healthy lifestyle Archives - Page 17 of 54

Bullying Doesn’t Always Stop at the Playground: Dealing with Bullies as an Adult

There are some things you just want to be done with once you’re an adult, like braces, acne, homework, bedtimes (although you really should have those), and, without a doubt, bullying. But while the word “bully” might conjure up images of children or adolescents tormenting each other in the schoolyard, the truth is that there’s no age limit on being bullied, unfortunately. In fact, according to a 2017 survey by the American Osteopathic Association, adults are being bullied nearly as often as adolescents, with 31% of those surveyed admitting to experiencing “repeated, negative behavior intended to harm or intimidate.”

Maybe you’ve got a bully in your life: it could be a neighbor who’s always in your business, a controlling partner, an intimidating boss or colleague, a cliquey or rumor-spreading friend, a condescending family member, or even high-pressure salespeople or business owners. So what can you do? The first step is to recognize and name what is happening, then try using strategies to deal with the bullies that come into your life even in adulthood.

When Is It Bullying?

If you experienced or witnessed bullying as a kid, it was probably pretty obvious what was going on, but now that you’re an adult, you’re probably not being pushed into your locker or called names to your face. Being bullied as an adult can be more subtle, but it can also be pretty obvious, but we’re just reluctant to name it as such. So what does it look like?

Well, while bullies are often in a position of power over you, anyone can be a bully in your life – they’re usually trying to control you in some way or have some sort of power over you, and/or their behavior regularly makes you feel oppressed, belittled, humiliated, or de-energized. So, while bullying at work can definitely come from a boss who might belittle you, give you more work than others, guilt you for things like taking vacations, or constantly over-correct you, it could also come from colleagues in the form of:

Pettiness, rumor-spreading, insults, cliquiness, or even intimidating or threatening comments
Ignoring you, cutting you off when you’re trying to speak, intentionally cutting off necessary communication, or leaving you out when socializing
Disrespecting your time by always being late, putting everyone else’s requests ahead of yours, or purposefully not doing things when they say they will
Sabotaging your work, taking credit for your work, or making you a scapegoat for any problems that come up

If the bully is in your circle of family or friends, they might:

Engage in excessive criticism
Gaslight you, or try to manipulate you
Constantly play the victim and guilt-trip you
Try to control or “strong-arm” you
Threaten you with physical, financial, or emotional harm
Spread rumors or badmouth you
Shame you publicly
Initiate unwanted physical contact

When it comes down to it, you’ve just got to trust your instincts, and listen to that voice in your head saying that this relationship – no matter who it’s with – is toxic, and think about where it’s coming from and how you can deal with it.

Dealing with Bullying

hand with the word stop over it in red — *Bullies can damage you psychosocially and physically, but there are different ways you can deal with them so they leave you alone.*

So, there are a lot of types of bullies you could encounter as an adult, like verbal bullies, physical bullies, material bullies (or those who have some sort of tangible or formal power over you), passive-aggressive bullies, or even cyberbullies. Whatever their style of bullying is, it can be very damaging to you psychologically, as well as physically: experiencing bullying can cause headaches, poor concentration, muscle pain, sleep loss, anxiety, depression, frequent sick days, and decreased work productivity, and the stress of it can lead to more severe health problems, including high blood pressure and gastrointestinal issues. So what can you do?

The first thing you should remember is that the bullying is 100% not your fault, and it’s not happening to you because of anything you’ve done. In fact, while many bullies will pick on someone partly because they see that person as vulnerable, they might also do it because they feel threatened in some way by that person. After all, that old cliché that bullying comes from the bully’s own insecurities or feelings of powerlessness or inadequacy is probably actually true.

So should you feel sorry for your bully, then? Well, there’s never anything wrong with trying a little empathy, but you don’t have to feel bad for them – just use this knowledge as a way to flip the script. If you take the time to think about what the source of the bullying is, it might actually help you to take a breath, realize that the bullying isn’t about you, and then be able to have a clear enough head to implement the following strategies:

Try to remain calm (but also keep your boundaries)

Adult bullies are just like their (slightly) more childish counterparts: they want to get a reaction out of you. If you let them push your buttons, they’ll just end up using your reaction to try to expose your weaknesses – but that doesn’t mean you have to run away. Depending on the situation and what reaction it warrants, you might want to:

Respond to them in a totally normal way, using polite, unemotional language, and always making eye contact with them – you could even smile, or if you can, try to see the humor in the situation! All of this might just throw them off balance.
Remain completely unimpressed and ignore them, perhaps by simply walking away, or by pretending you didn’t hear their rude comment. Remember that old saying, you need to pick your battles? It definitely holds true with bullies, and sometimes just removing yourself from the space is the best course of action.
Pay attention to your body language: relax your muscles and show that you are not intimidated or stressed by them, and again maintain eye contact.
If it’s absolutely necessary to confront them, keep your composure, but use assertive language that maintains your emotional and physical boundaries. If they are a nonviolent bully, you can even show them that you are not afraid to call them out, and point out that what they are doing is bullying, which might put them on the defensive and trip them up. If you’re going to do this, be prepared with what you want to say, don’t attack them, and be specific about their behavior – in other words, shouting “Stop bullying me” is just not going to get you the results you want.

