more you avoid social situations and interactions, the more you will fear them (and you’ll also find more and more situations to avoid). So take charge of your anxiety, and take a chance on yourself: find some little things you can do to break free from your avoidance. For example:

Tell a funny story about yourself to people you know well, and then to people you don’t
Voice your true opinion to someone you know, and then to a stranger
Make a toast at a party
Stand up for something in a way that shows you aren’t afraid of the negative opinions of others
Follow your values, and get involved

Take a Chance on Others

Again, social anxiety can make you feel trapped in your own head (are you seeing a pattern here?), so find some creative ways to get out of that space! Take the focus off of yourself for a little while by focusing on others and reaching out: try brightening a friend’s day by sending them a card in the mail, invite friends over and make them feel at home, initiate a conversation with someone, introduce yourself to someone, or introduce a friend to someone else.

Get Physical

Exercise is great for boosting endorphins, but don’t just go out for a solitary run: challenge yourself! Try a dance or yoga class, or another group fitness activity that will both challenge your body and challenge your image of yourself as someone who doesn’t join in.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Speak to yourself kindly. Speak to yourself the way you would to a friend who was struggling with their self-esteem. Build yourself up, and you’ll train yourself to be more compassionate with yourself.

Find Strategies That Work For You

illustration of a pen and paper — *You can make a list of questions you need to ask of someone in a position of authority to help get the conversation going.*

Having some practical, everyday strategies in your toolbelt is a great idea if you’re struggling with social anxiety. For example:

At work, try arriving to meetings early, so you can greet people individually, instead of being thrust into a room full of colleagues. Determine if this strategy helps you socially, as well.
Make a list of questions you need to ask of someone in a position of authority, so you can start with the least anxiety-inducing ones first, and progress from there as the conversation gets rolling.
Avoid alcohol as a crutch for getting over your inhibitions.
Commit to meeting new people or having spontaneous social interactions by greeting people, giving compliments, or starting brief conversations.
Get regular exercise and eat healthy foods to keep you fighting fit in body and mind!

The Don’ts of Dealing with Social Anxiety

While you should definitely be approaching dealing with your social anxiety in a positive way, and we don’t really want to focus on what you shouldn’t be doing in your life (after all, social anxiety is not something you chose and it’s not your fault!), there are some ways of approaching it that can be less than helpful. For example:

Remember what we said above? Practice makes progress. There is no such thing as perfection, so don’t worry about being perfect. On the other end of the spectrum, remember also that the worst-case scenario is rarely what’s going on!
Social anxiety is something that you can work on, but don’t become obsessed with it as a character flaw that needs to be stamped out – you’ll only end up being more focused on it, and retreating into yourself more.

Remember, your social anxiety does not define you, and it’s not just a personality trait like shyness or introvertedness: you can work towards overcoming it! Speak to a trusted professional, and then try some strategies to help you relax, challenge the negativity that’s plaguing you, and even face your fears. After all, you deserve to live the fullest, most fulfilling life possible!

Is Revenge Bedtime Procrastination Sabotaging Your Sleep?

What time did you go to bed last night? Wow, that’s late! And what were you doing up so late? If you’re like a lot of people, you might struggle to answer that question, or your answer might be, “not much,” or at least not anything you needed to be doing at 2 am. Maybe you were scrolling through social media, reading, binge watching your favorite show, or any number of things that are more enjoyable than the work, chores, and childcare you were engaged in all day.

Now, don’t get us wrong, we’re all for “me time,” but if it comes at the expense of your much-needed sleep, it can actually start to seriously affect your mental and physical health.

So if you know it’s not good for you, and that you should be all tucked into bed at a reasonable hour instead of firing up the online shopping apps at 1 am, the question becomes not what were you doing last night, but why were you doing it? You might be engaging in what’s become known as “revenge bedtime procrastination,” and you’re not alone.

Revenge Is a Dish Best Served…Sleepy?

young man sitting in the dark staring at his phone — *Many adults engage in bedtime procrastination as a form of “me time” after a long day of work and responsibilities.*

So what can revenge and sleep possibly have to do with each other? Who or what are you taking revenge on with your bedtime? Well, ultimately, you’re only hurting yourself, but the term itself refers to taking “revenge” on the hectic daytime schedule that keeps you from doing the things you’d rather be doing.

The “procrastination” part of the phrase is nothing new to those who study sleep (“bedtime procrastination” first came up in a journal article in 2014), but the addition of the “revenge” concept is. This idea reportedly comes from China, where some workers’ notorious “996” schedule of working from 9 am – 9 pm, 6 days a week prompted people on social media to begin using the Chinese expression, “bàofùxìng áoyè,” which roughly translates to “retaliatory staying up late,” or, as we have begun to call it, revenge sleep procrastination. Journalist Daphne K. Lee popularized the term, when she described it on Twitter as when “people who don’t have much control over their daytime life refuse to sleep early in order to regain some sense of freedom during late-night hours.”

In other words, as Lee Chambers, M.Sc. M.B.Ps.S., an environmental psychologist and well-being consultant, puts it: “One of the significant causes of revenge sleep procrastination is where our current working culture intersects with our personal and leisure time expectations in our p.m. bookend. The desire to gain a level of personal freedom drives a desire to stay awake beyond a time that will provide an optimal level of sleep.”

