abusive partner Archives

Everyone’s worst nightmare is losing their home. As you get older, you might find yourself needing extra care, thus moving into a nursing care facility. These facilities are not cheap, and you will need help paying for it. Sometimes if you owe a lot of money, the state or Medicare can step in and cease your home as payment. However, it doesn’t have to end up that way. Depending on your situation, you can avoid losing your home, but you have to know where to start.

Paying For A Nursing Home

Medicare covers many different expenses, but it doesn’t necessarily cover long-term stays in a nursing home. In order to pay for that kind of care, your own bank account will take most of the hit. Many people struggle with paying expensive bills like this, especially over time. As your savings dwindle, you could end up in a tough spot.

person using an exercise ball for their health paid by Medicare — *Nursing care is a safe place for some and a community for others, but it can get expensive.*

However, Medicaid offers a solution to this issue. Already, Medicaid beneficiaries have alleviated their payments using the program, and with great results for those with a fixed income. The only catch is that some nursing facilities don’t accept Medicaid, so it’s important to check before setting your heart on one home.

If this sounds good, the first step is to check if you qualify for Medicaid. One big requirement is that medical care is your biggest financial burden. Luckily, when you apply for Medicaid, their system doesn’t count your home as an asset. So, if you do need help in the future, they won’t come after your house.

When paying for a nursing home, the last thing you want is to gamble with your house. What’s more important, is that if you have a spouse or a relative living in the home, then you will definitely be better off.

So Can Medicare Take Your Home?

The state cannot take, sell, or hold your home in order to recover nursing home care payments.

There is a catch though.

The state paid for your benefits while in care, so they can try to recover those funds through your assets–like your home. If you’re worried about your relatives losing a place to live, then you must take precautions before moving to a facility.

Some of these include a relative or spouse living on the property. In addition, these are more valid options:

Transferring Your Home

Transferring is a great way to guard your property, especially if you transfer it to a relative like your child. Just keep in mind that Medicaid can penalize you for this action if it’s with anyone else, even rejecting you from their program altogether. The good news is, you won’t be penalized if your transfers are to:

Your spouse
A child who is under age 21
A child who is blind or disabled
A sibling who lived in the home already or has an equity interest (part ownership)

Lien On The Home

Another option is allowing Medicaid to put a lien on your home. This way, the program can earn back the funds they distributed in order to pay for your nursing home.

house with sunset behind it not taken by medicare — *Home is where the heart is. And the heart can be your family, your property, or your memories.*

If you sell your house, then you would have to pay the lien back to the state. There is an exception to this rule as well. If any of the above-listed individuals reside in said house, then you won’t have to pay the lien back.

Hardship Waiver

If a relative moved into your home prior to you leaving for nursing care, they might qualify for a hardship waiver. For instance, if your son moved into the house before you went to the nursing home, and had no other permanent residence, then they can avoid a claim against your house by Medicaid.

When Medicare Can Take It:

Recovery Of The Estate

One unfortunate downside to these loopholes hinges on your relative or spouse. If they die during this process, it puts your house back in danger. While hopefully, you will not run into this problem, it must be mentioned here.

Basically, if the person you transfer to passes away, the state can collect your home.

In order to protect your home, make sure that you are aware of the rules regarding Medicaid and nursing home payments in your state. Every state is different. While Medicaid is a great resource for assistance, you must be careful with your home. If you don’t take proper precautions, you could be betting your house on a roulette wheel.

Manipulation is hard to spot and practiced manipulators prey on your good intentions. It is especially hard for people to recognize it when they are in a romantic relationship. Manipulators will twist your thoughts and words for their benefit, and work to mold you into someone to serve them and their needs. They feel the need to control every aspect of your life in order to keep you obedient to their whims. Some people will be outright emotionally abusive,

Caucasian woman crying with hand on glass that is wet from rain. — *It is hard to know if you are in an abusive realtionship at times. Some manipulators will be outright emotionally abusive, while others manipulate deceptively.*

while others manipulate deceptively. Either way, it is important to be aware of the signs, and stop it before you lose who you are. Does your partner guilt you? Say something and later deny it? Make you doubt yourself? The longer it continues, the more the relationship becomes one-sided and unhealthy. The trust, respect, and connection will be lost. So, what are the hallmarks of manipulative behavior?

Spinning Your Words

A manipulator has a hard time accepting personal accountability, so they will find a way to blame you. If you call them out on something, they will not acknowledge the complaint or apologize for it. Instead, they will spin the complaint in their favor using tools like pity. They will make you feel bad not only about reasonable promises but also for bringing it up in the first place.

For example, if an abusive partner has agreed to a commitment, and does not follow through, they will conveniently forget they ever agreed to it. They will twist the conversation to suit their needs and make you feel guilty, forgetful, and demanding. They spin the situation around into making you feel as if you’re the one to blame, inducing confusion and guilt. This way, they break down your self-confidence, replacing it with a dependency on their judgment, a dangerous road.

Guilt Tripping

Ever been in a situation where you have done nothing wrong, but your partner has made you feel guilty for it? This is a sign of manipulation. They will make you feel like they are loving you better than anyone has or ever will. In return, you will set aside how hurt you feel and love them. It is a mind game to the manipulator. They will say something along the lines of, ”as long as you’re happy, then that’s all that matters, even if I have to set aside how I feel,” when vocalizing disapproval. This way, your love is twisted to force behavior to suit their needs.

Minimizing Your Feelings

Having a bad day and feel like expressing it to your partner? Everyone turns to their loved one when they are going through a tough time. But for a manipulator, they are not trying to hear how “tough” you have it. Instead, they minimize how you feel, and use it as a platform to focus on their issues.

They excel at turning the tables to make you look and feel selfish. Something as simple as, “oh, you had a bad day at work. Well, be appreciative that you have a job that you love and the money you make. I hate my job and wish I could leave but need the money.” They flip the script, further crushing who you are using your own emotions. This psychological tool is one more in their effort for reducing you to a servant.

Using Aggressive Behavior/Words

Caucasian fist slamming down onto a table. — *Manipulators will use aggression to get what they want, such as slamming thing, throwing things, and more.*

Threats and aggressive behavior is something a manipulator can casually do. If they are backed into a corner, or want to get their point across, they often slam things, hit things, throw things, call you names, and act in this manner so things go their way. It will remind you of a child throwing a tantrum until they get what they want, but scarier

because this is supposed to be an adult.

Using Insecurities As A Tactic

Manipulators will not only use your insecurities, but their own to control the relationship. They will not apologize for a fight or something outlandish they did by justifying it instead. They make you responsible for their emotions. If they are mad or sad, then it would be your fault, always. For them, you are the cause of strife and must fix it, even if the reality is different. It is your fault he was late to work, your fault he has no money, your fault he is depressed, etc.

If you have an insecurity, they will exploit it to further control you. A manipulator will make you set aside all of your wants and needs in order to please them. They fabricate a shared mind by replacing your will with their own

Couples will argue, sometimes use passive-aggressive tactics during a disagreement to get what they want and even say harmful things. But, there is a difference between casual disagreements in a relationship and manipulation in a relationship. The definition of manipulation is any means to get something they want other than asking for it directly. The person will use force, threats, or harm to get another to bend. It might seem harmless in the beginning, but it is a form of control. When a person tries to control every aspect of your life, you need to get out. It is not love; it is tricks, power, and control at your expense.

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Can You Lose Your Home To Medicare?