Don’t just sit there and take it

If your bully is in your workplace, as they often are, you might need to take action in order to make sure you’re able to function properly at work. After all, the bullying is their problem, not yours, and you have the right to be left alone to complete your responsibilities. Remember, you should never let a bully force you to even consider giving up your job; instead you should: illustration of two people sitting across from each other with blue conversation bubbles

Speak to a supervisor or someone in HR about the situation, as well as asking that you be moved as far from them as possible.
Document everything by taking screenshots and saving emails so that you can back up your claims.
Limit your contact with them by blocking them on everything except necessary work communication.
Find out if anyone else is a victim of your bully, and form a posse, so to speak, and use the old strength in numbers trick – after all, most bullies are weak and will not want to be confronted by a group of people.

All of the above tips can also be used if the bully is in your social sphere: speak to someone you trust, document any threats or harassment, limit your contact with them, and try to band together with any other victims of the bullies (or people who are your allies).

Speak up and stay safe

Finally, one of the most important things to remember when dealing with a bully: you need to keep yourself safe in these situations, whether it’s guarding your mental health or making sure that you aren’t in physical danger. You need to speak up, and that can mean talking to:

Your supervisor or HR rep, as noted above
A friend or family member that you can vent to in more minor situations – remember, they might be sick of this toxic person as well
A therapist who can assess the level of threat against you
If necessary, a community resource or someone in law enforcement if you’re in danger
A crisis hotline

If you’re dealing with a bully as an adult, remember that you’re definitely not alone! And while it can feel overwhelming and distressing to have the shadow of this toxic person in your life, know that you don’t have to take it. Be assertive if you can and it’s safe to do so, and hold them accountable for their words and actions – and don’t ever hesitate to speak up and get the help you need.

The Hidden Problem of Seniors and Alcohol Abuse

We’re heading into what, for some, is the most wonderful time of the year; for others, though, it can be the most stressful, or even the loneliest. It’s also the time of year when some people will be enjoying a few drinks with friends at dinners and parties, while others will turn to alcohol use as a way to escape, including older adults, who can be just as prone to alcohol abuse as younger people, although we often don’t seem to recognize that this is a problem in our country. So how big of a problem is alcohol abuse among seniors, how do you know if you or your loved one has a problem, and what can you do?

How Big Is the Problem?

It seems like it’s hard for us as a society to acknowledge that older adults – our parents, grandparents, or peers who we grew up with – are just as vulnerable to abusing alcohol as anyone else, but it’s true. In fact, most estimates from earlier than 2020 put the number of seniors battling alcohol abuse at around 3 million, and that number was expected to rise to nearly 6 million after 2020. In addition, the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) says that alcohol abuse affects up to 17% of adults over the age of 60.

man drinking a glass of wine next to a woman — *Research shows that a third of older adults are “situational” drinkers who have turned to alcohol later in life.*

To break that down further, and to put it all into stark relief, consider this: a large survey published in 2007 that looked at data from a number of hospitals, found that 24% of people over 65 binge drank, and almost 8% exceeded the NIAAA guideline for seniors that suggest they should have no more than seven alcoholic beverages in a week. Not only that, but another survey found that almost as many seniors are admitted to acute care hospitals for alcohol-related conditions as they are for heart attacks.

It’s also important to point out that, while two-thirds of older adults who are abusing alcohol have been doing so for a very long time, a full third of them are “situational” drinkers who have turned to alcohol later in life, who might turn to drinking because of the life changes that come with aging, like bereavement, illness, disability, and retirement. And, while men in general are more likely to abuse alcohol, it turns out that women are especially vulnerable to developing drinking problems later in life, problems which will often cause physical issues like liver damage, hypertension, anemia, and malnutrition much more quickly (and with less alcohol consumption) than for older men.

Is Alcohol Abuse Worse for Older Adults?

To pick up on our last point above about the physical problems that accompany heavy drinking, we should add that alcohol abuse is especially harmful for people over 60, no matter their gender. Why? Well, first of all, if you’re over 60, you might have noticed that alcohol has a different effect on you now than when you were younger. This is because as we age, our bodies don’t metabolize and excrete alcohol as efficiently, so you’ll find that you get more intoxicated and stay that way for longer. For this reason, the NIAAA recommends that people over 65 consume no more than one alcoholic drink per day.