So what’s causing people to engage in this behavior is not just simple lack of time during the day (I mean, we would all need at least 27 hours a day to get everything done, right?), it’s also the stress of not having a moment to ourselves, and the difficulty of finding time to detach from our work or parenting. For example, if you’re coming home from work at 8, eating, showering, and then getting ready to start the cycle all over again, or if you’re looking after another human all day, and are almost never “off duty” until late into the evening, you’re not getting any time to do anything for you – or any mental space. As Ciara Kelly, a lecturer in work psychology at Sheffield University’s Management School, explains, we all need time to mentally distance ourselves from our days: “People are stuck in a Catch-22. When they don’t have time to detach from their work before they go to sleep, it is likely to negatively affect their sleep.”

When Is It Revenge Sleep Procrastination?

Just staying up late sometimes doesn’t necessarily mean you’re engaging in revenge sleep procrastination. While this is a very new field of study, researchers who are looking at it suggest that the following three criteria need to be met for it to be more than just a few late nights:

The delay in going to sleep means you’re sleeping less overall (in other words, you’re going to bed much later, but still need to get up at the same time in the morning)
There is no “valid” reason for going to bed so late, like an illness or an external event
You know that delaying your bedtime will lead to negative consequences, but you do it anyway

The thing is, research suggests that those who engage in this behavior actually want to get more sleep, they are just failing to do so, otherwise known as an intention-behavior gap; they also know that it’s bad for them, but they can’t help it. So who’s doing it? And are you at risk, or already engaging in this behavior?

Who Is Most Likely to Do It?

Anyone can pick up this habit, but the small amount of research that’s been done on revenge bedtime procrastination does give us some insight into who’s most likely to do it. For example:

Research suggests that women and students are most likely to engage in revenge bedtime procrastination; in fact, a Polish study indicates that “the chance of severe bedtime procrastination is more than twice as high for females than for males.” This might be because other studies have shown that women experience more stress than men, but if you’re a busy mom with a mountain of extra unpaid labor on your plate, you probably have a very good idea of why women are more likely to try to reclaim time for themselves late at night, no matter how unhealthy it might be!
A study from the Netherlands found that the more a person had to “resist desires” during the rest of their day, the more likely they were to be a bedtime procrastinator.
Millennials and Gen-Zers, especially those with high-pressure jobs, or big ambitions, are also very likely to put off sleep.
People who tend to procrastinate in general may be more likely to engage in revenge bedtime procrastination.
Those who identify as “night owls,” or evening chronotypes, might have difficulty shutting themselves off at a reasonable hour, even if they have to get up early in the morning.

The Effects of Sleep Deprivation

While it can be hard to give up that feeling of control over your time and freedom that sleep procrastination gives you, it’s important to recognize how bad it actually is for you. Lack of sleep night after night will lead to sleep deprivation, which in the short-term can cause issues like:

Decreased attention span
Impaired memory
Faulty decision making
Increased risk while driving
Stress, anxiety, and irritability
Weight gain

In the longer-term, sleep deprivation can raise your chances of some pretty serious health problems, like:

High blood pressure
Heart disease
Obesity
Diabetes
Weakened immune system
Hormonal issues
Chronic pain
Mental health issues like depression and anxiety

All of the above should hopefully convince you to hit the hay at a more reasonable hour; if you’re feeling skeptical that you’ll be able to change your ways, there are some strategies you can try to get you started on a healthier path.

What You Can Do

First of all, if you’re feeling sleep deprived, don’t stress about it – as we’ve seen, stress is one of the number one enemies of sleep! According to therapist Karl Rollinson, “the number one thing is to accept it and not fight it. Acknowledge that it won’t last forever and try not to stress about it. Like any problem in life, it needs to be managed. This means factoring in more time to complete tasks, appointments, and engagements.”

So what can you do? In the short-term, if you’ve had a late night and are feeling rough around the edges, get your body moving throughout the day – taking a walk in the fresh air can work wonders. In the longer-term, though, you’ll have to work on finding ways to carve out mental space for yourself, so try strategies like these to handle daily responsibilities without losing yourself in the process:

Pencil in down time – It might sound silly to schedule in rest, but think of self-care like any other important appointment, and put it on your calendar so it actually gets done!

Start small – If you’re worried about falling behind on your daily tasks, give yourself small 10-15 minute chunks throughout the day to decompress, which will make you more productive in the long run.

Include things that are important to you – When you take breaks, use them to do things that really feel good to you, or lift you up, like contacting a loved one or getting out in nature.

Write it out – If you’re having trouble settling to go to sleep, try journaling: A study from 2017 found that jotting down the thoughts, feelings, and experiences that stood out throughout the day can effectively reduce both mental and physical symptoms of anxiety. As Karl Rollinson suggests, “If you still can’t get to sleep because of an active mind, then get up and write down all your worries and anxieties. I call this downloading. You are effectively giving your thoughts physical form and organizing them — tidying up the mess in the attic, so to speak.”