So, if you’re more affected by alcohol the older you are, the next concerning thing about drinking too much is its effect on your alertness, judgment, coordination, and reaction time. It can also contribute to falls and accidents, which can be very serious for older adults. And that’s not all. Heavy drinking can:

Make it harder to diagnose certain conditions: for example, alcohol can cause changes in the heart and blood vessels, dull pain that could be the sign of a heart attack, and even cause symptoms similar to Alzheimer’s disease.
Interact with many medications, either heightening the effects of them, or reducing their effectiveness. In addition, mixing alcohol with some drugs, like painkillers, anti-anxiety medications, antidepressants, or sleeping pills can be very dangerous, or even fatal.
Have serious effects on the brain, central nervous system, liver, heart, kidneys, and stomach.

Recognizing the Signs

So if alcohol abuse is so physically dangerous for older adults, not to mention the fact that it is a sign of mental distress that needs to be addressed, it’s important to be able to recognize the signs that you or a loved one have a problem. That can be difficult to do, because older adults often live more isolated lives than younger adults, but the following signs can help you to determine that it’s time to get help:

Feeling guilty about your drinking
Frequently having more than one drink a night
Lying about or hiding your drinking
Loss of interest in food, or in things you once enjoyed
Developing medical, financial, or social problems because of your drinking
Drinking to reduce anxiety or depression, forget your problems, or steady your nerves
Feeling irritable when you can’t drink
Getting annoyed because others criticize your drinking

Remember, some older adults have been living with a drinking problem for much of their adult lives, but others develop an issue later in life because of loneliness, boredom, grief, and the very real stress that can come with aging. If you or a loved one are feeling overwhelmed with financial problems, loss, chronic pain, taking care of a sick spouse, or anything else, it can be easy to try to drink the feelings that go along with these issues away – but there is help out there if you or a loved one needs help.

What Can You Do?

If you are concerned about a loved one’s drinking, it’s important to speak to them about it: acknowledge the difficulties they are going through that could have led them to start drinking in the first place, and encourage them to get help in the form of a treatment program or support group. If things are really bad, you should consider staging an intervention with a professional counselor. Hearing your concern and knowing they have your support can be very powerful motivating factors for seniors: in fact, around 90% of individuals who have undergone a professionally staged intervention commit to seeking treatment.

If you are concerned about your own drinking, know that there are countless alcohol-related programs that are designed specifically for seniors, and that it’s never too late to get help. You can look into the following approaches to dealing with alcohol abuse as an older adult:

Cognitive behavioral therapy
Support groups
Individual counseling
Medical/psychiatric programs
Family therapy
Case Management/community-linked services and outreach

Alcohol is a big problem among older adults – probably bigger than a lot of us realize – but the first step to improving lives is recognizing that something needs to be done. So, if you see yourself or a loved one in the signs above, please don’t hesitate to reach out to the NIAAA or a trusted medical professional for ideas on where to start getting help. Remember, no one is ever too old to make improvements to their life and health, and doing that might mean confronting issues with alcohol use.

Is 10,000 REALLY a Magic Number When It Comes to Your Health?

Do you wear a fitness tracker? If so, do you love the little celebration it gives you at the end of the day when you’ve hit that magical target of 10,000 steps? And do you feel a little bummed if you don’t get to that goal? It’s understandable – we all want to feel like we’re doing the best we can for our health, and we’ve been told that walking at least 10,000 steps a day is one vital way of doing that. But have you ever stopped to think: why 10,000 steps? Is it really a magic number – and is reaching that target enough to keep you fighting fit?

The History of the Magic Number

So that magic number of 10,000 – it must be rooted in solid, scientific research, right? Well, you might be surprised to know that there is not really a whole lot of scientific evidence to back up any claims that 10,000 steps (or around 5 miles) is any better than any other amount of steps, or that it is superior to moving your body in other ways. In fact, the idea that we need to specifically take 10,000 steps a day is actually a decades-old marketing ploy!

woman holding a pedometer on her waist that says 10,000 steps today on it — *A Japanese company marketed a pedometer, and the name translated to 10,000 steps meter, which is where it all began.*

Way back in the 1960s, a Japanese company called Yamasa Clock wanted to capitalize on a fitness craze that took hold after the 1964 Tokyo Olympics, and began marketing a pedometer, which they called “Manpo-kei.” Why that name? Apparently, the Japanese characters for that name both look like a person walking AND just so happen to translate to the phrase “10,000 steps meter.” The pedometer took off, and that number somehow stuck in our collective consciousness as the fitness goal we all need to shoot for.

That’s not to say that there isn’t any evidence that taking 10,000 steps is beneficial to your health. We all know that moving more is always better, and some studies investigating this specific step target have shown it improves heart health, mental health, and even lowers diabetes risk – so maybe that’s why we haven’t forgotten about this random number. And, after all, walking around 5 miles a day should translate to walking for around 2 hours a day for the average person, which sounds like a pretty good amount of exercise.

But do you really need to hit that specific target, or can you tell your FitBit to relax if you don’t hit it – and could that goal actually be giving you a false sense of security when it comes to your fitness level?

Is It Really Necessary to Hit 10,000?

Ok, so first the good news about your step count: the most recent research suggests that you don’t actually have to hit 10,000 steps to reap the health benefits of walking. And that is definitely good news for a lot of us: most recent studies show that people in the U.S. tend to only hit 5,000 steps a day at most, with many of us hovering in the 3,000-6,000 step range. And a famous 2005 study out of Belgium found that only 8% of people who were encouraged to reach 10,000 steps everyday for a year actually hit that target; not only that, but virtually none of the participants were hitting that mark four years after the study.

But there is some promising research into the benefits of any moderate amount of walking. For example, a 2019 study led by Dr. I-Min Lee, a professor of epidemiology at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health found that, for older women, taking as few as 4,400 steps a day reduced the risk of premature death by about 40%, compared to women who completed only 2,700 or fewer steps a day.

Interestingly enough, though, while the risks for early death continued to drop among women who walked more than 5,000 steps a day, the benefits seemed to max out at around 7,500 steps. In other words, older women who completed fewer than half of that magical 10,000 steps lived a lot longer than those who walked less, but those who got closer to that number didn’t really see a whole lot more in benefits.

And in another 2020 study of nearly 5,000 adults, the people who walked for about 8,000 steps a day were half as likely to die prematurely from heart disease or any other cause as those who walked only 4,000 steps a day. But those who hit their 10,000 steps, or more? The additional benefits were so statistically slight that it didn’t really make any difference. So, it seems that walking a lot is definitely beneficial, but there is no magic number that you have to feel bound by (sorry, fitness tracker!)

And Is Hitting a Step Count Enough to Keep You Healthy?

Nobody is denying that walking is good for you, so we’re not suggesting you stop! And if having an easy to remember goal each day for moving your body, like taking 10,000 steps, works for you, then go for it! After all, according to Daniel Lieberman, a Harvard paleoanthropologist who has studied the evolution of exercise, “We all have deep fundamental instincts to avoid unnecessary activity, so we need those nudges to help people get started.”

With that being said, focusing solely on your step count can become a little problematic. While the small, everyday things that you do to move your body (like walk to work, park further away, or take the stairs) do add up and make a difference, just getting in a certain number of steps won’t necessarily mean you’re as healthy as you can be, or that you’re going to meet any fitness or weight loss goals. Consider the following:

How much you sit the rest of the day matters –

If you are very sedentary for the rest of your day (especially if you’re not moving much for over 13 hours of it), you probably won’t reap the benefits of even a full hour of exercise a day or a specific number of steps.

What other kind of exercise you get matters

woman sitting on a bench lifting weights with a man standing behind her for assistance. — *The DHHS and the WHO recommends doing strength-training exercise (such as lifting weights, or doing exercises that use your own bodyweight) twice a week.*

The Department of Health and Humans Services (DHHS), and the World Health Organization (WHO) both agree that you need at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity (such as brisk walking or swimming) or 75 minutes of vigorous activity (such as running or dance cardio class) every week, plus they recommend doing strength-training exercise (such as lifting weights, or doing exercises that use your own bodyweight) twice a week. That’s in addition to moving around in the course of your daily life, meaning you should probably be tacking around 2,000-3,000 steps onto your step count everyday, if you’re set on counting steps.

In addition, if you’re looking to lose weight, or keep weight off, you might need to do more exercise – but with that being said, maintaining a healthy weight is ultimately more about what you put in your mouth than getting in a certain number of steps or workouts.

And remember: there are all sorts of types of exercise that are great for you, but won’t increase your step count, like biking or swimming, so don’t forget to do what you enjoy – that’s what will keep you coming back for more, and keep you fit!

Your intensity level matters

While it’s true that it’s very hard to counteract being extremely sedentary, research has shown that people who do 60-75 minutes per day of moderate intensity physical activity can eliminate the increased risk of death that comes with sitting for 8 or more hours a day (those who sit for that longer have a 59% higher chance of premature death compared with those who sit for just 4 hours a day).

It’s important to note, however, that you need to be working out at at least a moderate level of intensity – so that means wandering through the grocery store or around the park might not be enough. After all, you could technically get 10,000 steps in a day without really elevating your heart rate or keeping it up for long; not only that, but the equivalent of that recommended 150 minutes of moderate activity is actually 300 minutes of brisk walking.

According to professor Paul Gordon, an exercise physiologist and chair of Baylor University’s Department of Health, Human Performance and Recreation, “I would encourage engaging in weekly activities that will increase heart rate for a continuous period of time.”

The takeaway? Walking is great for your health – no one is encouraging anyone to do it less, and keeping track of your steps can be an excellent first step in achieving your health and fitness goals. In fact, if you’re the average American walking about 5,000 steps a day, you’re in a pretty good position to add in the equivalent of a few thousand extra steps by getting your recommended daily dose of exercise, thereby reducing your chances of all sorts of health risks. So don’t feel boxed in by a number on a fitness tracker, and remember to vary your types of exercise and eat well – but also don’t stop striding toward your fitness goals!