Speak to a mental health professional

And don’t forget, while you’re practicing some self-care, to also practice good sleep hygiene:

Remove all screens from the bedroom, and stop screen time at least an hour before bed
Keep the place where you sleep cool and airy
Stick to a regular bedtime and wake-up time
Avoid caffeinated beverages after the morning
Skip big late-night meals
Have a relaxing bedtime routine, including a warm bath or shower

Ultimately, we all need some distance from our daily responsibilities and space to mentally detach, as well as to have time to do things that are meaningful to us- but the best time to fit that in is not after midnight! If you are engaging in revenge bedtime procrastination, and you’re not getting the sleep you need, you’ll only end up in a vicious cycle of exhaustion, stress, and lack of productivity. So set boundaries with work and daily responsibilities, carve out meaningful time for yourself – and get yourself to bed!

Can “Age-Gap” Relationships Work?

It’s one of those age-old questions: does age really matter? Well, maybe for some things, like voting, driving, drinking, life insurance, senior discounts, enrolling in Medicare…but when it comes to the truly important things in life, like relationships, is age just a number? Are “age-gap,” or “May-December,” romances doomed to fail, or does love conquer all in the end, even the date on your birth certificate?

Why Do We Make Such a Big Deal About Age Gaps?

There are differences between partners in all relationships, right? No two people are exactly alike, and each partner might bring a different religion, political viewpoint, cultural background, or sense of humor into a relationship – and it’s not often that we sneer at, mock, or say we’re “grossed out” by those differences. So why does seeing a couple with an age gap elicit such responses from people?

young man hugging an older woman while holding a red heart balloon — *About 1.3% of couples are in a relationship in which the woman is much older than the man.*

Well, there might be a few reasons. First of all, how do we actually define an age-gap relationship? According to most experts, this type of relationship is usually characterized by a difference in age of at least 10 years, and according to most statistics, the most common age gap between heterosexual partners in the Western world is only about 3 years. So, the first issue for most people is the fact that these relationships seem unusual; in fact, while there is little data on age differences in relationships, the most recent and relevant data suggests that around 8.5% of the American population are in relationships where the age difference is 5-15 years – and only 1.3% of couples are in a relationship in which the woman is much older than the man.

So these relationships might be seen as outside of the norm in some ways; not only that, but there are some that suggest it might even feel biologically wrong to us on some deeper level. While the most likely reason that we end up with people who are a similar age to us is that we tend to meet them at certain stages of our lives (like in college, at an entry-level job, or even in a retirement community), some experts believe that there is a little dash of evolutionary psychology thrown into our choice for a just slightly older man or younger woman.

Their point is that, in heterosexual relationships, a slightly older man can be seen as still young enough to bring home the bacon, but old enough to be financially stable; a younger woman, on the other hand, can be seen as a good choice to produce healthy babies. All of this should be taken with a grain of salt, though – hopefully we’ve moved beyond looking at relationships as simple biological urges!

Finally, there are just certain ideas that seem to have been drilled into us about relationships between people who are very different ages, including the fact that they somehow must include some sort of power imbalance between the two partners. For some reason, it can be hard for people to imagine an age-gap relationship existing without a conditional reason, like money, sex or lifestyle. The older partner can be seen as holding financial power over the younger one (especially if they are a man), and the younger can even be seen as holding some sort of “I can find a new younger partner if I want” power over the older. Not only that, but some people assume that the younger person is “giving something up” (such as the possibility of having children) to be with the older person, who, again, might have more money – and power.

All of this brings us to the possible issues with May-December relationships, which tend to actually come from the outside rather than from within the partnership.

The Potential Pitfalls

No relationship is perfect, even those with the supposed “ideal” three-year age gap, but there can be issues that are pretty specific to age-gap relationships. It’s true that there can be issues of power imbalances in age-gap relationships, and if you’re in one of them, the most important thing to look out for is “contempt,” according to Silva Neves, an accredited psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist: “The older person may say things like, ‘I know better than you,’ to coerce the younger one to always do what they want. And the younger one may say things like, ‘I’m sexier than you,’ to humiliate the older one. Of course, this type of language can be used for a bit of innocent humor that is shared by the two people. But when it is done to be contemptuous and on a regular basis, it can be toxic.”

However, it’s more likely that these ideas about power imbalances are all just assumptions about what’s going on in an age-gap relationship. But that’s not saying there can’t be other possible problems with these relationships: according to Rachel Sussman, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York, “You can see varied cultural references, disapproval from family and friends, and perhaps community disapproval, as well. It might be hard to relate to each other’s peer groups, too.”

The biggest problems among the above issues, though, seem to be the ones coming from outside sources, like family, friends, and the wider community. For example, think about the way we talk about people involved in age-gap relationships: a man with a much younger woman is “creepy” or looking for a “trophy wife”; a woman with a much older man is a “gold digger” and uninterested in the relationship; an older woman with a much younger man is a “cougar.” These outside criticism and judgements, especially if they come from part of your support network, can be devastating and put a strain on any relationship.

All of this means that if you’re in an age-gap relationship, it’s important to stay emotionally connected, and invested in and committed to the relationship, so you can rise above any unhelpful outside opinions.

Better with Age (Difference)?