No More Excuses: You CAN Get a Great Workout at Home!

You know what stinks? Getting in your car and having to drive to the gym to get your workout in – in fact, it’s a pretty convenient excuse for not exercising! But if not wanting to join and commute to a gym is an excuse you’ve been using not to move your body, we’re here to tell you the time for making excuses is over (but we’ll let you decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing). You CAN overcome that little voice in your head saying you’re too tired, or you don’t have time or the right equipment, or exercise is just a big ol’ chore, and get a great workout in the comfort of your own home. And you know what’s great about working out at home? You’re already there! Let’s get down to busting through those excuses, and finding creative ways to get a great workout without getting in the car!

Excuses, Excuses

We’ve all got them, and we’ve all heard them: the excuses why we’re just not getting the exercise we should be getting. If the following sounds familiar to you, try thinking about things in a different way:

I’m too tired to exercise – Feeling fatigued? It’s ok to skip your workout and let your body recover if you’re sick or had a rough night, but if the problem is that you’re always tired, the reason might actually be that you’re not moving your body enough; lack of exercise and sluggishness can actually become a vicious cycle. Sitting too much means you’ll have less oxygen moving through your body, making you lethargic, so try fitting in workouts when you have the most energy during the day, even if it’s only for 10 minutes at a time in the beginning. Once you get those endorphins flowing, you’ll start to feel more energized, and you’ll probably even want to keep it up!

I don’t have the time – Studies actually show that breaking up your exercise into smaller chunks throughout the day can be as effective as a longer workout, so if you’re one of the 42% of people who use lack of time as an excuse for not exercising, you might want to rethink things. In fact, think of it this way: what is really important to you? Is your health a priority? If yes, those 10 minutes here or there, or time spent taking the stairs or even running around with or having a dance party with your kids, is time well spent!

Exercise is such a chore! – This is where you really have to do some reframing. If you think of exercise as a punishment, as many people do, it’s no wonder that you’re trying to avoid it! Try instead to find things that are good for your body AND that you enjoy; even if you do just have to just knuckle down and do some strength training and cardio, think of it as something that will allow you to do the things in life that you do enjoy, like playing your favorite sport, or hiking with your family. And remember, if you’re lucky enough to have a body that allows you to work out, don’t take it for granted!

So there you go: excuses dispatched – and now we’re going to prove that the last possible excuses, “I don’t want to/can’t go to the gym” or “I don’t have any equipment” are not problems at all, and that you can get a solid workout in, no matter where you are, how much time you have, or what you have on hand.

No Such Thing As No Equipment

We could probably add to the list of above excuses: “I would exercise at home, but I don’t have any equipment.” Really? What do you call that fabulous body of yours? While there aren’t a ton of studies on the subject, what there is seems to point pretty solidly to the fact that doing what’s known as bodyweight workouts (or workouts that don’t require any equipment) is just as effective as doing other types of workouts. In fact, one study found that bodyweight exercises will develop your fitness in most areas, including strength, strength endurance, flexibility, and aerobic capacity just as much as other types of workouts.

So what type of exercises can you do at home with just your body? Consider the following categories of bodyweight exercises:

Calisthenics – These are the basic bodyweight exercises that are most people’s go-to and include things like jumping jacks, push ups, squats, pullups, lunges, dips, and planks.

Plyometrics – If you’re up for something more intense, and that will get both feet off the ground with high impact movements, plyometrics like burpees, squat jumps, jumping lunges, broad jumps, and explosive push ups will really get your heart pumping and work your entire body.

Bodyweight exercises will burn calories (and if your workout is intense enough, you’ll continue to burn extra calories even after your workout is over), and you’ll work on functional movements that can help you in your everyday life, improve your posture, gain better coordination and balance, and work on your cardiovascular endurance and muscle strength. Not too shabby.

And if you’re worried that you’ll outgrow bodyweight workouts, you can always step them up by:

Making movements more dynamic – Make squats or lunges into plyo moves, or add claps or explosive jumps into your push ups, for example.

Making it one-armed or one-legged – Try pistol squats (one-legged squats) or one-handed push-ups, and get a great core workout.

Decreasing your rest times

Doing exercises in a circuit with minimal rest

Use What You’ve Got

Another way to intensify your at-home workouts other than by stepping up your bodyweight routine is by adding some everyday objects to increase resistance. No equipment at home? No problem! Try the following everyday household swaps for gym equipment:

A filled backpack for a weighted vest – Some people add a weighted vest to their workouts to increase intensity and resistance; as long as it feels comfortable and not painful to you, you can replicate this with a filled backpack.

Tied pantyhose for resistance bands – Use tied pantyhose to add tension to exercises like hip thrusts, donkey kicks, or even bicep curls if you leave them longer and step on one end.

A jug of laundry detergent or kitty litter for a kettlebell – Use a heavy container for things like swings, Russian twists, or overhead sit-ups.