With all of the above being said, when it comes to human relationships, age can be totally subjective, and dating someone who’s a lot older or younger than you might be the right fit for you! After all, it’s all about humans being humans, and there’s nothing more human than feeling a loving bond with someone else, no matter who they are or how old they are.

And you know what? There can be advantages to age-gap relationships; for example:

A younger partner can give you a renewed sense of energy and vitality.
The older you are, the more likely you are to know what you want out of life, which can mean wasting less of your time and your partner’s time with a relationship that isn’t going anywhere.
An older partner is also more likely to know what they want in bed! (And a younger partner can bring the stamina to help make that happen…)
The relationship might actually be more balanced: an older partner is less likely to make their happiness dependent on their partner, so neither partner feels pressured to give up their own life and interests.
With age comes more experience and maturity (usually!), so an older partner might be better able to deal with problems that come up in the relationship.
Having different outlooks on life can bring a freshness to a relationship, and give you endless things to talk about.
The older partner might be more financially stable in the beginning, but the younger one might stay healthier longer, and be able to provide support in other ways as you both age.

How Do You Know If It Can Work for You?

When it comes to relationships with a large difference in age, it might be right for you and it might not – it’s all about you and your partner as individuals. But if there were one magical secret to having a long-lasting age-gap relationship, it would be communication! To make things work, especially in the face of possible disapproval, you need to have an open, honest, loving, and communicative relationship – and you need to think seriously about the following questions:

Is this going to be a long-term thing? – If the relationship is casual and more focused on the short-term, then the fun of it will most likely outweigh any of the issues you’d have to navigate to make it work long-term. So if you’re both on board with a less committed “fling,” go for it!

Do you share the same goals? – If things are looking more serious, though, you’ll need to talk about what your long-term goals look like. For example, is one of you ready to retire and travel the world, while the other one still has a whole list of career goals to accomplish? Or even more simply, do you both agree on how you want to spend your weekends? If there’s conflict between you in terms of what you want out of life, there might be trouble ahead.

Do either of you want children (or does one of you already have them)? – This is where biology does actually come into play, and age can be more than just a meaningless number. If you are headed into a long-term relationship, you need to be open about whether either of you wants kids (or wants to be a parent to an older partner’s children from a previous relationship), and what bringing children into your relationship would look like: can you still have children? Do you want to adopt or foster? And are you willing to parent young children at an older age?

Do you have the support of your social network? – Again, one of the biggest wedges that drives people apart in age-gap relationships is the disapproval of friends and family – studies have even shown that our social support network’s disapproval can actually make us feel less invested in our relationships. If you’re with a much older or younger partner, you’ll need to find ways to deal with outside opinions, and you’ll also need to make sure that you can successfully bring together your groups of friends, so neither of you feels like you’re sacrificing your friendships.

Are you willing to work on your sexual relationship? – As much as we all want our love life to be effortlessly hot and steamy, it just doesn’t work that way, unfortunately. Issues of mismatched libido or erectile dysfunction might come up, so be ready to get awkward if need be, as well as be willing to explore, adapt, and find ways to relate to each other sexually as time goes by.

When it comes down to it, only you know what’s right for you, not nosy outsiders. If you find the person who is right for you, if you are in a loving, respectful relationship, and if you share interests and life goals, you can have a strong, satisfying relationship no matter what the calendar says! Love is love – isn’t that all that matters?

The Gender Wage Gap Is Real and It Doesn’t Seem to Be Going Anywhere

Did you know that September 18th is International Equal Pay Day? And maybe you missed Women’s Equality Day on August 26th, or National Equal Pay Day, which this year was on March 24th, held symbolically on that date to represent the number of extra days, on average, women have to work to catch up to what men were paid the year before. So why do we need all these days – and more importantly, why should more of us sit up and pay attention to them?

Well, women make up more than half of the population of the U.S. (51.1% at last count), roughly 47% of the American workforce, and earn well over half of all types of degrees in the U.S. – but what don’t women earn? The same amount of money that men earn, often for doing the same jobs: according to many studies, women in the U.S. earn approximately $0.82 for every dollar earned by men, and that gap can be even greater for women of color: it’s important to point out that African American women had to work until August 23rd, and Latina women will have to work until October 21st of this year to make the same as men made in 2020. Not only that, but at the current rate of progress, this gender wage gap won’t close until 2059, or even 2093 by some estimates – so what does this mean for women, and is there anything that can be done to speed things up?

What Is the Gender Wage Gap?

The gender wage gap, or gender pay gap, is one of those things in life that we know is there, but can be hard to put our fingers on. After all, how many of us are inspecting our colleagues’ paychecks, or how do we know how much another person would be earning if they had our job? Not only that, but there are laws against gender-based pay discrimination, such as the Equal Pay Act of 1963 and Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, and we’ve got to trust that employers are doing the right thing, right?

Well, unfortunately, whether it’s intentionally done or not, the truth is that, according to a 2021 report from Payscale, women earn on average 82 cents for every dollar men earn, meaning there’s an 18% gap in pay between the two. But is that literally the case for every woman’s paycheck? Well, no: not only is that number an average, that 18% is described by some as the “raw gender pay gap”: some people believe that, when accounting for other factors besides gender, such as education, experience, location, and industry, the gender wage gap is really closer to 2%.

This adjusted number is known as the “adjusted” or “controlled gender pay gap,” and there are a few things you should know about it:

Using an adjusted gender pay gap might make it seem like gender-based pay discrimination is a smaller problem than it is, but that’s because it really narrows things down to people doing the same job and getting different pay. Looking at it this way misses all the differences in opportunity between men and women that can be a problem for women even before they get to the bargaining table.
Even if you do just look at the adjusted gender pay gap, making 2% less is still problematic. For one thing, making 2% less for a few years may not seem like that much money, but over the course of decades, it can amount to a significant difference in earnings. Not only that, but if you go into a new job with a history of earning less money, you are more likely to be offered less money, and the cycle will continue.
We don’t seem to be making any headway when it comes to the adjusted wage gap, which makes it even more of an issue. This 2% is equivalent to making 98 cents on the dollar, and in 2015, the controlled wage gap was 97 cents on the dollar – that’s just 1 cent improvement in more than five years.

However you look at the gender wage gap, it’s real, and it represents, on average, $406,280 in lost income for white women, and that number can top $1 million for Hispanic women and is just shy of $1 million for Black and Native American women. Some studies even put the average at more than $530,000 to nearly $800,000 lost to the most fortunate women! It’s a problem that doesn’t seem to be going away, and is one that has many complicated reasons behind it.

Sticky Floors and Glass Ceilings

In the words of U.S. soccer star Megan Rapinoe at a Congressional hearing on March 24, 2020, “One cannot simply outperform inequality. Or be excellent enough to escape discrimination.” For women, the hurdles to making equal pay are high, and have been in place for decades, making them hard to move. There are multiple reasons behind the gender wage gap, and it can be hard to pinpoint them all, but some experts break them down into two categories: “glass ceilings” and “sticky floors.”

You’ve probably heard the term “glass ceiling” at some point: it refers to obstacles that stand in the way of women’s advancement, and is usually a problem for women who already have fairly good jobs and who might be stuck in middle management positions. On the other hand, the term “sticky floors” is used to describe a discriminatory employment pattern that keeps women at the bottom of the job scale. The many complicated reasons behind women’s inequality in the workplace, whether they’re considered a “glass ceiling” problem or a “sticky floors” problem, include:

The fields in which women dominate tend to pay less than fields dominated by men, no matter the level of education or skill required. And guess what? When men start to get into these professions, the pay goes up for them, but the same is not true when women get into male-dominated fields.
Women face conscious and unconscious bias; according to the Pew Research Center, 42% of women say they have experienced gender-based discrimination at work. These biases can include the old standards, like women are less efficient, or don’t have the stomach for business, but can also include more subtle biases, like assuming women are going to take parental leave or get pregnant and quit. Stereotypes about women can also make it harder for them to get heard in salary negotiations.
The “sticky floor” is a thing because, well, it’s a thing: women are more likely to have to take lower paying jobs; in fact, two-thirds of low-wage jobs in the United States go to women.
Women tend to have less time and energy to focus on work because – get this – many are doing as much as 30% more unpaid work than men, like household chores and raising children. We know, there is literally not one woman out there who is shocked by that statistic.
The “motherhood penalty” is real: women are more likely to take time off after a birth, and moms are less likely to be hired, they receive lower salaries when they are, and they are less likely to be promoted, despite the fact that studies show mothers make very productive employees (again, is anyone shocked?)

All of these factors add up to real-world problems for women in the workplace, and, because they’re so difficult to address and change in substantive ways, things don’t seem to be moving forward in any real way.

Is Anything Changing?

not equal sign in blue — *The gender gap in pay has remained relatively stable in the United States over the past 15 years, and won’t be getting better anytime soon.*

Unfortunately, when it comes to the gender pay gap, there’s even more bad news: according to the U.S. Department of Labor, the pandemic has set women’s labor force participation back more than 30 years. And even if it looks like the gender wage gap has decreased recently – for example, the Institute for Women’s Policy Research found that the weekly gender wage gap for full-time workers shrunk to 17.7% from 18.5% – that’s only because so many low-wage women workers lost their jobs during the pandemic, thus raising women’s average pay relative to men’s.

Bigger picture, the Pew Research Center announced earlier this year that according to its research, “The gender gap in pay has remained relatively stable in the United States over the past 15 years or so.” And it probably won’t get much better anytime soon, since the effects of the pandemic on the economy might mean that many women will have to take lower paying jobs. Not only that, but many will have missed out on valuable work experience and will have gaps in their employment history, both of which will make negotiating for higher pay even more difficult in the future.

What Can Be Done?

Again, we can’t just expect that women can outperform discrimination, as Megan Rapinoe said. This is not a women’s problem, it’s a societal problem, and there is no one quick or easy solution. There are, however, a few policies that workplaces and the government could look at to help:

Ban secrecy surrounding pay, and work to change the culture that treats salary as sacred and rude to ask about. After all, how can you know that you are being paid unfairly if you don’t know how much others make?
Prohibit employers from using pay history to determine how much a new employee should make.
Make sure businesses regularly do internal reviews of compensation data to ensure there is no gender wage gap at their company.
Either eliminate salary negotiations, or institute a policy of using “salary bands” to give a range of pay for each position, in order to level the playing field between men and women in salary negotiations.
Guarantee workers paid time off for parental and sick leave.