A large bag of pet food or grain for a barbell or sandbag – Big ol’ bags can help you to do some heavier weighted exercises like curls, bench presses, deadlifts, squats and presses.

Paper or plastic plates, magazine covers, or tea towels for sliders – Sliders can step up core exercises, and can easily be replaced by anything that will slide on either carpet (plates or magazine covers) or hardwood (tea towels).

Your couch or ottoman for a plyo box – Your living room furniture can really add a lot to your workouts: try doing incline (hand on the couch or ottoman) or decline pushups (feet elevated on the furniture), tricep dips, box squats, step-ups, or rocket step-ups.

Making excuses not to exercise is easy, but you know what? So is getting a great workout at home, whether you’re using just that incredibly useful body of yours, or grabbing some everyday household objects to ramp things up. All you need to do is find a few extra minutes every day, or even just a few days a week in your own living room (or basement, or bedroom, or wherever), no commute necessary, and you’ll be on your way to a more energetic and healthy you. Now, grab your toddler and start bench pressing! (Ok, not really, but maybe bang out a few pushups…).

Is This Normal? A Revealing Look at Breasts

It’s time to talk about “the girls.” October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, so there’s going to be a lot of focus on preventing, detecting, and fighting breast cancer this month – and all of that is incredibly important! But since we’re already focused a few inches below your collarbone, let’s take this time to look at (or talk about, sorry) all aspects of your breasts and answer some of the common questions people with breasts have about them. What’s “normal”? Is there anything you should be concerned about and what are some common issues that often crop up? And do you need some support in your relationship with your dynamic duo?

Why Am I, Um, Lopsided?

a green lime next to an orange — *It’s normal for breasts to be uneven or lopsided.*

Here’s the thing: there are very few things in nature that are perfectly symmetrical, and breasts are no different. It’s perfectly normal for one breast to be larger than the other, even by a whole cup size! This asymmetry might be more pronounced while you’re developing during puberty, or even after breastfeeding, if your baby preferred one side (and stretched it out – thanks, baby!); if you’re bothered by the way it looks in clothing, you can try buying a bra in the bigger size and adding a pad to the smaller side – but remember, you are certainly not in the minority if your breasts look different, and you shouldn’t stress about it.

Should I Be Checking Myself and What If I Feel a Lump?

Doctors used to be pretty militant about doing self exams on a rigid schedule, but nowadays they’re giving more relaxed advice, so that people with breasts don’t panic over every change they feel. The advice now is to combine knowing your breasts well (the way you might know the moles on your body) with getting yearly exams, and talking to your doctor about any concerning changes.

And if you do find an unusual lump? First, don’t panic. Next, speak to your doctor, keeping in mind that it is not necessarily cancer, and might be one of those benign lumps that comes and goes on its own, especially if you are younger. Keep in mind also that you’re not going to be whisked off to emergency surgery just because you found an unusual lump, so don’t let that put you off speaking to your doctor.

Finally, it’s important to remember that lumps are not the only symptom of breast cancer, so, again, make sure you know your breasts well and take note of any other kinds of changes, like discharge, dimpling, pulling in, retraction of the nipple, a persistent rash, or pain.

What’s With the Itching?

If you’ve got boobs, it’s happened to you: the dreaded itchy nip. Breasts are just skin and, as such, are subject to itchiness just like any other part of your body, so there’s usually no need to worry about needing to have a good scratch; most likely, it’s due to dry skin, hormonal fluctuations, or irritation from detergents or body care products.

If your girls are always itching, though, or if you have an itchy rash, talk to your doctor: these symptoms could indicate a condition called Paget’s disease, which can be associated with breast cancer.

Can a Healthy Diet Also Benefit the Boobs?

While researchers are still figuring out exactly how much certain healthy foods can reduce your risk of cancer, there are some promising studies surrounding the following foods and breast cancer risk:

Nuts – All types have phytosterols, which have been shown in lab and animal studies to inhibit tumor development; varieties with fatty acids could also help with PMS-related soreness.
Cruciferous veggies – Broccoli, kale, cabbage, and other good stuff like that contain glucosinolates, which some studies suggest break down into compounds that appear to inhibit the development of cancer cells.
Mushrooms – One Chinese study found that eating around 10 grams of fungi a day reduced breast cancer risk by 64%.
Legumes – Beans and lentils also contain phytosterols, and a Harvard University study showed that women who ate legumes at least twice a week had a 24% lower risk of breast cancer than women who ate them less than once a month.

With all of that being said, it’s important to take recommendations about cancer-fighting foods with a grain of salt: there is no one magic food that will take away your risk, and it’s important to remember that an all-around healthy lifestyle is important for helping to reduce your risk.

Ouch! Why Do They Hurt?

It doesn’t happen to everyone, but you might find that your breasts feel sore, or even swollen, lumpy or tender right before your period, and it’s usually nothing to worry about, it’s just those pesky hormones acting up. The important thing is to know your breasts, so that you can detect any unusual pain or lumpiness.