Ok, so maybe the news about the gender wage gap isn’t great. But now we know, and knowing is half the battle – so now we all need to get behind women and decide that this is just not acceptable – and maybe, in the next few years, we’ll be able to push that date back from March 24th to something closer to January 1st.

Want to Join the Century Club? 10 Tips for Getting to 100

Does anyone remember those feel-good segments they used to do on morning news shows, highlighting smiling seniors who were celebrating their 100th birthdays? Those special people were among the few to join the century club, and everyone always eagerly asked them how they did it; the answers could be anything from the simple (eating healthy and having good friends!) to the slightly, well, unusual (a shot of gin every day), but they all seemed to have their own ideas of how they managed to make it to a healthy 100.

different colored balloons with 100 on them — *With a few tips, you can become one of “the few” who reach 100 years old.*

And, you know, we say “the few” to reach 100, but more and more people are reaching that milestone these days; in fact, according to the CDC, the number of Americans 100 years old or older increased by nearly 41% between 2000 and 2014! So reaching 100 is an attainable goal, within certain constraints – your genes do play a part in your life expectancy, but maybe less than you might think.

According to Dan Beuttner, author of the book The Blue Zones, which looks at five places around the world with the highest populations of people who live to 100, “For the average American, about 20% of life expectancy is genes, and the other 80% is lifestyle.” Beuttner points out that “Healthy habits can help eliminate the diseases that tend to shorten your life – such as cancer, diabetes and heart disease.” So, while there is no magic potion – or even one lifestyle change that will work for everyone and keep every disease at bay – there are some things you can do to keep yourself as healthy as possible, and moving towards a healthy and happy 100th birthday!

1. Get Off Your You-Know-What

You know what’s one thing we haven’t put on this list? Smoking! Too obvious, right? Well, health experts are now saying that “sitting is the new smoking,” meaning that doing too much of it can be as bad as lighting up a cigarette. In fact, one study found that those who spent more than six hours a day sitting had a 19% higher mortality rate than those who spent less than three hours of their leisure time on the couch.

Sounds like it’s time to ditch that couch potato lifestyle! Simply getting up and walking around once every 30 minutes is a good start, but you’ll definitely need to get more active to see the most benefits. According to research published in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society, women aged 65-99 who averaged just 30 minutes of light physical activity (dusting, washing dishes) each day reduced their risk of dying by 12% and those who got an hour of moderate activity (brisk walking, taking the stairs) lowered their mortality risk by 39%.

And if you want to kick things up another notch, consider adding in some more intense activities: for example, adults who reported frequently playing tennis lived 9.7 years longer than people who were sedentary. Not only that, but according to several large studies, while walking is a great way to increase your longevity, runners live an average of 3 years longer than non-runners, and for every hour you run, you add around 7 hours to your life! Wow! Now where did we put those running shoes…

2. Watch Your Waistline

Maybe it’s not a surprise to you, but being overweight or obese has been linked to an increased mortality risk, mostly because not maintaining a healthy weight can lead to some of the major diseases that could cut your life short, like cancer, diabetes, and heart disease. And the advice to combat this issue probably won’t surprise you all that much, either: eat right, and get plenty of exercise. But maybe you haven’t heard these stats: according to one study, individuals who had at least five home-cooked meals per week were 28% less likely to be overweight, and 24% less likely to have excess body fat than individuals who ate less than three home-cooked meals per week. So maybe it’s time to take up cooking!

3. Pay Attention to Your Proteins and Fats

It’s no secret that red meat isn’t great for you: in fact, eating it can increase the likelihood of dying from cancer, heart disease, respiratory disease, stroke, diabetes, infections, kidney disease, and liver disease. Simply reducing the amount of red meat you eat, or even swapping out red meat for chicken is a great start, but your best bet is to add other protein sources into your diet. Try:

Pulses, like beans, chickpeas, peas, and lentils. Studies suggest just one serving a day can lower your bad cholesterol.
Fish, which will also give you a boost of anti-inflammatory omega-3 fatty acids.
Nuts– In a study of nearly 120,000 adults, those who ate nuts every day were 20% less likely to have died during the 30-year follow up than those who reported eating no nuts.

Sure, nuts are high in fat, but it’s actually the healthy, unsaturated kind. And while we’re on the subject, while you’re swapping out unhealthy protein sources, don’t forget to also swap out unhealthy fats: a recent study found that for every 2% increase in trans fat in your diet, your risk of premature death jumps by 16%, and just a 5% increase in saturated fat boosts your risk of early death by 8%.

older man picking up trash along the beach while holding a black garbage bag — *Find you purpose in life, such as using your spare time to volunteer.*

4. Find Your Purpose

Some people’s whole goal in life is taking early retirement, but you know what? It’s not right for everyone – if you love your work, there can be health benefits to continuing on with something that gives you a purpose in life. But if that’s not how you feel about your job, think about how you can bring purpose to your life after retirement, whether that’s volunteering or getting involved in other ways. Think about this: according to a 2016 review of 10 studies, a sense of purpose in life can be linked to an 83% reduction in death from all causes and a significantly lower risk of cardiovascular events such as stroke or heart attack – so find what you love and get out there!

5. Keep on Top of Your Health

If you want to live to 100, you need to make friends with your doctor! Ok, we don’t mean it’s time to take them out to dinner; you need to stay on top of your health, and that means not skipping your annual physical, and making sure to talk to your doctor about referrals for screenings for the common cancers that shorten many people’s lives. So get that colonoscopy, mammogram, prostate check, or pap smear, and talk to a dermatologist about melanoma risks.

6. Be Wholly Nutritious

One way to live a longer, healthier life is to swap out simple carbs for whole grain or unprocessed options; for example, consider this amazing stat: swapping a little more than two servings of your normal white rice to brown rice will lower your risk of developing type 2 diabetes by 16%, and the added fiber in the brown rice will also help to lower your bad cholesterol levels. Not only that, but in one study, people who ate whole grains had a 20% lower risk of death than those who ate little or no whole grains!

7. Breathe Out the Negative, Breathe in the Positive!

Stress can be toxic, but, hey, it’s a part of almost all of our lives, right? There’s no magic wand you can wave to get rid of it, but it is important to manage it, as well as to bring more positivity into your life. Keep stress under control by meditating, practicing yoga, or even just engaging in simple breathing activities; consider pushing out negativity and adding in positivity by starting a gratitude journal – according to one study, people who are more grateful feel healthier and report fewer aches and pains.

Not only that, but your outlook on life matters, so try to ditch the pessimism: A recent study out of Harvard University found that people who scored highest on measures of optimism had a 16% lower risk of death from cancer, a 38% lower risk of death from heart disease and respiratory disease, and a 39% lower risk of dying from stroke. Well, looks like it all comes back to finding your happiness, and that might include the following tip…

8. Stay Connected

There’s not really too much need to push the benefits of having friends and other close connections in your life, is there – the joy you get from friendships, sexual relationships, and even having a pet kind of speaks for itself, right? But just in case, consider this: having strong social connections (in other words, you actually spend meaningful time connecting with friends and other loved ones) has been shown to reduce your risk of early death by 50%!

As for sex, staying connected to someone in that way can also help you live longer: one study has linked having sex at least once a week to having longer telomeres (the protective caps on your DNA strands), which generally equals longer life. And pets? Even connecting with our furry friends can keep us alive: studies show that both dog and cat owners are less likely to have heart attacks, or die of heart disease or stroke.

One final thing to consider: on the flip side of all of this, some health experts believe that loneliness can be as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So reach out and touch someone!

older man in a park practicing tai chi — *Stay balanced by trying some tai chi, which has many benefits.*

9. Keep Your Focus

Eye problems can be a nuisance, but not taking care of them can actually shorten your life! In a study published in JAMA Ophthalmology, women who had cataract surgery were less likely to die of any cause than women who did not have their vision corrected. Keep your independence, and your health, and take care of those peepers!

10. Stay Balanced

Did you know that elderly women who fall and break a hip are five times more likely to die within a year than women of the same age who don’t break a hip? That’s an extremely worrying statistic, so take it to heart and prevent falls before they start happening! One way to do this? Maintain your balance by practicing tai chi, and keep yourself out of the hospital and enjoying a long life.

Age is just a number, but most of us want to see that number steadily rising, right? And not only that, but even as the years go by, we want to continue to feel vital, healthy, and happy – so try the simple tips above and see how far you can go!

Getting High on Life: How to Increase Your Endorphins

Even if you’ve never laced up a pair of running shoes, you’ve probably heard the term “runner’s high,” a phrase that describes the feeling of euphoria some people experience while doing intense exercise. If you’re exercise-adverse, you might be a little skeptical that pounding the pavement can actually make you feel good, but trust us, it’s a scientifically proven thing: that joyful, relaxed feeling is caused by a rush of chemicals in your brain called endorphins. But don’t worry, you can get a boost of these feel-good chemicals from doing (and even eating!) other things, so no running is actually required! But is there a benefit to them past the brief, enjoyable sensation you get from them? How can you increase your endorphin levels? And can you get too much of a good thing?

The Natural Pain Reliever

white pills in a packet — *Endorphins are considered the body’s natural pain reliever.*

So, what are endorphins, exactly? Well, the term itself comes from two words: endogenous (which means coming from the body) and morphine (the opiate pain reliever), so the name is actually a pretty good description of what endorphins do. They are your body’s own natural pain reliever, produced by your pituitary gland and central nervous system, and released to act on your opiate receptors in different situations.

The situations in which they are released include pleasurable activities, but also situations in which you’re stressed or in pain; they increase feelings of pleasure and well-being, as well as reduce pain and discomfort. Endorphins, like dopamine, light up our pleasure centers, but while dopamine is more of a “reward” chemical, endorphins move us away from pain and toward pleasurable feelings to keep us going.