Stray Hairs, Darkening Skin, Protruding Nipples – Are My Areolas Normal?

Thinking that there are some funky things going on with your nipples and areolas, the area of darker-colored skin around your nipple? Whatever is happening, unless it’s really out of the ordinary, like discharge, scaliness, or another type of rash, is probably normal, and it’s important to remember that everyone’s areolas and nipples are different colors, sizes, and shapes. They might get darker during pregnancy, and might even stay that way – and, in general, whatever color they are is normal.

african american woman in a denim shirt holding her pregnant belly — *Pregnancy can darken your areolas, and cause your breasts to sag afterwards.*

As for nipple protrusion, again, everyone’s are different and some tend to stand at attention more than others – the only thing you would need to get checked out in this regard is if your nipples all of a sudden became inverted, not more prominent, since nipple inversion can be a sign of breast cancer.

Got bumps? Those little bumps all around your nipples are also something that everyones has, so those are nothing to worry about, either: they’re called Montgomery Glands, which are sebaceous glands that produce an oily substance called sebum that lubricates the skin. And those stray hairs? Also completely normal, although a lot of nipple hair may signal a hormonal imbalance like polycystic ovary syndrome; if it’s just a few, you can either leave them or safely pluck ‘em out!

So, Are They Supposed to Sag?

Short answer: yes. Maybe yours are as perky as perky can be, but that is by no means true for everyone, and it’s pretty much guaranteed that everyone’s will eventually lose their bounce – and the elasticity of their skin. What contributes to the southward migration?

Pregnancy – This is the more likely culprit than breastfeeding, contrary to what many people think. During pregnancy, and after birth when your milk comes in (which happens to everyone, even those who don’t breastfeed), your breasts grow and then eventually shrink back down again, and that can stretch the skin and ligaments.
Aging – The ligaments holding your breasts up are made of collagen and elastin, which break down as you age.
Tanning – Yup, catching too many rays also breaks down collagen.

What doesn’t cause your breasts to sag? Not wearing a bra all the time – the only exception is a sports bra. If you’re going for a run or doing some high impact exercise, keep the girls in lockdown to avoid damaging the ligaments over time.

How Can I Feel Better About Them?

With all of the above being said, it’s important to remember that all breasts are different, and some are going to sag (can we think of a better word for that??) more than others; they also come in all different shapes and sizes, just like their owners – in fact, most are oblong shaped and tend to have nipples that face downward!

The problem is not with the breasts themselves, the problem is what we’re told what breasts should be and how they should look. Breasts tend to be viewed as objects instead of body parts, and that can make us expect them to be more “flawless” than they are ever going to be. It can be easier said than done to take that to heart, but if you feel insecure about the way yours look, know that you’re not alone and try checking out some body positivity or body neutrality groups to gain a new perspective – sure, pushup bras and all that jazz are great if they make you feel good (and if they do, wear them with pride!), but dealing with your feelings about your body and the expectations around it is also vital to your mental health. And remember: ditch the negative self-talk!

Are There Specific Risk Factors for Breast Cancer?

When it comes to breast cancer risk, there are actually a lot of factors that can affect your chances of developing the disease; some you can control, and unfortunately, some you can’t. They include:

Being overweight (especially after menopause)
Sedentary lifestyle
Your age – Over two-thirds of cases are in women over 55
Genetics – Around 10% of cases are hereditary
Alcohol – Having two or three drinks a day could increase your risk by up to 20%
Fat intake – In a 2014 study, women who ate the most saturated fat had a 28% higher risk of hormone receptor–positive cancer

In the end, big or small, love ‘em or have a complicated relationship with ‘em, your breasts are a part of you – but only one part! They don’t define you and you get to choose if you flaunt them, hide them, use them to nourish another human, or just treat them like the body part that they are. Just remember, however you treat them, keep them healthy by eating right, exercising, and knowing them well enough to detect any changes in them – we want you and your girls to have a loving relationship for years to come!

You’re Only As Old As You Feel? Subjective Age Vs. Chronological Age

Here’s what we want you to do: close your eyes for a moment and try to forget how old the calendar says you are, then think about how old you feel. Is every joint and bone aching and creaking, making you feel your age or even older – or do you feel a whole lot younger than the age on your driver’s license? If so, you’re not alone, and you might be in for a pleasant surprise: you probably are healthier than people who feel their age, and you’re more likely to stay that way as you get older. So does that mean it’s true that you’re only as old as you feel?

Chronological Age Vs. Biological Age Vs. Subjective Age

older african american woman smiling with her hands under her chin — *People with healthy lifestyles and good genes tend to feel younger than their age.*

We won’t ask you how old you are – that wouldn’t be polite – but whatever your answer would be if we did ask you is known as your chronological age. That number, though, doesn’t usually tell the whole story about your physical, or even your psychological, health: there are factors other than the year that you were born that determine how old you might really be on the inside.

For example, have you ever noticed that some people in their 50s, 60s, and even 70s look a lot younger than their chronological age? Scientists have actually studied these differences in people of similar ages, by looking at age-related biomarkers, which are things like skin elasticity, blood pressure, lung capacity and grip strength. It turns out that people with a healthy lifestyle and living conditions, as well as good genes, tend to score “younger” on these assessments and are said to have a lower “biological age.”

But there’s one more way of figuring out how healthy and fit you are, and whether you might stay healthy and fit as you age: simply asking you how old you feel. Yes, that’s right: scientists are becoming more and more interested in your “subjective age,” asking the question “How old do you feel, most of the time?” According to Antonio Terracciano, a professor of geriatrics at Florida State University College of Medicine in Tallahassee, “This simple question seems to be particularly powerful.”

So what can the answer to that simple question predict for your health as you age?

What Does Your Subjective Age Say About You?

Feeling younger than your chronological age is actually really common, especially as you get older. In fact, by age 30, around 70% of people feel younger than their age, and around 80% of people over 40 say they feel younger than their age, while only about 10% say they feel older. Most people tend to feel about 8 years younger than the age on their birth certificate, although that’s an average, and the difference can fluctuate as you age: at age 50, people often feel about five years, or 10%, younger, but by the time they’re 70 they may feel 15% or even 20% younger.

And while researchers are still trying to figure out why this discrepancy between chronology and subjectivity is so common and pronounced, it seems pretty clear that having a lower subjective age is beneficial. Consider this: in studies, those who felt between 8 and 13 years older than their actual age had an 18-25% greater risk of death over the study periods, and were more likely to suffer from various diseases, even when you control for other demographic factors such as education, race, or marital status.

Researchers aren’t sure what the actual cause and effect is when it comes to good health and subjective age: for example, does good health make you feel younger? Or does feeling younger bring good health? Or is it merely that we value youth so much in our culture that we psychologically reject feeling older? Whatever the case, it does seem that asking about subjective age can help predict who is most at risk for health problems, and feeling older and getting unhealthier can be a vicious cycle, with psychological and physical factors both contributing to a higher subjective age and worse health, which can make you feel even older and more vulnerable.

On the other hand, feeling younger seems to have some serious advantages. People who feel younger than their chronological age:

Are typically healthier, reporting fewer chronic conditions and taking fewer medications, and are more psychologically resilient than those who feel older.
Visit the doctor less often.
Are more likely to maintain a healthy weight.
Perform better on memory tasks and are at lower risk of cognitive decline.
Had thicker brain matter and had endured less age-related deterioration, according to a 2018 South Korean study.
Are at less risk for hospitalization, dementia and death.

Not only that, but there are also studies that suggest that a youthful frame of mind can have a powerful effect. Two separate studies have found that participants who were told that they were stronger or sharper than other people their age performed better on tests of their grip strength and memory.

Find What Makes YOU Feel Young

While not many doctors are currently asking the question, “How old do you feel?” at regular checkups, and many might not feel comfortable prescribing simply “think young” to their patients, it’s probably a good idea to think about how you can reduce your subjective age to keep you feeling healthier for longer. But that’s a tough one, because what makes someone feel younger can look different for everyone. But there are few things that seem helpful, and that you can try focusing on:

Get more exercise – Older adults who walked faster rated their subjective age as younger than those who walked more slowly, and people who were more involved in physical activity during their leisure time rated their subjective age as younger and their memory as stronger.

Pick up where you left off – Is there an activity that you loved when you are younger that you would enjoy now?

Prioritize your days – You might not be able to tackle endless to-do lists these days, so set attainable goals and decide how you really want to spend your energy – you might be better served by doing something you really enjoy, like connecting with family and friends, than scrubbing the floor!

Take assistance when you need it – Do you feel like getting a device like a hearing aid would just make you feel older? The opposite might just be true, because anything that improves your quality of life, and allows you to connect more with others, can help you feel younger.

Talk to your peers – Ok, we’re not saying you have to challenge anyone to a push-up contest, but it might help to talk to others in your age group and know that the changes you’re experiencing are totally normal (and you might just be able to have a good laugh about it, which can also make you feel younger!).

Practice mindfulness – In one study, long-term meditators who practiced mindfulness for at least five years showed a progressively slower rate of epigenetic aging (or the difference between chronological age and biological aging) compared to those who did not meditate regularly.

Ultimately, your chronological age is really no big deal, and you should never feel embarrassed by the number of candles on your cake or hide the number of years and decades that have ticked by, increasing your wisdom and, most likely, bringing you greater peace and satisfaction with your life. But that doesn’t mean that you have to feel old. So the next time someone asks how old you are, stop for a moment, think about it, and simply answer: “You’re only as old as you feel,” and get back to living your healthiest, most fulfilling life, no matter what the calendar says.