The Power of Endorphins

Endorphins have benefits beyond the brief moment of pleasure they give you; they help keep the joy in your life, and help you deal with any stress that is thrown your way. Some of the many positive side effects of these wonder chemicals include:

Reduced depression

Reduced anxiety

Pain relief

Improved self-esteem

Regulation of appetite

Better immune response

It stands to reason that if having a healthy endorphin level is beneficial, then not having enough of them can be detrimental; it’s true that if you have low levels of endorphins, you could end up experiencing:

An increase in symptoms of depression

Increased anxiety

More aches and pains

Mood swings

Problems with addiction

Sleep issues

Impulsivity

So these chemicals aren’t just something that avid runners are chasing, they’re something that we all need to be our happiest, most balanced selves – so how do we go about giving ourselves a healthy boost of endorphins?

Want Some More?

While you can actually get a great rush of endorphins from stressful and painful situations (think spraining your ankle while out jogging in the woods and having the ability to limp to safety despite the pain, or even of the stories you hear of people being able to lift heavy objects like a car after a traffic accident to save someone), you would probably prefer not to have to go through something like that to get the benefits of endorphins. And you don’t have to! You don’t even need to run a marathon or do anything crazy – you can also do other things like:

Eat dark chocolate – Just one small piece will do the trick!

Have sex – Get in some exercise AND bond with someone – the perfect endorphin-releasing combo.

Exercise – The more intense the exercise, the more endorphins you will release, but even exercising moderately for, say, 45 minutes, 3 times a week is beneficial.

Create or listen to music

Make some art

Dance

Have a good laugh

Eat spicy food

Get a massage

Sit in a sauna

Use aromatherapy – Try adding some essential oils to your cleaning products, or using a diffuser in your house. Vanilla seems to work particularly well!

Meditate

Watch a drama on TV – Laughter works, but so does getting sucked into a serious storyline.

Do some volunteer work

Spend time with friends – Avoid socially isolating yourself, as this can be a real drag on endorphin levels, and lead to a vicious cycle.

These are all excellent ways to release endorphins, but in case you’re wondering what the best ways are, according to Dr. Damian Jacob Sendler, chief of sexology and clinical research at the Felnett Health Research Foundation in New York, “Research shows that sexual activity and playing competitive sports produces the highest level of endorphins in our body. You could think of it as a form of defense mechanism — when we anticipate strenuous exercise, or really want to excel at an activity, the body releases endorphins to help us accomplish this goal.” So, you might want to snuggle up, put on that TV drama, and see what happens…

Too Much of a Good Thing

All of the above sounds great: pain relief and boosts of pleasure – and you can get it all by eating chocolate, having sex, or binge watching a great drama? Yes, please! But is there a dark side to endorphins? Well, unfortunately, like all good things, yes – you can actually get too much of them and, in fairly rare cases, become addicted to them. Again according to Dr. Sendler, “On a basic chemical level, endorphins have very similar properties to opiates that we use to treat pain. This is, in fact, one of the reasons why there is an opioid epidemic going on – we get easily ‘hooked’ on their analgesic effect. The same happens with endorphins and their particular ability to influence our sensation of pleasure.”

While there is no risk that you’ll need more and more of them to get the same reaction, like with opioid drugs, you could seek out the feeling endorphins give you in unhealthy ways, like:

Self-harm – Self-harm refers to hurting yourself to relieve emotional pain or distress; as we’ve seen, the body’s natural response to pain is to release endorphins, so some psychologists believe that the endorphin rush can become an addiction, leading to a cycle of self-harming because of the need to feel that emotional release. At any rate, the release of endorphins most likely means that those who self-harm do not experience a lot of pain when harming themselves, and some even say that they feel a “rush” or “high” from the act.

Exercise addiction – Some people can actually become addicted to exercise, and, although there are probably many complicated reasons behind this addiction, endorphins can certainly play a part – in fact, some people can end up exercising for hours a day, just to feel the effects of endorphins, which is more harmful than helpful for their bodies.

But, interestingly, there is a way to avoid endorphin addiction – according to Dr. Sendler, it’s roller coasters. Roller coasters? Yep. “This is actually the safest way of quenching our thirst for endorphins,” says Sendler. “While riding a roller coaster, our body experiences excitement and fear, prompting release not only of endorphins but also adrenaline. [Riding them] creates a cycle of fear, excitement, euphoria, all in a controlled environment and happening within a span of just a few minutes. Therefore, for most people, a day spent at places like Six Flags is more than enough to give them so much rush of endorphins that they are calmed for an extended time.”

Sendler adds, whatever you do to boost your endorphins, “try to space it out so you can maintain a healthy addiction to your activities. When you begin to break down barriers of fear too fast, at some point, you might start engaging in activities that are truly unsafe and dangerous for health.” And remember, if you’re engaging in self-destructive behavior, it’s important to speak to a mental health professional.

Our bodies are truly amazing: we produce chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins to keep ourselves feeling healthy levels of joy and manageable levels of pain and stress. And the other amazing thing is, if we’re starting to feel low, stressed, or achy, we can actually do something about it: get out there and boost our endorphins! So grab some dark chocolate, do a happy dance, paint a picture, laugh with some friends, go for a run, or even get busy with that special someone, and you’ll be feeling like yourself again in no time!

Tag: healthy lifestyle